Monday

Airport Ticket Counter!


Eastern Air Lines - DC-7 Golden Falcon by Douglas - Capt. Hite

A UNC student walked into up 
to an airport ticket counter and 
asked to buy a round trip ticket.

"Where to?" Asked the smiling 

ticket agent.

The student rolled her eyes and 

said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"

5 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

The UNC freshmen were attending their first music lesson.
The music prof was trying to begin at the beginning. She
drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a student
to come up and write a note on it.

The freshman went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful
for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma, just a short
note to tell you I'm fine."

Professor Howdy said...

A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same
distance. On the ocean, a nautical mile measures 6,080
feet. A land or statute mile is 5,280 feet.

Professor Howdy said...

Dear Howdy,

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on
the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag
migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address
of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:

Wash. Biol. Surv.

Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas
camper:

Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a
crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want
to tell you it was horrible.

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

Sincerely,
Howard D. (UNC)

Jill C. said...

The disciples of Jesus had been through more in two weeks than most can say
of a lifetime. They were undoubtedly exhausted and confused, still
processing all that had taken place. Recounting words, reliving
experiences--everything they knew was touched and altered in the three
years they spent with Jesus of Nazareth. They were fishermen, tax
collectors, and physicians who became students, friends, and followers of
a rabbi that set something terrible and wonderful in motion; even if they
did not yet have their minds around it, there was an awareness that they
were standing on holy ground. They saw him perform miracles. They saw
him worshipped and despised. They saw him beaten and killed and buried.
They saw the body. And then they saw him alive--twice.

Early in the morning, possibly out of habit, possibly out of a need to be
in waters familiar to their time with the one they just lost, the
disciples went fishing (see John 21). As they were fishing, Jesus stood
on the shore, but the disciples did not realize who it was. From the
shore he called out, "Friends, haven't you any fish?"

"No," they answered.

"Throw your net on the right side of the boat," he said, "and you will
find some."

Perhaps since they had hopelessly exhausted all other options, perhaps
because the advice seemed hopefully familiar (see Luke 5), they listened
to the one on the shore. And when they did, they were unable to haul the
net in because of the large number of fish.

Immediately one of them cried out in recognition: "It is the Lord!" As
soon as Peter heard it, he jumped into the water and swam to the shore.
The other disciples hurriedly followed in the boat, towing the net full of
fish. When they came ashore, they saw a fire of burning coals there with
fish on it and some bread. And Jesus said to them, "Come and have
breakfast."

Whether it is the first or the fiftieth time hearing John's retelling of
the appearance of the resurrected Jesus, it is a story that saturates its
readers with anticipation. It is a story to rightfully get caught up in.
Once again in the midst of the one who called them to follow, the disciples
approach the fire, their hearts burning within them as they stand beside
the Lord. And in this third appearance of the one they saw dead and
buried, Jesus invites them to eat with him.

Humbled by the tremors of God's glory, the hope that something was at work
beyond them, the disciples were silenced before the life before them; they
were surrendered to the truth of God in the presence of Christ. John
recounts the common sentiment among them. His words seem almost to bow
before Jesus's invitation to nearness: Writes John, "None of the
disciples dared ask him, 'Who are you?' For they knew it was the
Lord" (John 21:12).

There was a time when I found myself yearning to add my voice to that
fireside quietness. Struggling with the God whose persistence I found
exhausting, whose very will required me to repeatedly relinquish my own,
unlike the disciples, I did dare to ask. "Who are you?" I wanted
to shout. "And what do you want from me?"

Yet as French philosopher Michel de Montaigne once wrote, "There are
triumphant defeats that rival victories." Along the human road of
surrendering to God, the battle seems an unavoidable illustration. And
there is truth to the thought that surrendering to God is a struggle that
begins again every day as if nothing had yet been done. But it is in this
great surrendering where we find, as Fredrick Buechner observes, "the
magnificent defeat of the human soul at the hands of God."

In the presence of the one that moved mountains of sin and unawareness and
brought them to the feet of God, the disciples found reason to surrender.
Might we also be humbled by the God who refuses to leave despite the words
we shout in protest, despite our refusal to surrender. Might we be awed by
the one who says, "Follow me!" and expects us to trust that he will not
leave or forsake us. And might we marvel at the God who, carrying in his
body the scars of defeat, invites us to the nearness that is our victory.


Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias
International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.


-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM)
"A Slice of Infinity" is aimed at reaching into the culture with words of
challenge, words of truth, and words of hope. If you know of others who
would enjoy receiving "A Slice of Infinity" in their email box each day,
tell them they can sign up on our website at
http://www.rzim.org/slice/slice.php. If they do not have access to the
World Wide Web, please call 1-877-88SLICE (1-877-887-5423).

Professor Howdy said...



*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs* including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), N.U.T., A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State. UNC
is a trademark of Underachievers of North Carolina...


*Please Note: Two of the above doctorate degrees are
held by the acclaimed, aristocratic, arresting, brilliant,
celebrated, conspicuous, dignified, distingue, eminent,
especial, esteemed, extraordinary, famed, foremost,
glorious, great, highly regarded, honored, illustrious,
imposing, marked, memorable, noble, nonpareil,
notable, noted, noteworthy, peerless, prominent,
remarkable, renowned, reputable, royal, salient,
shining, signal, singular, special, stately, striking,
superior, talked of, unforgettable, venerable,
well-known but very humble Professor Dr. Howdy.
Can you guesstimate which two???


*******************************



*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor'
and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C. - Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.



===============





Just What is 'Thought & Humor' anyway???

Watch Video:


Click Here



===============


Just What/Who/Where
is UNC anyway???

Watch Video:


Click Here



===============


All of us, at one time or another, have experienced
the strange physiological reaction of zygomatic
stimulation and subsequent larynx strain.

This strain upsets the respiratory system, which
results in deep, noisy gasps. The mouth opens
and closes as the lungs struggle for oxygen.

The struggle for oxygen causes the face to turn
various shades of red and strange, unique noises
emerge from deep within. What is this strange,
physiological reaction I am describing? It is laughter!

We normally associate laughter with humor. But,
gelotology, the study of laughter, suggests another
trigger for laughter called the incongruity theory.

This theory suggests that laughter arises when logic
and familiarity are replaced by things that don't normally
go together--when we expect one outcome and another
happens. Generally speaking, our minds and bodies
anticipate what's going to happen and how it's going
to end based on logical thought, emotion, and our past
experience. But, when circumstances go in unexpected
directions, our thoughts and emotions suddenly have
to switch gears and laughter emerges out of the tension
between what we expect--and what actually happens.
- - Margaret Manning


===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a child my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)


===============

Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.

Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============


Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

And this Good News about the Kingdom will be
preached through all the world for a witness to
all people; and then the end will come. Mat 24:14




===============


Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?


http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html

Click Here


===============




Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -

(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it.
--Matthew 7:13-14




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor'
is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________

References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Buffalosjokes, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease, Crosswalk.com,
CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

'Thought & Humor'
respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Here's some blogs that I found
of interest
as I negotiated my way
through cyberspace:

Every Student
Religion Comparison
Around the Well
Danish Cartoons
Arabic Cartoons
Muhammad or Jesus???
Answering Islam
Is Jesus God?
A Short Look At Six World Religions
God's Word in different languages...
How to become a Christian
Who Is Jesus?
See The Word
Watch The Jesus Movie
Spanish Cartoons
German Cartoons
Chinese Cartoons
Italian Cartoons
Greek Cartoons
Japanese Cartoons
Portuguese Cartoons
French Cartoons
Hindi Cartoons
Russian Cartoons

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


P U R P O S E of 'Thought & Humor:

But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts

O God, You have taught me from my
youth; And to this day I declare
Your wondrous works. Now also when
I am old and gray headed, O God,
do not forsake me, Until I declare
Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
Ps 71

Follow T&H!