Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
A UNC student goes into a restaurant
and notices there's a "peel and win"
sticker on her coffee cup. So she's
peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motor home! I've won
a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free lunch."
But the student keeps screaming,
"I've won a motor home! I've won
a motor home!"
Finally the manager comes over and
says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're
mistaken. You couldn't possibly have
won a motor home because we didn't
have that as a prize!"
The student says, "No it's not a mistake.
I've won a motor home!"
She hands the ticket to the manager
and he reads...
" W I N A B A G E L "
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If Heaven had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
Wilhelm Buiting, 89
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Marianne Brunsbach, 86
Erna Rütt, 86, und Alfred Kelbch, 81
Erwin J. von der Heiden, 80
Erna Schenk, 78
The Seven Year Itch
Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, und Erich Endlein, 88
Margarete Schmidt (r.), 77, und Lothar Wischnewski 76
Martha Bajohr, 77
Joanna Trachenberg, 81, und Horst Krischat, 78
Saturday Night Fever
Irmgard Alt, 79, und Siegfried Gallasch, 87
Johann Liedtke, 92 und Marianne Pape, 79
Walter Loeser, 98 und Kurt Neuhaus, 90
(API) - Weather & Internet Expert Al Gore has
recently stated that Earthquakes, Hurricanes,
Cyclones, Typhoons, Angina Pectoris, Arterios -
clerosis, Fromthese, Tuberculosis, Double
Pneumonia, Phthisis, Hypodermics, Appendicitis,
Tonsillectomies, Aphasia, Hypertrophic Cirrhosis,
Diabetes, Acute Ingestion, Gastritis, Rheumatism,
Lumbago, Neuritis & Pirates are caused by Global
Q: Did you hear about the UNC*
student who stood in front of
a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she
looked like asleep.
*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent & germane
*UNC is the University of North Carolina
in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range
of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping),
A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations),
etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for
sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians
that were unable to qualify for the more
prestigious institutions of higher learning
such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
Classical Music (While You Read):
Yours To Enjoy!!!
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facetiousness, farce, flippancy, fun, gag, gaiety, happiness,
high spirits, jest, jesting, jocoseness, jocosity, jocularity, joke,
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raillery, tomfoolery, whimsy, wisecrack, wit, witticism & wittiness!
Read what you have time for below
& save the residuum for a stormy/
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aestival season is bursting out all
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& university environment and to
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This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
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We welcome all our great readers to another unique
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but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
'Thought & Humor' has been read in all 50 States,
all 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge,
every Ivy League School & all major American
Universities including UNC!!!
Dr. Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but
Please note: If you see a UNC student
or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
please explain to them which is thought
& which is humor. They usually get it
Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:
1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.
Dear Professor Howdy,
Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate
for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...
it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we
all need...please keep up the great works!!!
Type atcha later...
God bless you,
Dear Dr. Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**
SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have
seen. The best to you.
*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.
Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!
Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?
Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.
Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.
Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.
Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 12 million + many forwards by you.
Q: Who is Prof Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...
Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)
NOTICE: The jokes, pictures, cartoons & general content published
in this list were either submitted directly to 'Thought & Humor'
or as, we believe, in the public domain. If you think that we
have published any posting (including videos) on our award
winning blog without giving proper credit to its author/owner, please
let us know and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.
But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. - Ex 9:16
And this Good News about the Kingdom will be
preached through all the world for a witness to
all people; and then the end will come. - Mat 24:14
I thank my God for all the memories I have of you. Every time I pray for all of you, I do it with joy. I can do this because of the partnership we’ve had with you in the Good News from the first day you believed until now. I’m convinced that God, who began this good work in you, will carry it through to completion on the day of Christ Jesus. You have a special place in my heart. So it’s right for me to think this way about all of you. All of you are my partners. Together we share God’s favor, whether I’m in prison or defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. God is my witness that, with all the compassion of Christ Jesus, I long to see every one of you.
I pray that your love will keep on growing because of your knowledge and insight. That way you will be able to determine what is best and be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Jesus Christ will fill your lives with everything that God’s approval produces. Your lives will then bring glory and praise to God.