Hubby Washes Sweatshirt!

One day, a housework-challenged 
hubby decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped up to the 

washing machine, he shouted to his 
wife, "Honey, what setting do I use 
on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does 

it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "I Vote Democrat!"


Professor Howdy said...

Once a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near
UNC. When he turned onto the street at the end of the
ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into
his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of
his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top
of his car.

So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a com-
munity service by giving the driver his chicken. So he
pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket
off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver
looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some."

Professor Howdy said...

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular Chapel
Hill restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and
asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked
again, "How much of a wait?"

The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud-
speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."


You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love
to all who call on You. --Psalm 86


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true, Doc?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it,
don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's
like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


"A television commercial portrays a man in a car talking on his cell
phone—with the Devil. The man and the Devil banter back and forth; the
Devil offers the man riches and power and so on. But the smiling driver
refuses each of these offers as he accelerates around a mountainous curve.
Admiring his car, he simply says, "I have all that" and hangs up. We now
understand what the ad is selling. But I wonder if it is also, not so
subtly, selling something else. The commercial seems to say, pleasure is
not a spiritual matter; it is something in which you alone are the driver.

King Solomon was a man who had every pleasure the human eye has ever
desired, yet he came to a strikingly different conclusion. In the book of
Ecclesiastes he wrestles with a question any pleasure-driven culture would
do well to ponder. He asks, "What does pleasure really accomplish?"

Solomon personally set out to find the answer to this question, using
pleasure as his vehicle. He writes, "I denied myself nothing my eyes
desired. I refused my heart no pleasure" (2:10). King Solomon embraced
the pleasures of success and power, wine and women, servants and
entertainers. He built buildings, expanded his territory and possessed
more wealth than any kingdom. And he observed, "My heart took delight in
all my work and yet this was the reward for all my labor—when I surveyed
all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything
was meaningless, a mere chasing after the wind. Nothing was gained under
the sun" (2:10-11).

Jack Higgins, an accomplished author, was once asked in an interview,
"What is it you know now that you wish you'd known as a younger man?"
Without even batting an eyelid, he said, "I wish I had known that when you
get to the top, there is nothing there."

To borrow from our earlier illustration, when you alone are the driver in
your pursuit of pleasure, pleasure will ultimately end up driving you. It
will drive you from pleasure to pleasure—each time with the hope of
fulfillment. Weariness comes when you realize this seemingly looming
fulfillment is quite simply an empty mirage.

Solomon pointedly describes this when he proclaims over and over,
"Nothing was gained under the sun." It is that qualifier, "under the sun"
which unlocks the answer. It is a Hebraism literally meaning, "Outside
of God." It is a potent reminder that when you lock God out of your pursuits
everything becomes a chasing after the wind.

Pleasure "under the sun" exudes the promise of refreshing, but in the end
is only exhausting, an endless chase of emptiness. The satisfaction you
and I seek is fulfilled along the road to Christ. When he is what drives
you, pleasure yields new meaning. Jill Carattini

Professor Howdy said...

When Ever wonder how much you're worth? Well, we know all humans
are priceless, but seriously, ever wonder how much money
the elements found in your body are worth?

Well...when we total the monetary value of the elements in our
bodies and the value of the average person's skin, we arrive
at a net worth of $4.50!

This value is, however, subject to change, due to stock market
fluctuations. Since the studies leading to this conclusion
were conducted by the U.S. and by Japan respectively, it might
be wise to consult the New York Stock Exchange and the Nikkei
Index before deciding when to sell!

The U.S. Bureau of Chemistry and Soils invested many a hard-
earned tax dollar in calculating the chemical and mineral
composition of the human body, which breaks down as follows:

65% Oxygen
18% Carbon
10% Hydrogen
3% Nitrogen
1.5% Calcium
1% Phosphorous
0.35% Potassium
0.25% Sulfur
0.15% Sodium
0.15% Chlorine
0.05% Magnesium
0.0004% Iron
0.00004% Iodine

Additionally, it was discovered that our bodies contain trace
quantities of fluorine, silicon, manganese, zinc, copper,
aluminum, and arsenic. Together, all of the above amounts to
less than one dollar!

Our most valuable asset is our skin, which the Japanese
invested their time and money in measuring. The method the
Imperial State Institute for Nutrition at Tokyo developed
for measuring the amount of a person's skin is to take a
naked person, and to apply a strong, thin paper to every
surface of his body. After the paper dries, they carefully
remove it, cut it into small pieces, and painstakingly total
the person's measurements. Cut and dried, the average person
is the proud owner of fourteen to eighteen square feet of
skin, with the variations. Basing the skin's value on the
selling price of cowhide, which is approximately $.25 per
square foot, the value of an average person's skin is about
$3.50. Please check out John 3:16

Anonymous said...

Just a general comment. I wanted to thank you for the levity and the laughs that you bring every day. I am so glad that you let us laugh with you and not at you.

Keep at it.

Professor Howdy said...

For he said to God, "I will declare the wonder of Your Name to my brothers and sisters. I will praise You among all Your people." - Hebrews 2:12 NLT

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