Monday

Lost At Night!



A telephone repairman was 
working late in a big office
building and became lost.

After a long search of the 
rambling first floor to find 
an exit, he spotted a woman 
at the end of a corridor.

"Excuse me, can you tell me 
how do I get outside?" he asked.

"Dial 9," she replied.

8 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

"Why don't we ever hear of a thief burglarizing a liberal politician's house?"
"Professional courtesy."

Anonymous said...

Dear Howdy,

Evolution has nothing to do with true science.
It is in fact a religion diametrically opposed to biblical
Christianity.

Dave H.

Anonymous said...

Dear Howdy,

Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV
there are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us
nothing but trouble.

Many of our children go there and never come back. Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and until recently they've had loopy leadership.
Many of their people are uncivilized.

The place is subject to natural disasters, which we are supposed to bail them
out of. Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects, which we do not understand.

Their folkways, foods and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.
Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders.

They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to rebuild,
which we can't afford. Why are we still there?

The answer is clear.. we must pull out of California.

David W. - New Jersey

Professor Howdy said...

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened
with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said.
"What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I
haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle
and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm
supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she
said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an
hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner
for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at
your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll
do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband! Is this 861-1200?

"No, this is 861-2100."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're
not coming over?"

Professor Howdy said...

Have you seen a scratch-n-sniff pad? You rub a hard object (like
your fingernail) along the paper and somehow an aroma is released.
You might also have seen perfume ads in magazines where you pull open
a panel and the smell comes wafting out. How does this work?

The secret is microencapsulation, a technology that is used in much
more than just scratch-n-sniff pads. The idea is to enclose minute
amounts of liquid, solid, or gas inside very tiny containers
called microcapsules. When the containers are broken, the contents
are released.

In the case of scratch-n-sniff, your fingernail breaks the tiny
capsules and the smell is released. Microcapsules are also used in
detergents, drugs, and many other places where chemicals need to
be released at controlled times.

All about microencapsulation:

Click Here
http://www.swri.edu/3pubs/ttoday/summer/microeng.htm

Click Here
http://www.swri.edu/4org/d01/microenc/microen/default.htm

Professor Howdy said...

It was the biggest snowstorm of the winter. Not the kind you dig out of
very quickly. The news reported that one of America's major cities had been
virtually shut down by this massive carpet of white stuff. And the evening
news showed one hazard of such a storm that was really out of the ordinary -
a hazard really that should not have happened. The man in the news had
started the challenging job of shoveling the sidewalk in front of his house,
which happened to be on a main street. At the same time, the city snowplows
were busily moving the snow that was clogging the main streets. That's when
it happened, somehow captured on video for all of us news watchers to see.

The snowplow roared past the man on the sidewalk, and showered him
with this heavy shower of snow spraying out either side - literally burying
Mr. Shoveler in a sudden avalanche from the street and from the sky. The
snowplow plowed onward, with the operator never even knowing what he had
done. Thankfully, the man on the sidewalk was able to dig out unharmed, but
stunned. After all, snowplows are for unburying streets, not burying people.
Right?

So apparently the driver was so focused on what he was doing that he
inadvertently snowplowed a person. Excuse me, but you don't have to drive a
snowplow to make that mistake. Sadly, I've done it way too many times in my
life, and it's possible you could be unintentionally snowplowing some people
you know. You're a make-it-happen, goal-oriented, destination-oriented
person. And God can really use those characteristics, but there is a
downside - if people get snowplowed because all you can see is your goal.

Then there's the example of the man who had more to get done during
His life than any man ever has ... Jesus Christ. He was intensely
goal-oriented, doing whatever it took to accomplish His life-saving mission.
Listen, for example, to Luke 9:51. "As the time approached for Him to be
taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem." Hey, it was why
He had come, and He was not about to be deterred.

But Jesus was no snowplow. In Luke 18, some of Israel's religious
big shots are meeting with Jesus. The disciples are playing goalie, telling
parents who are bringing their children to Jesus to take off. Until "Jesus
called the children to Him." He always had time for the children. They had
no votes to cast, no money to give Him, no keys to any doors, but He set
aside everything to be with the kids.

Then, in Luke 18:39-40, our word for today from the Word of God,
we hear of His visit to Jericho, where the townsfolk wanted to make a good
impression on Him. So, they told the local blind beggar to shut up his
embarrassing yelling for Jesus' attention. But "Jesus stopped and ordered
the man to be brought to Him." And Jesus took time with the man nobody
had time for, and He healed him.

The man with more to do than anyone ever had to do was more
sensitive to the people along the way than anyone has ever been. And He's
the one you're following. If you've been snowplowing people as you move
toward your goals - maybe even your family, your coworkers, people you
really care about - well, that's too high a price to pay for progress. When
you're moving fast, people can become something less than those precious
"image of God" creations to you. They can become objects, obstacles,
intrusions, stepping stones, tools to just get it done ... but how totally
unlike your Master.

Long after your work is done and your mission has been accomplished,
the people in your life will still be there. Don't ever let your work leave them
buried by your human snowplow. They matter too much to Jesus for that.
Ron Hutchcraft




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Professor Howdy said...

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found
absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and
then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure
your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your
troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses
to sleep alone."

Professor Howdy said...

Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said:
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable
beasts I have ever seen."

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said: "I think I just
heard a discouraging word."

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