Wednesday

UNC Math Class!




The UNC math professor said, 
"Now class, we know their are 
60 seconds in a minute, 60 
minutes in an hour, 24 hours 
in a day, and 365 days in a 
year, so who can tell me how 
many seconds there are in a year?"

All the students looked baffled 
by the question except Rufus, 
who raises his hand and waves 
it excitedly. "Yes, Rufus, how 
many seconds are there in a 
year?" the math professor asked.

Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. 
January second, February
second, March second..."

Three Women In Court!



Three women appeared in court, 
each accusing the others of causing 
the trouble they were having in the 
apartment building where they lived. 

The women were arguing noisily
even in the court. The judge, 

banging his gavel to quiet them,
said, "We are going to do this 

in an orderly manner. I can't 
listen to all of you at once. 
I'll hear the oldest first." 

The case was dismissed for 

lack of testimony.

#BrokenPencil

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Bank Robbery!




A lawyer enters a 
bank as a robber 
is making his get -
away.

Noticing that the 

customers have 
their faces buried 
in the floor, and 
the tellers have 
their hands in 
the air, the lawyer 
asks what's going 
on. As the bank 
manager dials the
police department 
he shouts, "That 
man just walked 
out of here with 
a million dollars!"

"A million dollars! 

Why didn't you 
say something?" 
the lawyer says 
in shock. "I would 
have given him 
my card."

Riddles!



1) I am never quite what I appear to be.
Straight-forward I seem,
but it's only skin deep,
for mystery most often lies beneath my
simple speech.
Sharpen your wits, open your eyes,
look beyond my exteriors, read me backwards,
forwards, upside down.
Think critically and answer the question...
What am I?




2) Like a clown I bring laughter to a child's face,
Like a bird I can fly through open space.
People buy me only to throw me away
Come the very next warm summer day.




3) I always fall,
but I never get hurt.
I can bend over backwards,
but cannot break.
I arrive free of charge
but often leave for a fee.
What am I?


*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity but
no machination or peeking allowed.



http://static.flickr.com/160/433975647_19d679246f_m.jpg

Word Knowledge Quiz!

http://static.flickr.com/35/70845583_623c60a4cb_m.jpg

Match the words in the left-hand
column with the correct definition
in the right-hand column.


1. usurp .............. A. A tale of sorrow
2. slimsy ............. B. Tending to do nothing
3. pleonasm ...... C. Requiring immediate aid or action
4. peripatetic .... D. Use something without the right to do so
5. mores ............. E. The use of more words than are necessary
6. exigent ........... F. A naive girl or young woman
7. delectation ... G. Of or pertaining to walking about or traveling from place to place
8. jeremiad ....... H. Great pleasure
9. ingenue .......... I. The fixed customs of a particular group
10. faineant ...... J. Both slight and flimsy


*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

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& not Mobile Devices. Thanks Google!

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Tuesday

#EatingSpagetti

                               #Spagetti #ProfHowdy #SillyQuestion #Funny Question

Bar Service!





A man walks into a restaurant 
with his pet alligator under
his arm. "Do you serve tax 
collectors?", he asks the 
barman.

"Of course", says the barman. 


 "Well," replies the man,
"I'll have a root beer, 
and my alligator will 
have a tax collector."

Fixing A Flat - UNC Style!



There was this fellow from UNC 
who had a flat tire. He pulled off 
on the side of the road, jumped 
out of his car, walked down the 
hillside and picked a bunch of 
wildflowers, and proceeded to 
put one bouquet of the flowers 
in front of the car and one behind 
it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as 
he drove by and was so curious 
he turned around and went back. 
He asked the fellow what the 
problem was. The man replied,
"I have a flat tarr."

In response the passerby asked, 
"But what's with the flowers?

The man responded, "When you 
break down the State of North 
Carolina tells you to put flares 
in the front and flares in the 
back! I never did understand 
it neither cause the tarr is still 
flat."

UNC Math Homework!



A UNC Freshman came to school 
crying.


When the professor asked the 
reason, Michelle exclaimed, 
"I couldn't complete my math 
assignment."

"Why's that?" The prof asked.

Michelle: "My computer doesn't
have Roman numerals."

Why You Never Hear Of School Shootings In Israel!



Great Matthew Henry Quote About Love!


The Throne!


Let us then approach the throne of grace 
with confidence, so that we may receive mercy 
and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

- Hebrews 4:16 

A Letter To Friends!





Dear Friends,

As for God, His way is perfect;
the Word of the Lord is
flawless.
He is a shield for all who take
refuge in Him.


Sincerely,
David


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Sunday

Three Ways!



There are three ways to get things done:

1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it

Guess What?


New UNC Bride!



Montague came home to his 

noble estate, only to find his 
new bride sobbing at the bar.

"Penelope, what's wrong?" 
he asked, wiping the tears 
from her eyes, gently.


"Oh, Montague darling, 
I wanted to surprise
you with a nice martini 
when you came in the
door," she gulped. 

 "I started out by rinsing

the ice cubes in hot water, 
and now I can't find them..."

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