Tuesday

A Handy Pocket-Size Excuse List!



I'd love to but...

*The man on television told me to stay tuned.
*It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
*I'm building a real 747 from a kit.
*I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
*I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.



*I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

*I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
*I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
*My plot to take over the world is thickening.
*I have to fulfill my potential.



*It's too close to the turn of the century.
*I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
*I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
*I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
*I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
*I'm trying to be less popular.
*I have to study for a blood test.
*I have to rotate my crops.
*I prefer to remain an enigma.
*I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.

http://garyploski.com/wp-content/uploads/garfield.jpg

10 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
*************************

1) high-muck-a-muck hii muk a muk (noun)
: somebody in a position of importance and authority who
behaves in an overbearing way

Mid-19th century. Origin uncertain: probably by folk
etymology from Chinook jargon hiyu muck-amuck, literally
"ten portions of choice whalemeat," by association with
high.

Nobody liked the boss because he acted like such a high-
muck-a-muck.

2) gramarye grammeree (noun)
: magic and enchantment (archaic)

Fourteenth century. From Anglo-Norman gramarie "Latin
grammar," a variant of Old French gramaire.

The children were amazed by the gramarye of the circus.

Professor Howdy said...

Q: Why couldn't the pony talk???
A: Because he was a little horse!!!

Professor Howdy said...

NEW DEFINITIONS:

*Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray'-ter\ : A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
*Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl' \ : What a bullfighter tries to do
*Baloney \buh-lo'-nee' \ : Where some hemlines fall
*Bernadette \burn'-a-det' \ : The act of torching a mortgage
*Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize' \ : What a crook sees with
*Control \kon'-trol\ : A short, ugly inmate
*Counterfeiters \kown'-ter-fit'-ers\ : Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
*Eclipse \ee-klips' \ : What a Cockney barber does for a living
*Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\ : A clumsy ophthalmologist
*Heroes \hee-rhos' \ : What a guy in a boat does
*Left Bank \left' bangk' \ : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot
*Misty \mis-tee' \ : How golfers create divots
*Paradox \par'-u-doks' \ : Two physicians
*Parasites \par'-ih-sites' \: What you see from the top of the EiffelTower
*Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist \ : A helper on the farm
*Polarize \po'-lur-ize' \ : What penguins see with
*Primate \pri'-mate' \ : Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
*Relief \ree-leef' \ : What trees do in the spring
*Selfish \sel'-fish' \ : What the owner of a seafood store does
*Subdued \sub-dood' \ : Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
*Sudafed \sood'-a-fed' \ : Brought litigation against a government official










===============






As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is
formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the
work of God, the Maker of all things. --Ecclesiastes 11

Professor Howdy said...

The Hayloft


Through all the pleasant meadow-side
The grass grew shoulder-high,
Till the shining scythes went far and wide
And cut it down to dry.

Those green and sweetly smelling crops
They led the wagons home;
And they piled them here in mountain tops
For mountaineers to roam.

Here is Mount Clear, Mount Rusty-Nail,
Mount Eagle and Mount High;--
The mice that in these mountains dwell,
No happier are than I!

Oh, what a joy to clamber there,
Oh, what a place for play,
With the sweet, the dim, the dusty air,
The happy hills of hay!

~Robert Louis Stevenson

Professor Howdy said...

The opening of a new store in town usually creates a buzz. Something
like one of those major discount stores, for example, or that mecca
do-it-yourself place, Home Depot - which stirred things up when it opened
in our community for sure. This is not a commercial for them, just an
observation. Some observers say that Home Depot's comprehensive inventory
and competitive prices have actually helped interest a whole new wave of
people in doing their own home improvements. It's meant to be sort of
one-stop shopping for everything you need to build your home.

If only building or improving a home was just a matter of plywood,
sheet rock, and tile. That will take care of a place called home, but not
necessarily the people who are really what home is. Building a marriage,
building your children - that's far more challenging. And you can't just go
to a store to pick up the materials you need to be the right kind of mom or
dad, to be what your wife need, what your husband needs.

And there's nothing like trying to make a family work to make you
face the things that need work inside you; inside your personality, your
heart, your soul. Living in the intensity of a family really exposes the
baggage that you're carrying from your past, your weaknesses, your
selfishness, your dark side. There's this person we want to be that our
family really needs for us to be. Then there's this person we really are,
and we just don't know how to get from who we are to who we need to be.
The ugly stuff in us is now marking another generation and hurting the very
people we love the most. If we could change, we would have changed by now.

But there is a place you can go to find everything you need to build
your home; to someone whose spiritual resources have transformed millions
of people for thousands of years. Our word for today from the Word of God
spells out concisely but clearly the secret of a home that works. In Psalm
127:1, the inventor of the family says: "Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain." The simple truth is: you need the Lord to make
you what your family needs you to be. Because the darkness inside us is a
cancer we can't cure; the "disease of me" that no one on earth can cure.
God calls it "sin," and the Bible makes it clear that the cancer is incurable.
It's terminal. It says, "Sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death"
(James 1:15). That death has included the death of many marriages
and parent relationships over the years.

We're like a drowning person or a person trapped in the rubble of an
earthquake. Our only hope is a rescue. And because God loves you so much,
He launched a rescue mission for you and for me on a skull-shaped hill outside
Jerusalem called Golgotha. The Bible says, "He loves us and has freed us
from our sins by His blood" (Revelation 1:6). Your new beginning starts when
you, in your heart, find your way to the cross of Jesus to claim His
forgiveness for every wrong thing, every hurting thing you've ever done. He
died to forgive you, and then He rose from the dead to prove He has the
power to conquer anything including the darkness inside you. In the Bible's
words, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation"! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

You begin this transforming relationship with Jesus Christ the
moment you claim what He did on the cross for yourself personally - when
you tell Him with all your heart, "I'm totally yours, Jesus, from this moment
on." That new beginning could be today for you. If you're ready to belong to
this one who has more love for you, more power to help you change than
anyone there is, I hope you'll let me send you my booklet about beginning
with Jesus called Yours For Life. Just let me know you want it.

The greatest gift you can give the people you love is for you to
give yourself to Jesus. He alone can give you everything you need to build
your home. Ron Hutchcraft



If you're not sure you belong to Jesus,
and you would like to make sure
today, click here: http://www.yoursforlife.net/



Listen with RealAudio!
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To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:
awordwithyou-subscribe@hutchcraft.com

---------------------------------------------------------------------

To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED HIM.

Professor Howdy said...

Recommended by Howdy for improving your worldview:

Click Here

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/evangelical_viewpoint/

Professor Howdy said...

*Letters From The Past*


If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:







Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!






Dear Howdy,

I don't know how my email address got on your list, but I have
immensly enjoyed every email I have received from you since.
The riddles are fun, the humor is great, and the controversial
topics are enlightening. My friends all enjoy reading these
emails with me. Thank you so much for all your hard work
in making "Thoughts and Humor" the one email I look forward
to receiving every day.

Anonymous,
University of Missouri - Rolla

+++

Dear Howdy,

Check this out BEFORE election Day!!!

http://kerrylied.com/otherdocs/flash.htm

Sincerely,
Brenda S.

+++

Howdy,

I have to admit how much I love your humorous and challenging
newsletter. At first I did not believe "Thoughts and Humor" would
be of any interest to me, but I do enjoy the links to the politically
concerned web sites, which voice their sometimes useless opinions. ;-)

I also find the riddles and jokes to witty and comical. Hey at least
you're are not making a mockery of Florida State University. Thanks
for giving me something to look forward to during my time of tanning
and partying. XOXO

Elizabeth
Florida State University

+++

Dear Howdy,

Your are the Masked Mystery Person....Who are you,
where do you come from, and why are you so silly?
Love your articles, keep em' coming!

xo Anita xo



+++

Dear Howdy,

Whenever someone is doing a good work, there will be opposition.
There was opposition to Jesus' message when he walked the earth.
In fact, his ministry started with the Devil personally taking an interest.
He tried to tempt Him to sin. Satan failed but he also never gave up. He
thought he had won when Christ was crucified but that death was our
victory. Keep up the good work as long as God leads you to continue.
Following God's will for your life is the important thing you can do;
not what other people say about you or to you. In Him, you can be
strong.

Inalie Painter

+++

Hi Howdy,

I learned it as
"Little Miss Etticoat,
In her white petticoat --
Shorter and shorter she grows!
Oh how she suffers
While we with our snuffers
Are nipping her little red nose."

We sang it in first grade in 1939 -- 1940, and I didn't have
a clue about what it meant. Years later I learned that it
referred to a candle. But in 1939, nobody used candles
except on birthdays, and I'd never heard of snuffers.
The "Etticoat" part is still a mystery.
Harry Akers



+++

Dear Howdy,

One of your subscribers recommended your list on the our-kids
(a forum for families with children with disabilities) listserv.
I am in Island County, WA.

M.D.

+++

Dear Howdy,

Want to see a video of "girlie men"?
http://xrl.us/dkcs

A.S.




+++

Dear Howdy,

In a stunning October surprise, the Kerry-Edwards campaign has given
Dan Rather some documents signed by Noah, which prove that Ezekial
Bush, an ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the oil industry),
was responsible for the 40 days and nights of rain which resulted in the
Great Flood. The documents also show that Ararat Arks, a subsidiary of
Halliburton, made excessive profits by building Noah's Ark on a no-bid
contract. Because of these excess profits, the ark was built too small so
the last two dragons, unicorns, and patriotic liberals, were left behind to
drown.

Dan Rather admitted that while the documents may be forgeries the facts
aren't as important as the intent. Enraged environmentalists across the
country have parked their Volvos and gone on hunger strikes, vowing to eat
only Camembert cheese and tofu until John F. Kerry (who was awarded three
Purple Hearts in Viet Nam) is elected President.

CNN (the Clinton News Network) also ran a story showing that the Titanic
and the Hindenburg had both been manufactured by subsidiaries of Halliburton.
John Edwards immediately took time off from the campaign trail to file a
class-action lawsuit against Halliburton, Dick Cheney, the city of Elmhurst,
and all icebergs in the North Atlantic. Jesse Jackson was heard to react by
saying "Their boat didn't float, and their blimp went limp."

Michael Moore is producing a mockumentary showing that because of close
family ties to Emperor Hirohito, George H. W. Bush had been personally
informed in advance that Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, t! hus
giving him time to get the family yacht, named "Obscene Oil Profits", out of
the harbor before the bombing began. Howard Dean's voice is being used
to dub in the screams during the attack scenes in the movie.

The Ninth Circus Court in California has just ruled that since citizenship
status is not a constitutionally valid criteria for eligibility to vote,
illegal aliens are to be allowed to vote one time for each different Social
Security card that they have, provided that the addresses are different.
They excepted families in which the parents and children all have the same
last name as being too Americanized to be allowed this special non-citizen
privilege. Senator Hillary Clinton immediately clarified that the ruling
only applies to illegal aliens who are on welfare, and who vote for John F.
Kerry (who was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam).

Jimmy Carter announced that since only fraudulent voting practices could
possibly elect George Bush (who has friends in the oil industry), he will
invite France, North Korea, and Iran to oversee the nationwide vote re-count
if John F. Kerry (who was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam) is not
elected.

Ralph Nader was allegedly seen last night wandering the streets of downtown
Biloxi muttering "What about me? What about me? What about me?"

Peter Jennings announced today that he has DNA evidence that Pontius
Pilate was a direct ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the
oil industry). He also has papers showing that Dick Cheney still receives
an annuity from the company that manufactured the nails used in the
Crucifixion. John Kerry told a cheering crowd of morons that he had
a plan to prevent future crucifixions of saviors, but that his plan was a secret.
The anti-business wing of the democratic party praised his secret plan in
the hopes that he would increase taxes on nail companies until th! ey move
to China.

And last but not least, MoveOn.org has a story on its website which claims
that the Republican Party, guided over the centuries by ancestors of Barry
Goldwater and Ronald Reagan, is in reality a secret society which has been
working to undermine world equality by planning and creating the Great
Plague, World War One, the Depression, the Holocaust, World War Two,
the Korean War, the Vietnam War (in case you didn't know, John F. Kerry
was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam), 9-11, the death of Lacy Peterson,
Michael Jackson's face, AIDS, and the pending implosion of Social Security.
Spontaneous demonstrations are planned for the weekend preceding the
election. Charles Rangel and Nancy Pelosi have called for an independent
investigation to be completed by Al Gore as soon as he gets back on his
medications.

Sincerely,
Robert B. & Pattie P.



+++

Howdy,

I was wondering if you could send me some of your
"though and humor." My mom gets it and I always read
it and crack up. So, if you wouldn't mind sending it to me,
that would be great!

~gina~

P.S. I'm a sophomore (15) and I live in the boonies of MAINE!!
yeah, it's great:)

+++

Dear Howdy,

Yes, I am still receiving the issues and still love the content. It
would be really helpful if you would put the answers to the questions
closer (as in the riddles). By the time I finally make it to the end to
see if I have the right answers, I forgot the question (old age I
guess-past 40). Keep on keeping on and may God bless you and your
work!!!

Beverly L.
Senior Accountant



+++

Dear Howdy,

I just renewed my subscription - somehow my old
one was interrupted. Your new format makes great
reading and the cartoons are forwarded to those in
need of a smile.

Ghislaine Miller

+++

Dear Howdy,

I used to read your jokes, etc on my work email,
but had to unsubsribe due to leaving the company.
I now have a new email address and would be
honoured if you place me on your mailing list.

Cheers
Mark (Australia)



+++

Dear Howdy,

Can you imagine standing beside the banks of the Jordan River? This is
one of the most dramatic moments in the whole of Scripture. For a brief
moment observers behold the three Persons of the Trinity. Jesus was
baptized; God the Father speaks; the Holy Spirit descends. The Trinity
is not a doctrine invented in some abstract mind in a far-away monastery.
The doctrine of the Trinity is formed, among other reasons, because events
like this happen in the Scripture. In the earthy Jordon River, the
forever righteous God reveals himself as God in Three Persons,
Blessed Trinity.

Dale Fincher

+++

Hello Howdy,
I work at a mental health institute as a Recreation Specialist, (basically
an activities director) and I find laughter is the best medicine with our
clients! Will you please subscribe me to your free newsletter to share
with our older folks? Often they do not have the means/opportunity to
find or seek out humorous material to lighten their selves up. This would
help me to help them. Of course I’m not implying that I won’t use it for
personal use as well!!

Thank you,
Andrea S. BA, Rec. Spec.
Nova Southeastern University Geriatric Institute
Lauderdale Lakes, FL.





Please note that our policy allows for us to receive threats
on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...


===============






The world's oldest continuously incorporated company is Canada's
Hudson's Bay Company, which was founded in 1670. The company also
became the largest corporate landowner with holdings that at one time
included about one third of present-day Canada.

During its first two centuries of existence, the Hudson's Bay Company
mainly pursued the fur trade, exploration, and settlement of Canada's
northern reaches. One of its greatest exploration projects was the
unsuccessful attempt to find the fabled "northwest passage" to eastern Asia.

Today, Hudson's Bay Company operates the largest chain of department
stores in Canada. It was split into several companies in 1930, so
today's Hudson Bay Company is considerably smaller than its
illustrious ancestor.

Professor Howdy said...



Just What Is
'Thought & Humor'

Anyway???

Watch Video:



Click Here






Read what you have time for below
& save the residuum for a stormy/
blustery/dilatory interval while
the charming/exquisite/vernal/
aestival season is bursting out all
over. Our goal is to promote a non-
threatening and productive office
& university environment and to
establish language that is gender-
neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-
neutral while celebrating our spirit
of diversity.



===============


All of us, at one time or another, have experienced
the strange physiological reaction of zygomatic
stimulation and subsequent larynx strain.

This strain upsets the respiratory system, which
results in deep, noisy gasps. The mouth opens
and closes as the lungs struggle for oxygen.

The struggle for oxygen causes the face to turn
various shades of red and strange, unique noises
emerge from deep within. What is this strange,
physiological reaction I am describing? It is laughter!

We normally associate laughter with humor. But,
gelotology, the study of laughter, suggests another
trigger for laughter called the incongruity theory.

This theory suggests that laughter arises when logic
and familiarity are replaced by things that don't normally
go together--when we expect one outcome and another
happens. Generally speaking, our minds and bodies
anticipate what's going to happen and how it's going
to end based on logical thought, emotion, and our past
experience. But, when circumstances go in unexpected
directions, our thoughts and emotions suddenly have
to switch gears and laughter emerges out of the tension
between what we expect--and what actually happens.
- - Margaret Manning

===============




***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
ahead for your divertissement!?!




===============




Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
'Thought & Humor'
has arrived after winding its
way through the Internet’s highways and byways to your
idiosyncratic computer.

We welcome all our great readers to another unique
blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
daily entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic
but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....



===============



*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.



===============

Why Am I Here:


Click Here



===============



'Thought & Humor'
has been read in all 50 States,
all 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge,
every Ivy League School & all major American
Universities including UNC!!!



===============




The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not
crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,
converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it
out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why
this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin
responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word.
they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or
reluctantly." - Joe Boot


===============






To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED HIM.




===============




Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues,
friends, and family, and let them know they can
subscribe by sending an e-mail to:

harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com


===============



Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:
harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
(Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject).
(Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)

You may subscribe ANY friend/family you wish to beguile/regale.
They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future.
(You may remain anonymous if you wish.)


===============


The Voice of the Shepherd


At a recent exhibit of the Dead Sea Scrolls a visitor remarked of the tour,
"Just to look at it makes chills run down my spine. This Bible through the
ages still says the same thing."

Found in 1947 in several caves near the Dead Sea in Qumran, the Dead Sea
Scrolls, which include over six hundred scrolls and thousands of
fragments, contain portions or entire sections of every Old Testament book
except Esther. The discovery, which was made accidentally by a young boy
herding sheep, revealed the oldest copies of the Hebrew Scriptures
hitherto known to be in existence. For those who read them first, it must
have indeed been stirring, as this observer notes even years later, to see
the remarkable precision between the scrolls of Qumran and the text of
their own Bibles. To many the Dead Sea Scrolls are one more sign of the
care and detail with which God and God's Word have moved throughout
history.

In fact, before Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1438,
there were only 30,000 books throughout all of Europe. Nearly all of
these works were Bibles or biblical commentary recorded meticulously at
the hands of monks with pen and ink. Even a small book took months to
complete, and a book the size of the Bible required several years to
produce. Fittingly, the first book printed on Gutenberg's press,
completed in 1455, was the Bible itself. Today it remains the most
printed and best selling book of all time. In the words of the prophet
Isaiah, quoted again centuries later by the apostle Peter, "All men are
like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the
grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands
forever" (1 Peter 1:24-26). God's voice is indeed among us, crying out to
all who will hear.

To a crowd of people, some willing, others unwilling to listen, Jesus once
proclaimed: "The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.
The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He
calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out
all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they
know his voice" (John 10:2-4). In this description of sheep and shepherd,
Jesus conveys the startling idea of self-disclosure and the compulsion of
recognition. As with any voice we recognize, it is much more than
acknowledging a string of inanimate, though recognizable sounds. We
recognize a person beyond the sounds, one who has chosen to speak in our
own language so that we might understand and in turn respond. How much
more so this is true of the shepherd's voice. In word, in revelation, in
covenant and relationship, the Father makes Himself known to us, the voice
of the Son leading us further into the care and presence of the Father.
Like a shepherd calling out to his sheep, God's word goes forth, leading
all who will listen, compelling into action those who recognize the voice
of one worth following. But more than this, the shepherd's voice is one
that moves us because it is our own names we hear called out.

In July of 2004, the people of Ranonga, a small, remote island in the
Solomon Islands, read the words of Christ for the first time in their own
language. The arrival of the New Testament in Lungga, the local language,
followed more than 20 years of fundraising efforts by the local people.
When the finished copies were finally available, a local pastor declared,
"Today God has arrived in Ranonga. He has arrived in our own culture and
is speaking to us in our own language."(2) Praise be to the God who
speaks, whose Word is living and active, and to Christ, the Word himself,
who comes to us like a shepherd and whose voice leads us home. This voice
continues to move throughout history, bringing light and life, bidding us
near, calling us by name, standing forever.

Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias
International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.




===============


Click Here
Click Here


Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?

http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html

Click Here
Click Here


===============





Your very own library


Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')


===============



Dr. Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


===============

If you stop believing what your professor told you had to be true
and if you start thinking for yourself you may come to some
conclusions you hadn't expected. You may find the Bible makes
more sense than you thought or were told to think. Allow yourself
to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you always thought could
be true. Can you believe what you don't understand? You and I
believe everyday what we don't understand unless it comes to
the issue of salvation. - - - Dr. Woodrow Kroll


===============


There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the
Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was
constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be-
tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history,
a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging.
It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned.
- - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist


===============



In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued this ruling, "By our form
of government, the Christian religion is the established religion,
and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on
equal footing." Some 57 years later, after Congress was
petitioned to separate Christian principles from government,
in 1853 the House Judiciary Committee issued their formal
report, including these words: "In this age there is no substitute
for Christianity. This was the religion of the founders of the republic,
and they expected it to be the religion of their dependents. The
great vital, conservative elements in our system is the belief of
our people in the pure doctrines and divine truths of the gospel
of Jesus Christ." - - - Dr. Gerald Beavan


===============



"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own
their dependence upon the overruling power of God
and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the
Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those
nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord."
-- President Abraham Lincoln

===============



Trust in yourself and you are doomed to disappointment;
trust in money and you may have it taken from you;
but trust in God, and you are never to be confounded in
time or eternity. - D.L. Moody


===============



Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds.
Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with their hand on the door latch
they die outside. GK Chesterton


===============



Address Change

Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this electrifying autumn season
should your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
change. Subscribe your new address:


harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
and Howdy...



===============



Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor'
and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.




===============






"How to Be Sure You're
a REAL Christian"

1-888-NEED-HIM


(24/7 - free call)


===============



Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
Big Problems???
Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
Want to get REAL help???
(FREE - English/Spanish)

1-800-633-3446


Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============



I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying
the really foolish thing that people often say
about Him [Jesus Christ]: "I'm ready to accept
Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't
accept His claim to be God."

That is the one thing we must not say. A man
who was merely a man and said the sort of
things Jesus said would not be a great moral
teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on a
level with a man who says he is a poached
egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice. Either this Man
was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman
or something worse ....

You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit
at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can
fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God.
But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great human
teacher. He has not left that option open
to us. He did not intend to.


-- From C.S. Lewis
(Author of The Chronicles of Narnia)


===============




"Let every student be plainly instructed
and earnestly pressed to consider well
the main end of his life and studies is
to know God and Jesus Christ which is
eternal life (John 17:3)."

The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643


"All scholars shall live religious, godly,
and blameless lives according to the rules
of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy
Scriptures, the fountain of light and truth;
and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret."

Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter


===============



Muhammad or Jesus???


Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============






Why The U.S.A. Is At War:

Click Here
Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============






AMERICA ARCHIVED


Click Here

This government site offers access to historic documents.
View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.



===============



'Thought & Humor'
- often polemical but
never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.


===============



Examining Our Laughter

“Laughter,” writes my colleague, Mark Eckel, “is an indication
of ethics. Watching a Jay Leno monologue,” he continues,
“forces us to laugh at the ethical lapses in peoples’ attitudes
and actions.” But, he suggests, we need to monitor our laughter.
There may just be, in his words, “a guide for Christians to explain
when laughter is ethically appropriate and when it is not.”

Everyone who has attended a movie theater has probably had the
experience of listening to a part of the audience laugh at incidents
in the movie which are not funny, things like violence to a particular
individual or cruelty to an animal. Such laughter leaves one chilled.
And it is an indication of our society that such laughter is growing
more frequent. But, before we look to the culture at large, it is much
more important to analyze ruthlessly just what we are laughing at,
particularly on television and in our private conversations with our
friends.

Eckel, quoted earlier, compares the potential difference in our
laughter at two television sitcoms: The Simpsons, a much-written
about sitcom among Christians because of its witty but ironic
portrayal of, in Eckel’s words, “the dark side of human nature,”
and Will and Grace, a program that seeks to make the homosexual
lifestyle and all sexually active characters benign and, therefore,
acceptable. In The Simpsons, Eckel notes, “the inconsistencies
and hypocrisies of all groups and individuals in American culture
are pointed out… using sardonic wit… to mirror shortcomings,
creating a climate for change” through the viewer’s “distress
and unease [at] seeing wrongdoing in both attitude and action.”
In contrast, Will and Grace promotes the acceptance of its characters
and their lifestyles through “self-deprecating” laughter that “cuts
off the rough edges and softens [the viewer’s] attitudes” by making
the characters endearing and “excluding the consequences of [their]
behavior.”

This is very wise analysis, one we must take seriously. T. S. Eliot
said long ago that what entertains us, what we laugh at, may just
affect us more than what we study or labor over because our spirits
and minds are relaxed and receptive. We have turned our mental
security systems off and what amuses may seem somehow too trivial
to harm us. There is no part of our lives that does not, however, belong
to God. We must never bypass our intellects or suspend our critical thinking
ability even in our laughter. Laughter has the power, as in The Simpsons,
to be a cultural commentary that brings understanding and conviction,
and it has the power, as in Will and Grace, to seduce and soothe one into
indifference to dangerous secular trends.

The question is crucial: What are we laughing at and why?

- Dr.Rosalie de Rosset


===============



Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......






===============





Who is Jesus?

Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============




"Not being on the air, that's not important.
But I'd like to be in the newsroom helping
set the agenda."

Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda -
Prof Howdy}




===============



The Bible claims to be the Word
of the only true God. In addition
to historical, archaeological, and
scientific proofs, there are numerous
internal proofs. No such evidences
exist for other "sacred writings."

The Bible was written during 1,600
years by 40 prophets, most of
whom lived in diverse cultures,
at different times in history, yet
who never contradict but comple -
ment each other. For the Qur'an,
Muslims must take the word of
Muhammad, just as the Book
of Mormon rests solely upon
Joseph Smith's word. But every
biblical prophet is confirmed
by 39 other prophets.

- - Dave Hunt




===============



God designed humans to want to believe in something.
That's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.
Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God
of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe
in everything -- including Little Green Men.

- - Chuck Colson


===============



Dear Professor Howdy,

Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate
for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...
it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we
all need...please keep up the great works!!!

Type atcha later...

God bless you,

Phil H
WI


===============



Dear Dr. Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**


SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have
seen. The best to you.

S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.


===============


Recommended by Prof Howdy for improving your life:


Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here



{Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}

===============





Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':

Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???

Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administration, Married
Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
Cindy - 40's - FL - Married - Ministry Administrator
David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married
Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author
Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
Rob - 20's - NY - University Administration, Married
Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design
Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country
Bill J. - 60's - Fed. Government Employee
Bill R. - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System
Bill T. - 50's - MN - College Professor
Bob - 80's - FL - Semi - Retired Military Chaplan/Minister - D.D.
Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, Elementary School Teacher - H.B. July 22
Cindy - 40's - NC - 501(c)(3) Administrator - Married
Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
Ellen - 20's - NJ - Registered Nurse - Married
Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
Judith - 60's - TX - Retired Teacher
Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student - H.B. July 28
Lee - 20's - GA - College Student
Les - 40's - Australia - Pilot
Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
Mamie - 30's - GA - Elementary Teacher
Patricia - 20's - MX - Entrepreneur, Politician
Phil - 50's WI - Disabled
Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married
Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
Tom - 40's - Middle East - Missionary
Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
Teresa - 30's - NC - Mother
Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country

Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.


===============




Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...


Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a child my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)


===============

Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.

Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Prof Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============



Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes, pictures, cartoons & general content published
in this list were either submitted directly to 'Thought & Humor'
or as, we believe, in the public domain. If you think that we
have published any posting (including videos) on our award
winning blog without giving proper credit to its author/owner, please
let us know and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

And this Good News about the Kingdom will be
preached through all the world for a witness to
all people; and then the end will come. Mat 24:14






===============



Four Important Things To KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews,
Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians,
Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist,
French, etc.) have sinned & fall
short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1)
are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation
from God, & damnation) but the Gift
(free & at no charge to you) of God
(Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through
(in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of the
Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly
prized the world (Americans, Muslims,
Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans,
Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons,
Methodist, French, etc.) that
He even gave up His only begotten
(unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living)
believes (trust in, relies on, clings to,
depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH,
& THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American,
Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist,
Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French,
etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with
GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -

(Rev. 3:20)


{Please note that church membership,
baptism, doing good things, etc. are not
requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad
is the road that leads to destruction
(Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small
is the gate and narrow the road that
leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it.




Write me sometime:

howdythoughthumor {at} gmail [dot] com

(No spaces or punctuation except
for one dot.)


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?


http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html

Click Here


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The E-Mail Newspaper containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor'
is one small attempt to obey The Great Com-
mission.
First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u) _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Buffalosjokes, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease, Crosswalk.com,
CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


'Thought & Humor'
respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Here's some blogs that I found
of interest
as I negotiated my way
through cyberspace:



Every Student
Religion Comparison
Around the Well
Danish Cartoons
Arabic Cartoons
Muhammad or Jesus???
Answering Islam
Is Jesus God?
A Short Look At Six World Religions
God's Word in different languages...
How to become a Christian
Who Is Jesus?
See The Word
Watch The Jesus Movie
Spanish Cartoons
German Cartoons
Chinese Cartoons
Italian Cartoons
Greek Cartoons
Japanese Cartoons
Portuguese Cartoons
French Cartoons
Hindi Cartoons
Russian Cartoons


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


P U R P O S E of 'Thought & Humor':

But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts

O God, You have taught me from my
youth; And to this day I declare
Your wondrous works. Now also when
I am old and gray headed, O God,
do not forsake me, Until I declare
Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
Ps 71

ron H said...

My outreach trips to South Africa have been with some wonderful ministry
experiences. We saw African young people coming to Christ. We had the
privilege of training South African youth workers to reach lost young
people. And we're even training people to reach the lost and the young
through radio. One afternoon we were able to sneak away long enough to visit
one of the gold mines that helped make South Africa the richest country on
that continent. Years ago this was the largest and richest gold mine in the
world. Today, an old miner take guys like me, puts a helmet on them, gives
them a light, and takes them on tours. It was fascinating to hear him
describe how gold was uncovered and then extracted from deep inside the
earth. At one point, he asked us to shine our light on one wall of the mine,
and it sparkled with this bright, yellow gold! It was amazing - beautiful!
The old miner told us, "Don't get too excited." He said, "Real gold is
black. It doesn't even look like gold. That stuff that glitters, well,
that's just fool's gold.

It's "values clarification time," with the help of our word for today from
the Word of God. 1 Timothy 6:8, "If we have food and clothing, we will be
content with that. People who want to get rich (that's the people who go
after the stuff that glitters) fall into temptation and a trap and into many
foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For
the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for
money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many
griefs."

It's so easy to buy the values of a world that measures worth by success, by
how much of the glittery stuff you have - to spend major life-energy going
after more house, more car, more wardrobe, more position, more prestige.
It's gold - but it's fool's gold. Notice the words God uses to describe the
pursuit of more: a trap, foolish desires, harmful desires, ruin and
destruction, wandering from the faith, grief. The foolishness of all this is
summed up in two words God uses to describe security that is based on
earth-stuff "so uncertain." That's what He calls it in 1 Timothy 6:17.

So God reveals the scam - what looks so valuable is so worthless, and the
spiritual riches that may look so worthless are so valuable. Like fool's
gold and real gold. The chapter goes on to describe the real gold. "But you,
man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith,
love, endurance and gentleness." Don't look for those on the Dow-Jones, but
they are so much more precious than anything you'll find there and certainly
a lot more lasting.

God says when you live your life to give instead of get, you will be one of
those who "lay up treasures for themselves as a firm foundation for the
coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life" (1
Timothy 6:19) or the gold that is really gold.

Take a moment for a priority check - not about what you believe, but about
how you're spending your life. Honestly now, is most of the best of your
life tied up in going after fool's gold? Do you even have much energy, much
time, much resource left to pursue the gold of what will last for eternity
like getting to know Jesus better, getting people to heaven with you,
showing Jesus' love to people who really need it, absorbing God's Word?
It's time to live for what will last.

With whatever years you have left, go where the real gold is. The stuff that
glitters is what most of the people around you are going for. But remember,
it's just fool's gold.


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Professor Howdy said...

Recently, a rash of fundamentalist atheists has become a publishing
phenomenon. Touting that God is a delusion destructive to human life and
civilization, and heralding the end of faith, these authors see only
positive results at the end of atheism. Reason and rationality will
conquer any "zealous" adherence or devotion to a transcendent God.

It's fairly easy to identify with the concerns that motivate these authors
towards atheism. Like them, I grieve over the violence perpetrated in the
world in the name of God and religion. I can understand how Mother Teresa
would poignantly wonder about God's presence with her in the suffering
wasteland of Calcutta. And certainly, I, like many others, have had life
experiences that raise questions concerning God's involvement in my life,
and God's love toward me. I can understand the despair-filled temptation
towards agnosticism, or even atheism.

Yet, the world many atheists envision without God or faith is overly
optimistic, and ultimately unrealistic. Their beautiful portraits of what
the world could look like if we only jettison our faith are painted with
glowing brushstrokes of romantic imagery and language:

"This universe is shot through with mystery. The very fact of
its being, and of our own, is a mystery absolute, and the only miracle
worthy of the name. The consciousness that animates us is itself central
to this mystery and the ground for any experience we might wish to call
'spiritual....' No personal God need be worshiped for us to live in awe at
the beauty and immensity of creation....love our neighbors, and [know that]
our interdependence demands that people everywhere be given the opportunity
to flourish."(1)
I find this vision completely out of step with a world in which innocent
civilians, even as I write this essay today, are being silenced and
slaughtered by the thousands. Indeed, in light of the state of our world,
an optimistic ending for atheism is as out-of-touch with reality as belief
that the world is flat.

In fact, this vision of a godless world being a better world is shattered
by the writings of the prescient prophet and atheist, Friedrich Nietzsche.
Nietzsche, the German philosopher who wrote in the nineteenth century,
predicted what an atheistic society would look like. And unlike the
pseudo-optimism of our popular atheists today, Nietzsche's vision is
harrowing and disturbing. "The story I have to tell," he wrote, "is the
history of the next two centuries.... For a long time now our whole
civilization has been driving, with a tortured intensity growing from
decade to decade, as if towards a catastrophe: restlessly, violently,
tempestuously, like a mighty river desiring the end of its journey,
without pausing to reflect, indeed fearful of reflection." He claimed
that the world was entering an "era of monstrous wars, upheavals,
explosions and that there will be wars such as have never been waged on
the earth."(2)

Why such pessimism about the future of the world? Nietzsche argued that
the actions of human beings had rendered God superfluous. In The Gay
Science his madman yells, "'Where is God?' Well, I will tell you. We
have killed him, you and I." He goes on to doubt if even reason and the
advance of theoretical knowledge, as our modern-day atheists posit, could
heal the "wound of our existence." Indeed, science, reason, and history
could not overcome the reality that human beings "can rise or sink to no
other reality than the reality of our drives." One of those drives,
Nietzsche argued, is the will to power, ultimately fulfilled by rogue
regimes in World War I, and in World War II by the Nazi regime and the
Communist regime led by Joseph Stalin.

Thus, Nietzsche's utter suspicion of reason calls the entire optimistic
program advocated by popular atheists into question. God's absence would
not make for a better world, according to Nietzsche. Indeed, his picture
of a world without God, without a divine Creator intimately involved in
re-creation, is a very grim place filled with darkness, amorality, and
despair.

In contrast to the godless future predicted by Nietzsche or our current
atheistic prophets, the prophet Isaiah, even in the midst of warnings of
exile, destruction, and suffering had a hope-filled vision of a world
permeated with the presence of God: "The wolf will dwell with the lamb,
and the leopard will lie down with the kid, the calf and the young lion
and the fatling together; and a little child will lead them... they will
not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of
the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea" (Isaiah 11:6, 9).
This vision of a God-filled future is what Christians should hope for and
work towards, even as we wrestle with the challenges and the difficulties
of a God-famished world.

Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International
Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

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