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True UNC Woman!!!


Teens love 'Thought & Humor' by Professor Howdy


Dear Professor Howdy,

It was a hot and humid May 

afternoon, when I decided to 
visit my girl friend, Susie who 
was a recent UNC grad. Beautiful 
and resourceful, Susie (left above 
with sister - taken before I arrived)
had decided to repaint her kitchen 
herself instead of hiring a professional. 
I thought she might appreciate a break 
and brought over some iced tea and 
some sandwiches.

When I arrived, I found Susie working 

hard, painting the kitchen walls. 
To my utter amazement, instead 
of wearing old clothes, she was 
wearing her fur coat and her ski 
parka (added after picture was 
taken above).

I asked her why she was dressed 

that way on such a hot day (don't 
tell Al G. that it's hot every Summer
here). She brought me the paint 

bucket and told me to read the 
instructions. I did.

There was the explanation for me 

in black and white. It said..."For best 
results, put on two coats."

Sincerely,
Benjamin


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8 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

*Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
--Colossians 3

Professor Howdy said...

Several years ago when a well-known actress made her plea for funding and
awareness of a particular disease, congressional committee chambers were
packed to capacity and surrounded by cameras. A stark contrast was seen
when an unknown woman suffering with Parkinson’s disease made her
appearance: hers was a reception of chairs left empty by legislators.

Remarked a congressman on ABC’s 20/20: “If you have the politically correct
disease, the prospects of getting federal funding to help find the cure are
100 times greater than if you have some other disease, even though it may
be a much more common disease.”

The irrationality of this goes beyond disease, does it not. By granting
the celebrity such esteem we seem unable to distinguish bet! ween a glamorous
skill we admire and the entirety of the person, as though artistry empowers
one to be a guru for all matters. Whether one is an actor or an athlete,
we are imperiled if we forget that giftedness says absolutely nothing about
a person’s integrity or wisdom.

We are now, by design, a culture steeped in manufacturing icons. Some time
ago one such person, whose only act on stage was to turn the words of an
alphabet and look happy while doing so, wrote her autobiography. The
demand was so great that it went into a second printing very quickly. One
major news anchorman marveled and wondered what prompted such fawning by
the masses for a skill as childish as that. He said it was an indictment
against their own profession--that it did not take much to be a hero.

Transference of authority is a scary phenomenon in our time. Being a great
entertainer is just that—a great entertainer. Let us not transfer
greatness across from one point to another without scrutinizing the
reasoning behind the recognizable face. Our judgements are in danger if
our heroes are influential only because they are well known. Jesus’ words
are striking: “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous
judgment.” He also goes on to say that we look at the outward, but God
looks at the heart.

Let us not miss the responsibility of judging an idea by the test of truth
and wisdom by foolishly being seduced at the altar of the popular. Life,
dear friend is more than glamour and substance is more than image.

Ravi Zacharias http://www.sliceofinfinity.org

Professor Howdy said...

Overworked!
------------

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real
reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do
the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are
in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State
and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving
1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do t! he work. You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.


Prof Howdy

Professor Howdy said...

What Polar Opposites Have in Common


Hard-core liberals and conservatives in America have more in common than they realize; they are both some of our happiest citizens, argues Arthur Brooks in a fascinating opinion piece. “According to the National Opinion Research Center in 2004, in spite of all their bile, 35% of people who said they are “extremely liberal” also reported being “very happy with their lives—versus 22% of people who were just ‘liberal’ and 28% of moderates. At the same time, a whopping 48% of people who were ‘extremely conservative’ were very happy (compared with 43% of non-extreme conservatives.”

Even so, as Brooks points out, “when it comes to politics, the standard intuition is that anger and happiness are incompatible. For example,” he continues, “today’s foam-flecked, furious liberals appear to advertise their misery with the catch phrase, ‘If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention,’ an idea that has become official Democratic policy. The Democratic National Committee’s Website asserts that ‘outrage must be taken to the ballot box’.” So, while they survey happy, the extreme left and right sound angry. It looks dangerously true that “the politics of happiness” is actually the politics of intolerance, nasty sloganeering and the fodder for screaming pundits on cable television.

In 2004, “extremely liberal’ folks gave “conservatives” a freezing average temperature of 23, while “extremely conservative” people gave liberals an average score of 27. The temperature for these groups from the non-extreme populations on either side was 61 and 56, respectively. To put this into perspective, notes Brooks, North Korea and Iran—avowed enemies of the U.S.—receive similar temperatures to those extremists give their fellow citizens who disagree with them politically. And, not surprisingly, there is also evidence that people with extreme views are less empathetic and compassionate than others…less loving toward family members, and less charitable with their money…even less honest in everyday transactions.

The same tendency seems to hold true in the Christian world when it comes to trends in the church and theological positions. I have long noted that there is little difference between those who value contemporary worship and those who want to stay traditional. While we hear most often about the oldies who just won’t change, the inflexibility on the part of the young who insist on their way is as fierce and perhaps more condescending. When it comes to doctrinal issues, particularly the issue of the role of women in the church, I see little difference between those who limit women’s roles and the far-end feminists. Those trying to talk about the issues openly in the interest of having dialogue, get savaged by either extreme. The same is often true about the doctrines of eschatology or the old free will vs. predestination debate.

This kind of happiness, then, can be defined as certainty without complexity, an arrogant certainty, a refusal to listen, and a desire to put down. This is not the righteous anger Christ expressed in the New Testament, though He is often used as a defense by the self-righteous. None of us is exempt from such distortion. Ultimately, our passions must be given back to and redeemed by God. Otherwise, they may have little to do with Him and everything to do with a need to be right.



For the Moody Broadcasting Network, this is Rosalie de Rosset

Professor Howdy said...

Korean Killed in Afghanistan Dedicated Life to Serving Others
Peter Lamprecht
Compass Direct News

August 6, 2007

Afghan convert to Christianity thanks South Korean church for its sacrifice.

ISTANBUL – A Korean Christian aid worker murdered by his Taliban captors on Monday (July 30) had sacrificed his time and job to help those less fortunate than himself, eventually losing his life while serving the needy in Afghanistan.

For Shim Sung Min, 29, traveling to Afghanistan with an aid group of 23 members of his home congregation in South Korea reflected an active desire to live out his faith.

The former IT worker, a graduate of South Korea’s Gyeongsang National University, had volunteered his time to teach Sunday school classes to handicapped church-goers on a weekly basis at the Sammul Presbyterian church, a member of the church said.

Prompted by the needs of poor Korean farmers negatively affected by globalization, Shim had decided to quit his job and pursue a graduate degree in agriculture, the church member told Compass.

“He always wanted to help,” the church member said. “He was moved to go to Afghanistan in order to help people.”

Korean Internet news website Dong-A Ilbo reported that Shim’s family planned to carry out Shim’s request that his body be donated to Seoul National University Hospital.

Shim’s corpse was expected to arrive in South Korean today as negotiations for the release of 21 remaining Korean hostages from his church continue. The group’s leader, pastor Bae Hyung Kyu, was shot on July 25, his birthday.

Taliban spokesmen threatened to kill more hostages yesterday by 12 p.m. (local time) if the Afghan government continued to refuse to release Taliban prisoners. Taliban leaders later confirmed that no one had been hurt.

Relatives of five remaining male hostages are particularly concerned after the Taliban threatened to kill off first the group’s males (it was previously misreported that there were only five males in the original group of 23 aid workers).

"If the negotiations do not go well, [the militants] will kill the male hostages, and then it will be the female hostages’ turn,” purported Taliban spokesman Qari Yousuf Ahmadi told Yonhap News Agency on Tuesday (July 31).

The 23 Koreans from Bandung’s Sammul Presbyterian church were on a 10-day service trip to Afghanistan when they were captured on July 19 while traveling by bus from Kabul through Afghanistan’s Ghazni province to Kandahar.

Storm of Hostility

The kidnapping has aroused a storm of anti-Christian sentiment among Koreans online, who not only labeled the group’s trip to Afghanistan as naïve but also condemned the Christians for supposedly carrying out evangelistic work.

Both the Korean government and church leadership, as well as a member of the congregation speaking to Compass, confirmed that the group was carrying out service work in orphanages and hospitals.

But several Korean Internet users posted a video clip on Youtube.com with pictures and writings from the homepages of the victims, suggesting that the Korean hostages were conducting evangelistic activities in mosques, Korean daily Chosun reported.

“Several netizens [internet users] said they sent the pictures to the Taliban’s e-mail address and called for the Islamist militants to kill the hostages,” Chosun said. The daily reported that official websites of the Sammul Church and the Korea Foundation for World Aid have been closed due to a large number of attacks from hackers.

Despite such condemnations, there appears to be no evidence that the Taliban targeted the Koreans for being Christians.

One Taliban commander, who was released by the Afghan government earlier this year in exchange for an Italian journalist, told British TV that he had commanded all his fighters to kidnap foreigners to use as bargaining chips, the BBC reported on Friday (July 27).

An Afghan convert to Christianity told Compass that local Afghans were not able to differentiate between missionaries and non-governmental organization workers, automatically assuming that all foreigners were Christians.

“For an ordinary Afghan, anyone who is from Europe or America is a Christian,” the convert said. He said that before this incident most Afghans were not aware to which religion Koreans “belonged” but now would assume that all Koreans are Christians.

Responding to accusations that the group decided to travel to Afghanistan without heeding travel warnings, the convert said that the aid workers could have been more careful. The Koreans had decided to travel by bus along a dangerous stretch of road to Kandahar when no flights to the city were available.

But the convert said he supported the group’s decision to visit Afghanistan and that he hoped the Christian presence in the country would continue.

“During the Taliban regime, the main expatriate group in Afghanistan was Christians,” the Christian said. “They were here to help Afghanistan… no one else had the guts to come and help this war-torn country.”

He said that Christians were called to serve, at times at a very high cost.

“Thank you for coming to Afghanistan to serve my people,” the Afghan said, addressing the hostages and other Korean Christians who had served in Afghanistan. “Thank you for letting the world know, ‘Don’t forget Afghanistan.’ Your Afghan brothers in faith are praying for you daily.”

Anonymous said...

Barry Bonds' HR Record Tainted by Elbow 'Armor'?



By Michael Witte

Published: August 06, 2007 10:45 AM

NEW YORK (Commentary) Beyond his alleged steroid use, Barry Bonds is guilty of the use of something that confers extraordinarily unfair mechanical advantage: the “armor” that he wears on his right elbow. Amid the press frenzy over Bonds’ unnatural bulk, the true role of the object on his right arm has simply gone unnoticed.

This is unfortunate, because by my estimate, Bonds’ front arm “armor” may have contributed no fewer than 75 to 100 home runs to his already steroid-questionable total.
Bonds tied Henry Aaron’s home run record of 755 on Saturday night and will go for the new standard this week back at home in San Francisco.

As a student of baseball – and currently a mechanics consultant to a major league baseball team -- I believe I have insight into the Bonds "achievement." I have studied his swing countless times on video and examined the mechanical gear closely through photographs.

For years, sportswriters remarked that his massive "protective" gear – unequaled in all of baseball -- permits Bonds to lean over the plate without fear of being hit by a pitch. Thus situated, Bonds can handle the outside pitch (where most pitchers live) unusually well. This is unfair advantage enough, but no longer controversial. However, it is only one of at least seven (largely unexplored) advantages conferred by the apparatus.

The other six:

1) The apparatus is hinged at the elbow. It is a literal "hitting machine" that allows Bonds to release his front arm on the same plane during every swing. It largely accounts for the seemingly magical consistency of every Bonds stroke.

2) The apparatus locks at the elbow when the lead arm is fully elongated because of a small flap at the top of the bottom section that fits into a groove in the bottom of the top section. The locked arm forms a rigid front arm fulcrum that allows extraordinary, maximally efficient explosion of the levers of Bonds' wrists. Bonds hands are quicker than those of average hitters because of his mechanical "assistant."

3) When Bonds swings, the weight of the apparatus helps to seal his inner upper arm to his torso at impact. Thus "connected," he automatically hits the ball with the weight of his entire body - not just his arms - as average hitters ("extending") tend to do.

4) Bonds has performed less well in Home Run Derbies than one might expect because he has no excuse to wear a "protector" facing a batting practice pitcher. As he tires, his front arm elbow tends to lift and he swings under the ball, producing towering pop flies or topspin liners that stay in the park. When the apparatus is worn, its weight keeps his elbow down and he drives the ball with backspin.

5) Bonds enjoys quicker access to the inside pitch than average hitters because his "assistant" - counter-intuitively - allows him to turn more rapidly. Everyone understands that skaters accelerate their spins by pulling their arms into their torsos, closer to their axes of rotation. When Bonds is confronted with an inside pitch, he spins like a skater because his upper front arm is "assistant"-sealed tightly against the side of his chest.

6) At impact, Bonds has additional mass (the weight of his "assistant") not available to the average hitter. The combined weight of "assistant" and bat is probably equal to the weight of the lumber wielded by Babe Ruth but with more manageable weight distribution.

At the moment, Bonds' apparatus enjoys "grandfathered" status. Similar devices are presently denied to average
major leaguers, who must present evidence of injury before receiving an exemption.

Bonds has worn some sort of front arm protection since 1992. In '94, a one-piece forearm guard was replaced by a jointed, two piece elbow model. In ‘95 it got bigger and a small "cap" on the elbow was replaced by a "flap" that overlapped the upper piece and locked the two pieces together when the arm was elongated. In '96, the "apparatus" grew even larger and so did the "flap."

It seems to have remained relatively the same until -- interestingly— 2001, the year of his record 73 home runs, when an advanced model appeared made (apparently) of a new material. It had softer edges and a groove for the flap to slip into automatically at full arm elongation. More important, the upper half of the machine was sculpted to conform more comfortably to the contours of Bonds' upper arm. Since 2001, the apparatus seems to have remained relatively unchanged.

Several years back, baseball was rightfully scandalized by the revelation that Sammy Sosa had "corked" his bat. The advantages conferred by the Bonds "hitting machine," however, far exceed anything supplied by cork. Ultimately, it appears the Bonds "achievement” must be regarded as partly the product of “double duplicity" -- steroidal and mechanical.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael Witte (gmitchell@editorandpublisher.com) is a well-known illustrator whose work has appeared in The New Yorker, Time, Sports Illustrated, The Wall Street Journal and dozens of other publications. The New Yorker recently wrote a piece about him and his study of mechanics, and he is presently a paid consultant to a major league team on mechanics. He appeared on network TV coverage of the 2003 World Series, providing cartoon sketches of some of the action.

Ron Hutchcraft said...

Our kids gave it to my wife and me as a gift, and we had a great night together with dinner and a show. The show is in the same place as the dinner; there's this large, indoor arena with long tables that encircle the show floor down below. During and after dinner, we watched an impressive show of trick horse riding, dramatic spectacle, and rodeo style events. There's one part of the show I'm not going to forget. A rider actually stands atop two horses, one foot on each horse. They begin to gallop around the arena with the lights down, except for the torches in the middle and a giant ring of fire. Amazingly, the rider and his two horses leaped through that ring of fire together! I'll tell you, the emcee called it "a demonstration of three-way trust." I guess!

We sure could discuss whether that man and those horses should be jumping through a ring of fire, but that's not my point. The issue is the trust that made it possible; horses trusting their rider not to do anything that would hurt them, and a rider trusting his horses not to do anything that would hurt him. They did something amazing because of their great trust in one another.

If you belong to Jesus Christ, you have been called to a similar arrangement - doing things you'd never otherwise be able to do because of a powerful two-way trust - you trusting God and God trusting you. In a very real way, everything that matters in your life is riding on your Lord. The size and sanity of your life depends on how much you're willing to trust God for, to hold you up when nothing else can, to steer you right when the way is confusing, to provide for you when you can't see where it's going to come from, and to equip you to do what you feel very inadequate to do. It's supposed to be all about Him, not all about you.

But you may not realize this surprising fact: God has a lot riding on you, too! See, He's entrusted you with gifts, with influence in people's lives, with money, with the message of His Son, and with a part of His work on earth. God's even trusted you with His reputation. By becoming a part of your life, He knows that people's opinion of Him may, in part, be based on what they see in you. Yes, you're not kidding. God has called you to trust Him. But don't forget that God is trusting you, as well.

This two-way trust is wonderfully expressed in our word for today from the Word of God in 1 Peter 4:10-11, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." God has given you capabilities, personality, opportunities, and spiritual gifts. All that's for you to use to hand out God's grace in people's lives. Now here's where your trust in Him comes in. The Bible says, "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength the Lord provides." The words you need, the strength you need, everything you need to jump through hoops that you never could make it through without Him!

And this is all, according to this passage, "so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." Exciting things happening because you're trusting God and God's trusting you. Make sure you're using what He's given you for His glory, not for your own; for His goals, not your goals; for the good of others, not just for the good of yourself. When you've got it all riding on your Lord, using for His glory what He's got riding on you, you're going to do some amazing things together!

Ravi Zacharias said...

An Empty Cross?

There was a body on the cross. This was the shocking revelation of a 12 year-old seeing a crucifix for the first time. I was not used to seeing Jesus there--or any body for that matter. The many crosses in my world were empty. But here, visiting a friend’s church, in a denomination different from my own, was a scene I had never fully considered.

In my own Protestant circles I remember hearing the rationale. Holy Week did not end with Jesus on the cross. Good Friday is not the end of the story. Jesus was crucified, died, and was buried. And on the third day, he rose again. The story ends in the victory of Easter. The cross is empty because Christ is risen.

In fact, it is true, and as Paul notes, essential, that we worship a risen Christ. “[For] if Christ has not been raised, then our proclamation has been in vain and your faith is in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:14). Even walking through the events of Holy Week--the emotion of the Last Supper, the anguish in
Gethsemane, the denials of the disciples, the interrogation of Pilate, and the lonely way to Golgotha--we are well aware that though the Cross is coming, so is the empty tomb. The dark story of Good Friday will indeed be answered by the light of Easter morning.

And yet, there is scarcely a theologian I can imagine who would set aside the fathomless mystery of the crucifixion in the interest of a doctrine that “over-shadows” it. The resurrection follows the crucifixion; it does not erase it. Though the Cross has indeed taken away the sting of sin and death, and Christ has truly borne our pain, the burden of humanity is that we will follow him. Even Christ, who retained the scars of his own crucifixion, told his followers that they, too, would drink the cup from which he drank. The Christian, who considers himself “crucified with Christ,” will surely “take up his cross” and follow him. The good news is that Christ goes with us, even as he went before us, fully tasting humanity in
a body like yours and mine.

Thus, far from being an act that undermines the victory of the resurrection, the remembrance of Jesus’s hour of suffering boldly unites us with the risen Christ himself. For it was on the cross that Christ most intimately bound himself to humanity. It was “for this hour” that Christ himself declared that he came. We are, in turn, united to him in his suffering and are near him in our own. Had there not been an actual body on the cross, such mysteries would not be substantive enough to reach us.

Author and undertaker Thomas Lynch describes a related problem as the grieving are consoled by well-meaning onlookers at funerals. Lynch describes how often he hears someone tell the weeping mother or father of the child who died of leukemia or a car accident, “It’s okay, that’s not her, it’s just a shell.”(1) But the suggestion that a dead body is “just” anything, particularly in the early stages of grief, he finds more than problematic. What if, he
imagines, we were to use a similar wording to describe our hope in resurrection--namely, that Christ raised “just” a body from the dead. Lynch continues, “What if, rather than crucifixion, he’d opted for suffering low self-esteem for the remission of sins? What if, rather than ‘just a shell,’ he’d raised his personality say, or The Idea of Himself? Do you think they’d have changed the calendar for that? [...] Easter was a body and blood thing, no symbols, no euphemisms, no half measures.”(2)

On the cross, we find the one whose self-offering transformed all suffering and forever lifted the burden of sin. We find the very figure of God with us, a body who cried out in a loud voice in the midst of anguish, on the brink of death, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Jill Carattini is managing editor of A Slice of Infinity at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

(1) Thomas Lynch, The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade (New
York: Penguin, 1997), 21.
(2) Ibid.

Paradise Regained by Ravi Zacharias
The Bible is full of surprises. We find faith and doubt in the most unpredictable places. This man probably saw Easter more clearly in this most deadly setting. He saw it more clearly than even the disciples did, and faith brought its reward. Click here for more:http://store.rzim.org/product/tabid/61/p-166-paradise-regained.aspx

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