Monday

♪♫ ♫ `Happy Thanksgiving 2017 Music!





From Dog Dictionary!



BICYCLES:

Two-wheeled exercise machines,
invented for dogs to control body
fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a
bush and dash out, bark loudly
and run alongside for a few yards;
the person then swerves and falls
into the bushes, and you then prance
away.


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Waking Up Is Hard To Do!



Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. 

Ice Cream - Chapel Hill!



An out-of-towner entered 
the Ice Cream Palace in
Chapel Hill and asked, 
"What kinds of ice cream 
do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," 
the UNC grad wheezed as she 
spoke, patted her chest and 
seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" 
the out-of-towner asked 
sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered, 
"just vanilla, chocolate 
and strawberry."

Democrat Cell Phone!



When a Democrat customer 
left his cell phone in my store,
I scrolled through his saved 
numbers, stopped at "Mom"
and pushed send. His mother 
answered, and I told her
what happened.

"Don't worry," she said, 

"I'll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell 

phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Berry," she said, "you left 

your cell phone at the con-
venience store."


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or #ProfHowdy

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Walking Down The Street!



Two atoms are walking 
down the street & they 
run into each other. 

One says to the other,

"Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"


#ProfHowdy
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How Do You Know?



This statement is false.

Job Application!



Applicants for jobs at the company 
where my friend Diana works are 
asked to fill out a questionnaire. 
Among the things candidates list 
is their high school and when they 
attended. One prospective employee 
who was a recent UNC grad dutifully 
wrote the name of her high school, 
followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.

Who Stopped The Payment?


Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 

New UNC Conductor!




The symphony musicians had little 
confidence in the UNC Music Grad 
brought in to be their new conductor. 

Their fears were realized at the very 
first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing 
that the conductor did not know what 
he was doing, angrily clashed his 
instruments together during a delicate, 
soft passage. The music stopped. The
conductor, highly agitated, looked 
angrily around the orchestra, 
demanding, "Who did that? 
Who did that?"


#ProfHowdy
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Can We Take The Bible Seriously Today?





LISTEN!!!

Who Stands Out?



Humor Cartoons!





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or #ProfHowdy


Funny Political Cartoons! (Or Are They?)




MORE!!!


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Classical Music (While You Read):

Yours To Enjoy!!!





FACEBOOK!!!

TUMBLR!!!
TWITTER!!!
A CHRISTIAN LOOK AT AMERICAN POLITICS!
(Why Not Join Us!)



Great Politically Conservative Commentaries:

TOWNHALL!!!

HERITAGE FOUNDATION!!!

RUSH!!!

Charles Hurt!!!


+++


Sad? Lonely? Worried?


NeedHim.Org


1-888-NEED-HIM


More Help:


Cru.org

Maarifa.org
YoursForLife.net
LookingForGod.com
PeaceWithGod.Jesus.net
EveryStudent.com/videoroom.php
EveryStudent.com/menus/intl.html

Jesus Movie (1100 Languages):

JesusFilmMedia.org




♫ ♪♫ ♫ Great Hits From America's Golden Years (1950s & 1960s)! #ProfHowdy



Elevator Music vs. Easy Listening Music! ♥♥♥


What is the difference between Elevator Music & Easy Listening Music?




Elevator Music is typically set to a very simple melody so that it can be unobtrusively looped back to the beginning. The dynamic range is also normally reduced, so that the highs and lows do not distract listeners. In a mall or shopping center, elevator music of a specific type has been found to have a psychological effect: slower, more relaxed music tends to make people slow down and browse longer. Elevator music may also be preferred over broadcast radio stations because of the lack of lyrics and commercial interruptions.


Easy Listening Music is the music of Love & Romance!

Music From When Lyrics Were Both Beautiful & Romantic!


Some people can't hear the difference because they are slightly tone deaf. The difference is PASSION! 

Easy Listening music is often confused with so-called elevator music provided by Muzak Holdings and other music services for malls and elevators, or lounge music, but while it was popular in some of the same venues it bore only modest resemblance to the background sound of this kind of music. 

A significant portion of easy listening music is purely instrumental and included some big band and orchestral arrangements of standards, themes from movies, bossa nova hits and small instrumental ensembles playing instrumental versions of popular songs. Orchestras and groups include Percy Faith, André Kostelanetz, The Melachrino Strings, The 101 Strings, Herb Alpert, Arthur Fiedler, Ray Conniff & Arthur Fiedler.

During the 1950s & 1960s, Easy Listening was dominate on FM stations in major American cities.



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Sunday

Who Reads What?



Who reads what?

1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2.The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3.The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to
run the country.

4.USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the
country but don't understand the Washington Post.

5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind
running the country, if they could spare the time.

6.The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7.The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country.

8.The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's
running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.



9.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country, or that anyone is running it.

10.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.

11.'Thought & Humor' is read by people who should be running the country:O)





#ProfHowdy
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Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
'Thought & Humor'
has arrived after winding its
way through the Internet’s highways and byways to your
idiosyncratic computer.

We welcome all our great readers to another unique
blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
daily entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic
but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....

===============

*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.


===============

Why Am I Here:


Click Here

===============

'Thought & Humor'
has been read in all 50 States,
all 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge,
every Ivy League School & all major American
Universities including UNC!!!


===============

The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not
crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,
converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it
out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why
this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin
responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word.
they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or
reluctantly." - Joe Boot

Monday

Is It In The Dictionary?



The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.

Diplômé D'Université!



The graduate with a Science 
degree from MSU asks...

Graduates with an Engineering 
degree from FSU asks...

Grads with an Accounting 
degree JSU asks...

The UNC Art School graduate 
asks...


See "comments" for answer...

Differences Between Men & Women!



1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara 
go out for lunch, they will call each other 
Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth & Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, 
they will affectionately refer to each 
other as Fat Boy, Butch, Peanut-Head 
and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, 
Eric and Tom will each throw in a 
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. 
None of them will have anything smaller 
and none will actually admit they want 
change back.

When the women get their bill, 
out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that 
she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: 
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, 
a bar of soap, and a towel from the 
Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would 
not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the 
beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women 
aren't looking, men kick cats.
(Prof Howdy likes cats!)

7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, 
water the plants, empty the garbage, 
answer the phone, read a book, and 
get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings 
and funerals.

8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until 
she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future 
until he gets a wife.

9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more 
money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find 
such a man.

10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting 
he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting 
that she won't change, and she does.


#ProfHowdy
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Democrat Wife!


The district attorney was cross-
examining the murderess* on 
the witness stand.

"And so after you had poisoned 

the coffee and your husband sat 
at the breakfast table partaking 
of the fatal dosage, didn't you 
feel any qualms? Didn't you feel 
the slightest pity for him knowing 
that he was about to die and was 
wholly unconscious of it?"

"Yes," she answered. "Come to 

think of it...there was just a moment 
when I sort of felt sorry for him."

"And, when was that?"


"When he asked for the second cup."




(*Further research found that she 
had voted Democrat in every election 
since she was twelve!)


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UNC Deer Hunting!




Two UNC grads went hunting 
& were dragging their dead 
deer back to their car. Another 
hunter approached pulling his 
along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you 

how to do something... but 
can tell you that it's much 
easier if you drag the deer 
in the other direction. Then 
the antlers won't dig into 
the ground."

After the third hunter left, 

the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter 

said to the other, "You know, 
that guy was right. This is 
a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, 

"but we're getting farther
away from the truck...."





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