Monday

Monday's Humor Cartoons!











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UNC Shoe Store!



A UNC grad walks into a shoe store, 
and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the 
sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight." 
replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends 
down and has a look at the 
shoes and the man's feet.

"Try
pulling the tongue out." 

offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth 
a bith tighth." He says.

Another 911 Call From UNC Campus!



A
UNC student calls 911

on her cell phone to report that
her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains
her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The dispatcher says, "Stay calm.
An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer
radios in.

"Disregard." he says. "She got 

into the back-seat by mistake."

Riddles - Énigmes De Vendredi



1) My voice is tender,
my waist is slender and I'm often invited to play.
Yet wherever I go I must take my bow
or else I have nothing to say.

What am I?



2) My first is a creature whose breeding is unclear.
My second, a price you must pay.
My whole can be found in the river of Time
and refers to events of today.
What am I?



3) What king can you make if you take
the head of a lamb
the middle of a pig
the hind of a buffalo
and the tail of a dragon?

What am I?
*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity but
no machination or peeking allowed.



How Can You Tell???



How can you tell if a UNC grad
is on location at a drilling rig?

*Answer is located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity but
no machination or peeking allowed
unless you attend UNC.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please note that if your computer
has a pop-up blocker you will need
to hold down your "Ctrl" key while
you click on "comments."

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Traffic Stop!



A N.C. highway patrolman 
pulled alongside a speeding 
car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was 
astounded to see that the 
UNC student behind the wheel 
was knitting! 

Realizing that she was oblivious 
to his flashing light sand siren, 
the trooper cranked down his 
window, turned on his bullhorn 
and yelled, "Pull over!"

"No," the student yelled back, 
 "It's a scarf!"


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A Letter To Friends!


Dear Friends,


My beloved friends, let us continue to love 
each other since love comes from God. 

Everyone who loves is born of God and 
experiences a relationship with God. The 
person who refuses to love doesn't know 
the first thing about God, because God is 
love - so you can't know Him if you don't 
love. This is how God showed His love 
for us: God sent His only Son into the 
world so we might live through Him. 

Sincerely,
John

* Relating To Christ Through His Humanity!



The idea of God becoming man strikes us as a bit odd, at the very least. How could a perfect spiritual being -- omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, omnibenevolent -- become for a while a human being, much less a helpless baby wholly dependent on his mother?

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Saturday

Go Figure!


I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you. - Genesis 12:3 (God blessing Jews & Israel!)

Friday

Your Lunch Order!



A customer in a restaurant 
next to the UNC campus
asked the student waitress 
if the roast beef was rare.

The waitress gave the customer 
a stare and replied, "Well, no. We 
have it, like, just about every day."


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New Cowboy Diet!



What do you call a take-out
low-calorie meal for a cowboy?


*Answer is located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity but
no machination or peeking allowed
unless you attend UNC.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please note that if your computer
has a pop-up blocker you will need
to hold down your "Ctrl" key while
you click on "comments."


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Seeing Eye Problems!



"Doctor!" whined the UNC student,
"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."

The physician scratched his head,
"Why have you come to me?
Have you seen an ophthalmologist?"

"No," replied the student, "just spots."


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UNC INVENTIONS!



*A freezer for Eskimos.
*AC adapter for solar calculators.
*Air-Bag Motorcycle jacket.
*Battery powered battery charger.
*Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
*Blinker Fluid.
*Braille Drivers' Manual.
*Cat flap for the fridge.

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Le Pilote D'Avion



Did you hear about the UNC* kamikaze
pilot who flew 48 successful missions?


*Please see "comments"
for additional pertinent
& germane information.

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UNC Computer Lab!



Q: How can you tell if a UNC* 
student's been using the computer?

A: There's whiteout on the screen.

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

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Weekend Contest!

 


THESE ARE WELL KNOWN SAYINGS
CAN YOU TRANSLATE?


1. Scintillate, Scintillate, asteroid exiguous.
2. Members of an avian species of identical
plumage congregate.
3. Surveillance should precede salutations
4. Pulchritude poses possesses solely
coetaneous profundity.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over
precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is
contiguous to rectitude.
7. The stylus is more potent then the claymore.
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a
superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
9. Eschew the implement of correction of vitiate
the scion.
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an
unremittingly ogled saucepan does not does reach 212 F'.

http://www.joe-knows.com/images/sub/accent/accent_womanComputer2.jpg


11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence

are not truly auriferous.
12. Where there are visible vapors in ignited
carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
14. A plethora of individual with expertise in culinary
techniques vitiate the potable concoctions produced by
steeping certain comestibles.
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their insipience intramurally.
16. Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.
17. Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices
would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous
projectiles.
18. Neophyte's serendipity.
19. Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without
interludes of hadonisita diversion renders John a
habatudinous fellow.
20. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no
congaries of a small, green bryophitic plant.
21. A person presenting the ultimate cachination possess
thereby the optimal cachination.
22. Abstention from any aleatory undertakings precludes
a potent potential escalation of lucrative nature.
23. Missiles of ligneous or petrous consistency have
the
potential of fracturing my osseous structures but

appellations will eternally name innocuous.


*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.


#Riddles

Weekend Humor Cartoons!








 Separated at Birth!


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#PoliticalCartoons
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Google: T3H7P12H
#ProfHowdy

Classical Music (While You Read):

Yours To Enjoy!!!





FACEBOOK!!!

TUMBLR!!!
TWITTER!!!
A CHRISTIAN LOOK AT AMERICAN POLITICS!
(Why Not Join Us!)



Great Politically Conservative Commentaries:

TOWNHALL!!!

HERITAGE FOUNDATION!!!

RUSH!!!

Charles Hurt!!!


+++


Sad? Lonely? Worried?


NeedHim.Org


1-888-NEED-HIM


More Help:


Cru.org

Maarifa.org
YoursForLife.net
LookingForGod.com
PeaceWithGod.Jesus.net
EveryStudent.com/videoroom.php
EveryStudent.com/menus/intl.html

Jesus Movie (1100 Languages):

JesusFilmMedia.org




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Thursday

Big City Visit!



A UNC grad was visiting the big 
city for the first time. 

She checks into her hotel and 

the bellboy takes her bags. 

She follows the boy, and as the 

door closes, she looks around
and shakes her fist at him.

"Look here -- I may be straight 

from UNC, but that don't mean
I'm stupid! I paid *good* money 

 and this room won't do at ALL!

It's too small, there's no ventilation, 

 no TV -- there's not even a BED!"

"Ma'am, this is the elevator."

+++

*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

Humor From A Duke U. Site!




What do UNC students & coke
bottles have in common?
*Answer is located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity but
no machination or peeking allowed
unless you attend UNC.

UNC Joke!

UNC Bar Room Barroom


A guy in a bar leans over to 
the guy next to him and says,
"Wanna hear a UNC joke?"

The guy next to him replies, 
"Well before you tell that joke,
you should know something. 

I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I am
UNC grad. The guy sitting 
next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs
225, and he's a UNC grad. The 
fella next to him is 6'5" tall,
weighs 250, and he's also a 
UNC grad. Now, you still wanna
tell that joke? "

The first guy says, "Nah, not 
if I'm gonna have to explain it
three times."




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