Tuesday

Tuesday's Humor Cartoons!











The Bible is the best of all books, 
for it is the word of God and teaches 
us the way to be happy in this world 
and in the next. Continue therefore 
to read it and to regulate your life by 
its precepts. - John Jay, letter to 
Peter Augustus Jay, 1784

I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever 
given to man. All the good from the Savior of the 
world is communicated to us through this book.       
- President Abraham Lincoln

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Monday

A Man Walks Into A Bar...




A man walks into a bar, 
he sees two pieces of 
meat hanging from the 
ceiling. He asks the barman, 
"Why are those two pieces of
meat hanging from the ceiling?"

The barman replies, "It's 

a competition which we 
run every night. If you 
can jump up and touch 
the meat, you get free 
drinks for the whole night."

"Great!" says the man, 

"but what if I can't
reach them?"

"Then you have to buy 

all the drinks for everyone 
all night," the barman answers.

"Do you want to try?"


"No, but thanks anyway."


"Why not?" asks the barman.


"The steaks are too high."







Drive To Charlotte!



A UNC student bought a brand 
new car and decided to drive to 
Charlotte from Chapel Hill to meet 
her friend. She reached there in 
a few hours.

After spending a few days in Charlotte, 
she decided to return, and called 
up her mother to expect her in 
the evening. But she didn't reach 
home in the evening nor the next 
day either. When she finally reached 
home on the third day, her distraught 
mother ran and asked her "What
Happened???"

She got out, obviously very tired from
a long
journey, and said,


"O, these car designers, these people 
are crazy! They have four gears for 
going forward, but only one for going 
back!"

+++

Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor'
and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.


===============

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===============

I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying
the really foolish thing that people often say
about Him [Jesus Christ]: "I'm ready to accept
Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't
accept His claim to be God."

That is the one thing we must not say. A man
who was merely a man and said the sort of
things Jesus said would not be a great moral
teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on a
level with a man who says he is a poached
egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice. Either this Man
was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman
or something worse ....

You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit
at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can
fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God.
But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great human
teacher. He has not left that option open
to us. He did not intend to.


-- From C.S. Lewis
(Author of The Chronicles of Narnia)


QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME! #1






How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

UNC English Class!


English professors love to catch the errors 
students make in their term papers, and 
they love nothing better than to catch mixed 
metaphors. The "friends and survivors" 
of the UNC English department collected 
this list of mixed metaphors and posted 
them on their web site: 

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard." 
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

Shoe Store Visit!



A UNC grad walks into 
a shoe store, and tries 
on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" 

asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a 

bit tight." replies the 
man.

The assistant promptly 

bends down and has 
look at the shoes and the 
mans feet.

"Try pulling the tongue 

out." offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth 

a bith tighth." He says.





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ENJOY!!!

Monday's Humor Cartoons!











We're 'T&H':
EXPLORE!!!

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MORE!!!



#PoliticalCartoons
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#ProfHowdy

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RUSH!!!

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+++


Sad? Lonely? Worried?


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1-888-NEED-HIM


More Help:


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Maarifa.org
YoursForLife.net
LookingForGod.com
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EveryStudent.com/menus/intl.html

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every Ivy League School & all major American
Universities including UNC!!!




The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not
crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,
converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it
out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why
this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin
responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word.
they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or
reluctantly." - Joe Boot



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relationship with Jesus Christ, please call:

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Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?

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Saturday

Enjoy Your Weekend!









What Greats Of The Past Said About The Bible!



The Bible is the best of all books, 
for it is the word of God and teaches 
us the way to be happy in this world 
and in the next. Continue therefore 
to read it and to regulate your life by 
its precepts. - John Jay, letter to 
Peter Augustus Jay, 1784

I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever 
given to man. All the good from the Savior of the 
world is communicated to us through this book.       
- President Abraham Lincoln

I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying
the really foolish thing that people often say
about Him [Jesus Christ]: "I'm ready to accept
Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't
accept His claim to be God."

That is the one thing we must not say. A man
who was merely a man and said the sort of
things Jesus said would  not be a great moral
teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on a
level with a man who says he is a poached
egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice. Either this Man
was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman
or something worse...

You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit
at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can
fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God.
But let us not come up with any patronizing 
nonsense about His being a great human
teacher. He has not left that option open
to us. He did not intend to.

          -- From C.S. Lewis
(Author of The Chronicles of Narnia)





For we must consider that we shall be as a City 
upon a hill.  The eyes of all people are upon us.  
So that if we shall deal falsely with our God in this 
work we have undertaken, and so cause Him to 
withdraw his present help from us, we shall be 
made a story and a byword throughout the world.
- John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630  

It is impossible to rightly govern the world without 
God and the Bible. - Attributed to President George Washington

The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, 
with a power that conquers all that oppose it. - Napoleon

That Book accounts for the supremacy of England.
- Queen Victoria

If there is anything in my thought or style to 
commend, the credit is due my parents for 
instilling in me an early love of the Scriptures. 
If we abide by the principals taught in the Bible, 
our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions 
and authority, no man can tell how sudden a 
catastrophe may overwhelm us and bury all 
our glory in profound obscurity. 
- Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic 
in the best of minds.  Men and women 
live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with 
their hand on the door latch they die 
outside. -  GK Chesterton 





The Bible is worth all other books which have ever 
been printed. - Patrick Henry   (original member 
of the Continental Congress)

The Bible is the anchor of our liberties. -  President U.S. Grant

It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially 
a Bible-reading people. The principals of the 
Bible are the groundwork of human freedom.
- Horace Greeley  (Editor)

That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests. 
- President Andrew Jackson

Trust in yourself and you are doomed 
to disappointment; trust in money and 
you may have it taken from you; but 
trust in God, and you are never to be 
confounded in  time or eternity.                                     
- D.L. Moody

Let every student be plainly instructed
and earnestly pressed to consider well
the main end of his life and studies is
to know God and Jesus Christ which is
eternal life (John 17:3).

  The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643 

 All scholars shall live religious, godly,
and blameless lives according to the rules
of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy
Scriptures, the fountain of light and truth;
and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret.

Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter





In all my perplexities and distresses, 
the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength. - Gen. Robert E. Lee

Bible reading is an education in itself. 
- Lord Tennyson (Poet)

So great is my veneration for the Bible 
that the earlier my children begin to read 
it the more confident will be my hope that 
they will prove useful citizens of their country 
and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through 
the Bible once every year. - President John 
Quincy Adams

The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the 
people, is the greatest benefit which the human 
race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity.
 - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

 It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, 
to own their dependence upon the overruling 
power of God and to recognize the sublime 
truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and 
proven by all history, that those nations only 
are blessed whose God is the Lord.     
- President Abraham Lincoln

The Bible claims to be the Word 
of the only true God. In addition 
to historical, archaeological, and 
scientific proofs, there are numerous
internal proofs. No such evidences 
exist for other "sacred writings."

The Bible was written during 1,600 
years by 40 prophets, most of 
whom lived in diverse cultures, 
at different times in history, yet 
who never contradict but comple -
ment each other. For the Qur'an, 
Muslims must take the word of 
Muhammad, just as the Book 
of Mormon rests solely upon 
Joseph Smith's word. But every 
biblical prophet is confirmed 
by 39 other prophets.   
              
 - Dave Hunt 





The New Testament is the very best Book 
that ever or ever will be known in the world. 
- Charles Dickens (Author)

All human discoveries seem to be made only 
for the purpose of confirming more and more 
strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures. - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

There are more sure marks of authenticity 
in the Bible than in any profane history. 
- Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

Let mental culture go on advancing, 
let the natural sciences progress in 
even greater extent and depth, and 
the human mind widen itself as much 
as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, 
as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go. - Goethe (Author)

In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued 
this ruling, "By our form of government, 
the Christian religion is the established 
religion, and all sects and denominations 
of Christians are placed on equal footing."  
Some 57 years later, after Congress was
petitioned to separate Christian principles 
from government, in 1853 the House Judiciary 
Committee issued their formal report, including 
these words: "In this age there is no substitute
for Christianity. This was the religion of the 
founders of the republic, and they expected 
it to be the religion of their dependents. The
great vital, conservative elements in our system 
is the belief of our people in the pure doctrines 
and divine truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ."  

- Dr. Gerald Beavan





I have known ninety-five of the world's great 
men in my time, and of these eight-seven were 
followers of the Bible. The Bible is stamped with 
a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors.
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister) 

Whatever merit there is in anything that I have 
written is simply due to the fact that when I was 
a child my mother daily read me a part of the Bible 
and daily made me learn a part of it by heart.
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

There is simply no historic foundation 
for the position that the Framers intended 
to build the 'wall of separation' that was
constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall 
of separation between church and state' 
is a metaphor based on bad history,
a metaphor which has proved useless 
as a guide to judging. It should be frankly 
and explicitly abandoned.     
            
- Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist

God designed humans to want 
to believe in something. That's 
the image of God that is in us. 
But as G. K. Chesterton famously 
put it, when we reject the God
of the Bible, we don't believe 
in nothing; we believe in everything -- 
including Little Green Men.

              - Chuck Colson 





The Bible has been the Magna Carta of the poor 
and oppressed. The human race is not in a position 
to dispense with it. 
- Thomas Huxley (Author & Scientist)

The whole hope of human progress is suspended 
on the ever growing influence of the Bible. 
- W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

If you stop believing what your 
professor told you had to be true
and if you start thinking for yourself 
you may come to some conclusions 
you hadn't expected. You may find 
the Bible makes more sense than 
you thought or were told to think. 
Allow yourself to be ruined, ruined 
with regard to what you always 
thought could be true. Can you 
believe what you don't understand? 
You and I believe everyday what 
we don't understand unless it comes 
to the issue of salvation.                

Dr. Woodrow Kroll




America was born a Christian nation. 
America was born to exemplify that 
devotion to the elements of righteousness, 
which are derived from the revelations 
of Holy Scriptures. Part of the destiny 
of Americans lies in their daily perusal 
of this great book of revelations. That 
if they would see America free and pure 
they will make their own spirits free and 
pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit.


 - President Woodrow Wilson

It cannot be emphasized too strongly 
or too often that this great nation was 
founded, not by religionists, but by 
Christians; not on religions, but on 
the gospel of Jesus Christ.  For this 
very  reason peoples of other faiths 
have been afforded asylum, prosperity, 
and freedom of worship here. 
- Attributed to Patrick Henry  
(original member of the Continental Congress)

The Roman emperor Diocletian, 
following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. 
The French Revolution could 
not crush it with secular 
philosophy (Rousseau, one 
of its heroes, converted to 
Christianity). The Communists 
failed to stamp it out with 
atheism and political ideology. 
One might well ask why this 
book has been banned, burned, 
and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The 
great Reformation hero John 
Calvin responds in this way: 
"Whenever people slander 
God's word, they show they 
feel within its power, however 
unwillingly or reluctantly." - Joe Boot

To find out how you can begin 
a personal relationship with 
Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED-HIM





Four Important Things To KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews,
Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians,
Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist,
French, etc.) have sinned & fall
short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1)
are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation
from God, & damnation) but the Gift
(free & at no charge to you) of God 
(Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through
(in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of the
Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly
prized the world (Americans, Muslims,
Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans,
Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons,
Methodist, French, etc.) that
He even gave up His only begotten
(unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living)
believes  (trust in, relies on, clings to,
depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal  (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH,
& THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American,
Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist,
Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French,
etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with
GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice -
(Rev. 3:20)          


{Please note that church membership,
baptism, doing good things, etc. are not
requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad
is the road that leads to destruction
(Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it.  But small
is the gate and narrow the road that
leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, 
forever with God), and only a few find it.  

To find out how you can begin 
a personal relationship with 
Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED-HIM 



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