Monday

Things That Take Years To Learn!



The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."


http://www.painetworks.com/photos/gn/gn2534.JPG

Sunday

Two UNC Girls!



Two UNC students named Trish and Tina were walking down the street.

Trish noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up.

She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

Tina said, "Let me look!" So Trish handed her the compact.

Tina looked in the mirror then turned to Trish. "You silly... that's *me*!

UNC Curtains!


UNC Computer Student

A UNC student enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair
of pink curtains."


The salesman assures her that they have a large
selection of pink
curtains. He shows her several
patterns, but the student seems to have
a hard
time choosing.


Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then
asks what size curtains
she needs.


The student promptly replies, "Seventeen inches."


"Seventeen inches?" asked the salesman.
"That sounds very small --
what room are
they for?"


The student tells him that they aren't for a room,
but they are for
her computer monitor.


The surprised salesman replies, "But miss,
computers do not need curtains!"


The UNC student says, "Hellllooooooooo? --
I've got Windoooooows?"






*It may come as a surprise to you -
It certainly did to us but the girl in
this story plans to vote Democrat in
the upcoming election

24 Hour Breakfast!















I went to a restaurant that serves 
"breakfast at any time." So I ordered 

French Toast during the Renaissance...

Humor Del Refrigerador!



Q: Why do UNC grads leave
empty milk cartons in the
fridge?

A: In case someone wants
black coffee.





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A Helping Friend!



I was expecting my Oriental 
friend Chu to arrive at the
airport and wanted to be 
picked up at the same time 
that I had a pressing commitment 
elsewhere. I simply couldn't
be in two places at once, 
but I couldn't get out of 
my previous commitment. 

What to do? 


Then I remembered that

my friend Stuart had 
offered several times 
to help me if he ever 
could in any way. 

Maybe he could solve 

my problem.

So I called him up, explained 

my dilemma to him, and asked
him, "Please, Stu, meet Chu."

Lost UNC Dog!




Crying her eyes out, the UNC
grad approached the policeman
and said that her dog, Fido, was lost.

The officer suggested that she
put an ad in the paper.

The UNC grad replied, "Well,
I thought of that, but I decided
against it."

"Why did you decide against it?"
asked the officer.

"I remembered that my dear little
Fido can't read," sniffed the UNC grad.




Popular Restaurant - Near UNC!



When my husband and I showed
up at a very popular Chapel Hill
restaurant, it was crowded.


I went up to the hostess and asked,
"Will it be long?"

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing
in her book. I asked again, "How much
of a wait?"

The woman looked up and said,
"About ten minutes."

A short time later, we heard an 

announcement over the loud - 
speaker: "Willette B. Long, you're
table is ready."





Psychiatrist Visit!



A UNC grad tells her psychiatrist,
"Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."


The shrink replies, "Come now, pull
yourself together."








Estacionamiento De la Universidad!




A UNC* student was in court 
charged with parking in a restricted 
area. The judge asked him if he 
had anything to say in his defense. 

"They shouldn't put up such 

misleading notices," said the 
guy. "The sign said 'FINE FOR 
PARKING HERE'."

*Please see "comments"
for additional pertinent
& germane information.




Voiture De Fille D'Université! T3H7P12H



Q: Why do UNC students like to drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.





T3H7P12H

Happy Tails To You!



For all you Millennials who don't understand this Humor:



"Happy Trails" by Dale Evans Rogers, was the theme song for the 1940s and 1950s radio program and the 1950s television show starring Roy Rogers and Dale Evans Rogers, always sung over the end credits of the program. Happy Trails was released in 1952 as a 78 RPM and 45 RPM by Rogers and Evans with the Whippoorwills and Orchestra on RCA Victor Records. It was re-issued in 1957 as a 45 RPM record on RCA Victor/Bluebird. Members of the Western Writers of America chose it as one of the Top 100 Western songs of all time. - Wikipedia

De Opiniepeiling van de telefoon!



I took a part time job as an opinion 
poll sampler. On my very first call, 
I introduced myself, "Hello, this is 
a telephone poll."

The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this 

is a street lamp!"


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Humor Cartoons!











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Funny Political Cartoons! (Or Are They?)



MORE!!!


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Classical Music (While You Read):

Yours To Enjoy!!!





FACEBOOK!!!

TUMBLR!!!
TWITTER!!!
A CHRISTIAN LOOK AT AMERICAN POLITICS!
(Why Not Join Us!)



Great Politically Conservative Commentaries:

TOWNHALL!!!

HERITAGE FOUNDATION!!!

RUSH!!!

Charles Hurt!!!


+++


Sad? Lonely? Worried?


NeedHim.Org


1-888-NEED-HIM


More Help:


Cru.org

Maarifa.org
YoursForLife.net
LookingForGod.com
PeaceWithGod.Jesus.net
EveryStudent.com/videoroom.php
EveryStudent.com/menus/intl.html

Jesus Movie (1100 Languages):

JesusFilmMedia.org




A Letter To Friends!




Dearest Friends,

Here's how it will end (perhaps very soon):

I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride, beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of thing has passed away.

Sincerely Yours,
John

#JesusChristCommand


               A command to each Christian for 2017!

♪♫ ♫ Ultra-Romantic Choir Music From The 50s & 60s! (2+ Hour Beautiful Video Album)



Who Listens? ♥♥♥


Over 5.1 million folks have viewed all currently posted videos on YouTube. Does not count what other folks repost...

Professor Howdy
Prof Howdy
T3H7P12H

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+++


It's Very Biblical To Compare Christianity

To Romance & Vice Versa! (Analogy
Doesn't Work For Other Religions)
Classical Music fits beautifully
into your everyday life...

...An Attempt to Incorporate Timeless

Music into your Contemporary Scene...

This Music with Earphones on your

iPad, iPhone or iPod transcends
into pleasurable dream videos...

Music Videos are defined

as theater of the mind!

Create your dreams now...

You know how!

Listen Now!!!

Monday

The Musician!



A UNC musician is hot and tired 
after the game, so he pulls into the 
7-11 to get a cold drink. While
he's buying
his slurpee, he suddenly 

realizes that he spaced out -- the 
accordion is in the back seat,
in full view!


He rushes out of the store... 

but it's too late.

Someone
has already broken 

the car window.......
and left another accordion!


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UNC Take Out!



My daughter and I went through the UNC Cafeteria's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money."

I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back."

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at the UNC Cafeteria. Or do. Who knows, you might get lucky.

(I put the extra in the tip jar.)


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Um Estudante Muito Engraçado



A UNC student noticed another 

UNC student walking up and 
down the street, wearing a sandwich
board that read "Free Big Mac!"

Strolling over with a look of concern, 

the first UNC student asked, "Why? 
What'd he do?"

Chapel Hill Destruction!




A very large, old, building was being torn down
in Chapel Hill to make room for a new skyscraper.
Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not
be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction

workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind
the elevator shaft. They decided that they should
call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the

closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed
and standing upright. They said, "This could be
Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."

Two days went by and the construction workers

couldn't stand it anymore; they had to know who
they had found. They called the police and said,
"We are the two guys who found the skeleton in
the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy
Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was

somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"


"The 1956 UNC National Hide-and-Seek Champion."


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