Friday

UNC Farm In Alaska!




A UNC grad placed the 

following ad in the paper:

"WANTED: 250 acres in 

Alaska to lease between
November and March. 

Want to raise frozen 
vegetables."

8 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

Q: How much does a grand piano cost?
A: $1000.00.

===============

*The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who
can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine
the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according
to what his deeds deserve." --Jeremiah 17

Professor Howdy said...

Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please
explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
===============

Dog Dictionary

BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines,
invented for dogs to control body
fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a
bush and dash out, bark loudly
and run alongside for a few yards;
the person then swerves and falls
into the bushes, and you prance away.

===============


“Who are You, God?” begets contradictory answers when left to experience
or perception. Faced with an array of answers, the seeker often turns to
argument. Are the philosophers able to tell us who God is?

Having read numerous debates, I have noticed the ease with which the
sophisticated can hide behind a mountain of words and been left doubtful as
to whether argument, even at its best, is able to untangle the mystery of
God. While I do not wish to minimize the importance of philosophical
debate, it seems that many find it easy to climb the ladder of abstraction.
Yet I wonder: When the discussion rises to such high levels, how many are
blocked from debate and our existential struggles obscured?

With the limitations of both experience and argument, frustration reaches a
high point, and all kinds of caricatures of God can be fashioned to suit
our desires.

Eugene Peterson tells a fascinating story about when he was a pastor in New
York City. His church’s caretaker, a German man named Willi Ossa, was an
artist by day and a janitor by night. Ossa offered to do a portrait of
Peterson, and Peterson agreed, only to keep the friendship going, for Ossa
harbored a quiet but hostile attitude toward Christianity. Day after day,
Ossa would paint his subject, yet never permitting him to see how he was
progressing.

One day, the artist’s wife dropped in and with one look at the picture she
shrieked, “Sick! You paint him to look like a corpse!” Ossa, upset by this
untimely revelation, snapped back, “He’s not sick; that is the way he will
look when the compassion is gone, when the mercy gets squeezed out of him.”
You see, Ossa hated the state church of his homeland, blaming it for not
doing more to stop the Holocaust. He wanted to show Peterson his future if
he persisted in what he perceived to be the “Christian way.” It is a sad
story and an indictment against Christendom’s historic baggage.

But behind it all, one wonders if that is not the picture of God that many
have, perhaps even you, my friend. Born out of some aberrant experience or
radical philosophy, one is left with a portrait of an unloving and uncaring
God, conditioned by the artist’s own misperceptions. Once again, a point of
reference is needed in order to answer the question: “Who are you, God?”
Ravi Zacharias

===============

A UNC student was terribly overweight, so her
doctor put her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see
you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the student returned, she shocked the doctor by losing
nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said,
"Did you follow my instructions?"

The girl nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was
going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping on the third day."

Professor Howdy said...

In the early 20th century a world market for only 4 million
automobiles was made because "the world would run out of
chauffeurs." Shortly after the end of World War II (1945),
the whole of Volkswagen, factory and patents, was offered
free to Henry Ford II. He dismissed the Volkswagen Beetle
as a bad design.

***

In 1894, the president of the Royal Society, William Thomson,
Lord Kelvin, predicted that radio had no future. The first
radio factory was opened five years later. Today, there are
more than one billion radio sets in the world, tuned to more
than 33 000 radio stations around the world. He also
predicted that heavier-than-air flying machines were
impossible. The Wright Brother's first flight covered a
distance equal to only half the length of the wingspan of
a Boeing 747.

***

In 1927, H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, asked, "Who the ____
wants to hear actors talk?" In 1936, Radio Times editor Rex
Lambert thought "Television won't matter in your lifetime
or mine."

Michelle - UNC Sophomore said...

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bath-
room, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the
ther stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and
I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat
embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.'

And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking
this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just
traveling.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can
when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I
could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No..I'm a little busy right now!'

Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have
to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who
keeps answering all my questions.

Adrian Monk said...

My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and poured out all of my beer!

Rachel - N.J. said...

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had what they called a
secret meeting. One of the topics rumored to be discussed
is Hillary's $20 million campaign debt. Obama may help her
cover some of that. Today she outlined a plan for recouping
that money: She plans on marrying, then divorcing, Paul
McCartney." -Jimmy Kimmel

Hank - Duke U. said...

"In Chicago, a couple who are Cubs fans have named their baby
Wrigley Field. Apparently the couple expects their baby to be
a lot of fun, but ultimately disappointing." -Conan O'Brien

Leroy Jethro Gibbs said...

We had built our dream house several years ago, and
furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new
bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.

"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the
driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve
years for this!"

"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this
morning."

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