I'd love to but...
*The man on television told me to stay tuned.
*It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
*I'm building a real 777 from a kit.
*I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
*I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
*I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
*I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
*I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
*My plot to take over the world is thickening.
*I have to fulfill my potential.
*It's too close to the turn of the century.
*I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
*I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
*I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
*I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
*I'm trying to be less popular.
*I have to study for a blood test.
*I have to rotate my crops.
*I prefer to remain an enigma.
*I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
*I can't find my mask!
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
ReplyDelete*************************
1) high-muck-a-muck hii muk a muk (noun)
: somebody in a position of importance and authority who
behaves in an overbearing way
Mid-19th century. Origin uncertain: probably by folk
etymology from Chinook jargon hiyu muck-amuck, literally
"ten portions of choice whalemeat," by association with
high.
Nobody liked the boss because he acted like such a high-
muck-a-muck.
2) gramarye grammeree (noun)
: magic and enchantment (archaic)
Fourteenth century. From Anglo-Norman gramarie "Latin
grammar," a variant of Old French gramaire.
The children were amazed by the gramarye of the circus.
Q: Why couldn't the pony talk???
ReplyDeleteA: Because he was a little horse!!!
NEW DEFINITIONS:
ReplyDelete*Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray'-ter\ : A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
*Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl' \ : What a bullfighter tries to do
*Baloney \buh-lo'-nee' \ : Where some hemlines fall
*Bernadette \burn'-a-det' \ : The act of torching a mortgage
*Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize' \ : What a crook sees with
*Control \kon'-trol\ : A short, ugly inmate
*Counterfeiters \kown'-ter-fit'-ers\ : Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
*Eclipse \ee-klips' \ : What a Cockney barber does for a living
*Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\ : A clumsy ophthalmologist
*Heroes \hee-rhos' \ : What a guy in a boat does
*Left Bank \left' bangk' \ : What the robber did when his bag was full of loot
*Misty \mis-tee' \ : How golfers create divots
*Paradox \par'-u-doks' \ : Two physicians
*Parasites \par'-ih-sites' \: What you see from the top of the EiffelTower
*Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist \ : A helper on the farm
*Polarize \po'-lur-ize' \ : What penguins see with
*Primate \pri'-mate' \ : Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
*Relief \ree-leef' \ : What trees do in the spring
*Selfish \sel'-fish' \ : What the owner of a seafood store does
*Subdued \sub-dood' \ : Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
*Sudafed \sood'-a-fed' \ : Brought litigation against a government official
===============
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is
formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the
work of God, the Maker of all things. --Ecclesiastes 11
The Hayloft
ReplyDeleteThrough all the pleasant meadow-side
The grass grew shoulder-high,
Till the shining scythes went far and wide
And cut it down to dry.
Those green and sweetly smelling crops
They led the wagons home;
And they piled them here in mountain tops
For mountaineers to roam.
Here is Mount Clear, Mount Rusty-Nail,
Mount Eagle and Mount High;--
The mice that in these mountains dwell,
No happier are than I!
Oh, what a joy to clamber there,
Oh, what a place for play,
With the sweet, the dim, the dusty air,
The happy hills of hay!
~Robert Louis Stevenson
The opening of a new store in town usually creates a buzz. Something
ReplyDeletelike one of those major discount stores, for example, or that mecca
do-it-yourself place, Home Depot - which stirred things up when it opened
in our community for sure. This is not a commercial for them, just an
observation. Some observers say that Home Depot's comprehensive inventory
and competitive prices have actually helped interest a whole new wave of
people in doing their own home improvements. It's meant to be sort of
one-stop shopping for everything you need to build your home.
If only building or improving a home was just a matter of plywood,
sheet rock, and tile. That will take care of a place called home, but not
necessarily the people who are really what home is. Building a marriage,
building your children - that's far more challenging. And you can't just go
to a store to pick up the materials you need to be the right kind of mom or
dad, to be what your wife need, what your husband needs.
And there's nothing like trying to make a family work to make you
face the things that need work inside you; inside your personality, your
heart, your soul. Living in the intensity of a family really exposes the
baggage that you're carrying from your past, your weaknesses, your
selfishness, your dark side. There's this person we want to be that our
family really needs for us to be. Then there's this person we really are,
and we just don't know how to get from who we are to who we need to be.
The ugly stuff in us is now marking another generation and hurting the very
people we love the most. If we could change, we would have changed by now.
But there is a place you can go to find everything you need to build
your home; to someone whose spiritual resources have transformed millions
of people for thousands of years. Our word for today from the Word of God
spells out concisely but clearly the secret of a home that works. In Psalm
127:1, the inventor of the family says: "Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain." The simple truth is: you need the Lord to make
you what your family needs you to be. Because the darkness inside us is a
cancer we can't cure; the "disease of me" that no one on earth can cure.
God calls it "sin," and the Bible makes it clear that the cancer is incurable.
It's terminal. It says, "Sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death"
(James 1:15). That death has included the death of many marriages
and parent relationships over the years.
We're like a drowning person or a person trapped in the rubble of an
earthquake. Our only hope is a rescue. And because God loves you so much,
He launched a rescue mission for you and for me on a skull-shaped hill outside
Jerusalem called Golgotha. The Bible says, "He loves us and has freed us
from our sins by His blood" (Revelation 1:6). Your new beginning starts when
you, in your heart, find your way to the cross of Jesus to claim His
forgiveness for every wrong thing, every hurting thing you've ever done. He
died to forgive you, and then He rose from the dead to prove He has the
power to conquer anything including the darkness inside you. In the Bible's
words, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation"! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
You begin this transforming relationship with Jesus Christ the
moment you claim what He did on the cross for yourself personally - when
you tell Him with all your heart, "I'm totally yours, Jesus, from this moment
on." That new beginning could be today for you. If you're ready to belong to
this one who has more love for you, more power to help you change than
anyone there is, I hope you'll let me send you my booklet about beginning
with Jesus called Yours For Life. Just let me know you want it.
The greatest gift you can give the people you love is for you to
give yourself to Jesus. He alone can give you everything you need to build
your home. Ron Hutchcraft
If you're not sure you belong to Jesus,
and you would like to make sure
today, click here: http://www.yoursforlife.net/
Listen with RealAudio!
http://xrl.us/djxu
To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:
awordwithyou-subscribe@hutchcraft.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, please call:
1-888-NEED HIM.
Recommended by Howdy for improving your worldview:
ReplyDeleteClick Here
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/evangelical_viewpoint/
*Letters From The Past*
ReplyDeleteIf you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:
Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!
Dear Howdy,
I don't know how my email address got on your list, but I have
immensly enjoyed every email I have received from you since.
The riddles are fun, the humor is great, and the controversial
topics are enlightening. My friends all enjoy reading these
emails with me. Thank you so much for all your hard work
in making "Thoughts and Humor" the one email I look forward
to receiving every day.
Anonymous,
University of Missouri - Rolla
+++
Dear Howdy,
Check this out BEFORE election Day!!!
http://kerrylied.com/otherdocs/flash.htm
Sincerely,
Brenda S.
+++
Howdy,
I have to admit how much I love your humorous and challenging
newsletter. At first I did not believe "Thoughts and Humor" would
be of any interest to me, but I do enjoy the links to the politically
concerned web sites, which voice their sometimes useless opinions. ;-)
I also find the riddles and jokes to witty and comical. Hey at least
you're are not making a mockery of Florida State University. Thanks
for giving me something to look forward to during my time of tanning
and partying. XOXO
Elizabeth
Florida State University
+++
Dear Howdy,
Your are the Masked Mystery Person....Who are you,
where do you come from, and why are you so silly?
Love your articles, keep em' coming!
xo Anita xo
+++
Dear Howdy,
Whenever someone is doing a good work, there will be opposition.
There was opposition to Jesus' message when he walked the earth.
In fact, his ministry started with the Devil personally taking an interest.
He tried to tempt Him to sin. Satan failed but he also never gave up. He
thought he had won when Christ was crucified but that death was our
victory. Keep up the good work as long as God leads you to continue.
Following God's will for your life is the important thing you can do;
not what other people say about you or to you. In Him, you can be
strong.
Inalie Painter
+++
Hi Howdy,
I learned it as
"Little Miss Etticoat,
In her white petticoat --
Shorter and shorter she grows!
Oh how she suffers
While we with our snuffers
Are nipping her little red nose."
We sang it in first grade in 1939 -- 1940, and I didn't have
a clue about what it meant. Years later I learned that it
referred to a candle. But in 1939, nobody used candles
except on birthdays, and I'd never heard of snuffers.
The "Etticoat" part is still a mystery.
Harry Akers
+++
Dear Howdy,
One of your subscribers recommended your list on the our-kids
(a forum for families with children with disabilities) listserv.
I am in Island County, WA.
M.D.
+++
Dear Howdy,
Want to see a video of "girlie men"?
http://xrl.us/dkcs
A.S.
+++
Dear Howdy,
In a stunning October surprise, the Kerry-Edwards campaign has given
Dan Rather some documents signed by Noah, which prove that Ezekial
Bush, an ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the oil industry),
was responsible for the 40 days and nights of rain which resulted in the
Great Flood. The documents also show that Ararat Arks, a subsidiary of
Halliburton, made excessive profits by building Noah's Ark on a no-bid
contract. Because of these excess profits, the ark was built too small so
the last two dragons, unicorns, and patriotic liberals, were left behind to
drown.
Dan Rather admitted that while the documents may be forgeries the facts
aren't as important as the intent. Enraged environmentalists across the
country have parked their Volvos and gone on hunger strikes, vowing to eat
only Camembert cheese and tofu until John F. Kerry (who was awarded three
Purple Hearts in Viet Nam) is elected President.
CNN (the Clinton News Network) also ran a story showing that the Titanic
and the Hindenburg had both been manufactured by subsidiaries of Halliburton.
John Edwards immediately took time off from the campaign trail to file a
class-action lawsuit against Halliburton, Dick Cheney, the city of Elmhurst,
and all icebergs in the North Atlantic. Jesse Jackson was heard to react by
saying "Their boat didn't float, and their blimp went limp."
Michael Moore is producing a mockumentary showing that because of close
family ties to Emperor Hirohito, George H. W. Bush had been personally
informed in advance that Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, t! hus
giving him time to get the family yacht, named "Obscene Oil Profits", out of
the harbor before the bombing began. Howard Dean's voice is being used
to dub in the screams during the attack scenes in the movie.
The Ninth Circus Court in California has just ruled that since citizenship
status is not a constitutionally valid criteria for eligibility to vote,
illegal aliens are to be allowed to vote one time for each different Social
Security card that they have, provided that the addresses are different.
They excepted families in which the parents and children all have the same
last name as being too Americanized to be allowed this special non-citizen
privilege. Senator Hillary Clinton immediately clarified that the ruling
only applies to illegal aliens who are on welfare, and who vote for John F.
Kerry (who was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam).
Jimmy Carter announced that since only fraudulent voting practices could
possibly elect George Bush (who has friends in the oil industry), he will
invite France, North Korea, and Iran to oversee the nationwide vote re-count
if John F. Kerry (who was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam) is not
elected.
Ralph Nader was allegedly seen last night wandering the streets of downtown
Biloxi muttering "What about me? What about me? What about me?"
Peter Jennings announced today that he has DNA evidence that Pontius
Pilate was a direct ancestor of George W. Bush (who has friends in the
oil industry). He also has papers showing that Dick Cheney still receives
an annuity from the company that manufactured the nails used in the
Crucifixion. John Kerry told a cheering crowd of morons that he had
a plan to prevent future crucifixions of saviors, but that his plan was a secret.
The anti-business wing of the democratic party praised his secret plan in
the hopes that he would increase taxes on nail companies until th! ey move
to China.
And last but not least, MoveOn.org has a story on its website which claims
that the Republican Party, guided over the centuries by ancestors of Barry
Goldwater and Ronald Reagan, is in reality a secret society which has been
working to undermine world equality by planning and creating the Great
Plague, World War One, the Depression, the Holocaust, World War Two,
the Korean War, the Vietnam War (in case you didn't know, John F. Kerry
was awarded three Purple Hearts in Viet Nam), 9-11, the death of Lacy Peterson,
Michael Jackson's face, AIDS, and the pending implosion of Social Security.
Spontaneous demonstrations are planned for the weekend preceding the
election. Charles Rangel and Nancy Pelosi have called for an independent
investigation to be completed by Al Gore as soon as he gets back on his
medications.
Sincerely,
Robert B. & Pattie P.
+++
Howdy,
I was wondering if you could send me some of your
"though and humor." My mom gets it and I always read
it and crack up. So, if you wouldn't mind sending it to me,
that would be great!
~gina~
P.S. I'm a sophomore (15) and I live in the boonies of MAINE!!
yeah, it's great:)
+++
Dear Howdy,
Yes, I am still receiving the issues and still love the content. It
would be really helpful if you would put the answers to the questions
closer (as in the riddles). By the time I finally make it to the end to
see if I have the right answers, I forgot the question (old age I
guess-past 40). Keep on keeping on and may God bless you and your
work!!!
Beverly L.
Senior Accountant
+++
Dear Howdy,
I just renewed my subscription - somehow my old
one was interrupted. Your new format makes great
reading and the cartoons are forwarded to those in
need of a smile.
Ghislaine Miller
+++
Dear Howdy,
I used to read your jokes, etc on my work email,
but had to unsubsribe due to leaving the company.
I now have a new email address and would be
honoured if you place me on your mailing list.
Cheers
Mark (Australia)
+++
Dear Howdy,
Can you imagine standing beside the banks of the Jordan River? This is
one of the most dramatic moments in the whole of Scripture. For a brief
moment observers behold the three Persons of the Trinity. Jesus was
baptized; God the Father speaks; the Holy Spirit descends. The Trinity
is not a doctrine invented in some abstract mind in a far-away monastery.
The doctrine of the Trinity is formed, among other reasons, because events
like this happen in the Scripture. In the earthy Jordon River, the
forever righteous God reveals himself as God in Three Persons,
Blessed Trinity.
Dale Fincher
+++
Hello Howdy,
I work at a mental health institute as a Recreation Specialist, (basically
an activities director) and I find laughter is the best medicine with our
clients! Will you please subscribe me to your free newsletter to share
with our older folks? Often they do not have the means/opportunity to
find or seek out humorous material to lighten their selves up. This would
help me to help them. Of course I’m not implying that I won’t use it for
personal use as well!!
Thank you,
Andrea S. BA, Rec. Spec.
Nova Southeastern University Geriatric Institute
Lauderdale Lakes, FL.
Please note that our policy allows for us to receive threats
on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...
===============
The world's oldest continuously incorporated company is Canada's
Hudson's Bay Company, which was founded in 1670. The company also
became the largest corporate landowner with holdings that at one time
included about one third of present-day Canada.
During its first two centuries of existence, the Hudson's Bay Company
mainly pursued the fur trade, exploration, and settlement of Canada's
northern reaches. One of its greatest exploration projects was the
unsuccessful attempt to find the fabled "northwest passage" to eastern Asia.
Today, Hudson's Bay Company operates the largest chain of department
stores in Canada. It was split into several companies in 1930, so
today's Hudson Bay Company is considerably smaller than its
illustrious ancestor.
My outreach trips to South Africa have been with some wonderful ministry
ReplyDeleteexperiences. We saw African young people coming to Christ. We had the
privilege of training South African youth workers to reach lost young
people. And we're even training people to reach the lost and the young
through radio. One afternoon we were able to sneak away long enough to visit
one of the gold mines that helped make South Africa the richest country on
that continent. Years ago this was the largest and richest gold mine in the
world. Today, an old miner take guys like me, puts a helmet on them, gives
them a light, and takes them on tours. It was fascinating to hear him
describe how gold was uncovered and then extracted from deep inside the
earth. At one point, he asked us to shine our light on one wall of the mine,
and it sparkled with this bright, yellow gold! It was amazing - beautiful!
The old miner told us, "Don't get too excited." He said, "Real gold is
black. It doesn't even look like gold. That stuff that glitters, well,
that's just fool's gold.
It's "values clarification time," with the help of our word for today from
the Word of God. 1 Timothy 6:8, "If we have food and clothing, we will be
content with that. People who want to get rich (that's the people who go
after the stuff that glitters) fall into temptation and a trap and into many
foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For
the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for
money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many
griefs."
It's so easy to buy the values of a world that measures worth by success, by
how much of the glittery stuff you have - to spend major life-energy going
after more house, more car, more wardrobe, more position, more prestige.
It's gold - but it's fool's gold. Notice the words God uses to describe the
pursuit of more: a trap, foolish desires, harmful desires, ruin and
destruction, wandering from the faith, grief. The foolishness of all this is
summed up in two words God uses to describe security that is based on
earth-stuff "so uncertain." That's what He calls it in 1 Timothy 6:17.
So God reveals the scam - what looks so valuable is so worthless, and the
spiritual riches that may look so worthless are so valuable. Like fool's
gold and real gold. The chapter goes on to describe the real gold. "But you,
man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith,
love, endurance and gentleness." Don't look for those on the Dow-Jones, but
they are so much more precious than anything you'll find there and certainly
a lot more lasting.
God says when you live your life to give instead of get, you will be one of
those who "lay up treasures for themselves as a firm foundation for the
coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life" (1
Timothy 6:19) or the gold that is really gold.
Take a moment for a priority check - not about what you believe, but about
how you're spending your life. Honestly now, is most of the best of your
life tied up in going after fool's gold? Do you even have much energy, much
time, much resource left to pursue the gold of what will last for eternity
like getting to know Jesus better, getting people to heaven with you,
showing Jesus' love to people who really need it, absorbing God's Word?
It's time to live for what will last.
With whatever years you have left, go where the real gold is. The stuff that
glitters is what most of the people around you are going for. But remember,
it's just fool's gold.
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ, please visit:
Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325
Click Here
Click Here
Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?
http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html
Click Here
Click Here
Beautiful Music With Pictures:
Click Here
Last More than an hour!!!
Recently, a rash of fundamentalist atheists has become a publishing
ReplyDeletephenomenon. Touting that God is a delusion destructive to human life and
civilization, and heralding the end of faith, these authors see only
positive results at the end of atheism. Reason and rationality will
conquer any "zealous" adherence or devotion to a transcendent God.
It's fairly easy to identify with the concerns that motivate these authors
towards atheism. Like them, I grieve over the violence perpetrated in the
world in the name of God and religion. I can understand how Mother Teresa
would poignantly wonder about God's presence with her in the suffering
wasteland of Calcutta. And certainly, I, like many others, have had life
experiences that raise questions concerning God's involvement in my life,
and God's love toward me. I can understand the despair-filled temptation
towards agnosticism, or even atheism.
Yet, the world many atheists envision without God or faith is overly
optimistic, and ultimately unrealistic. Their beautiful portraits of what
the world could look like if we only jettison our faith are painted with
glowing brushstrokes of romantic imagery and language:
"This universe is shot through with mystery. The very fact of
its being, and of our own, is a mystery absolute, and the only miracle
worthy of the name. The consciousness that animates us is itself central
to this mystery and the ground for any experience we might wish to call
'spiritual....' No personal God need be worshiped for us to live in awe at
the beauty and immensity of creation....love our neighbors, and [know that]
our interdependence demands that people everywhere be given the opportunity
to flourish."(1)
I find this vision completely out of step with a world in which innocent
civilians, even as I write this essay today, are being silenced and
slaughtered by the thousands. Indeed, in light of the state of our world,
an optimistic ending for atheism is as out-of-touch with reality as belief
that the world is flat.
In fact, this vision of a godless world being a better world is shattered
by the writings of the prescient prophet and atheist, Friedrich Nietzsche.
Nietzsche, the German philosopher who wrote in the nineteenth century,
predicted what an atheistic society would look like. And unlike the
pseudo-optimism of our popular atheists today, Nietzsche's vision is
harrowing and disturbing. "The story I have to tell," he wrote, "is the
history of the next two centuries.... For a long time now our whole
civilization has been driving, with a tortured intensity growing from
decade to decade, as if towards a catastrophe: restlessly, violently,
tempestuously, like a mighty river desiring the end of its journey,
without pausing to reflect, indeed fearful of reflection." He claimed
that the world was entering an "era of monstrous wars, upheavals,
explosions and that there will be wars such as have never been waged on
the earth."(2)
Why such pessimism about the future of the world? Nietzsche argued that
the actions of human beings had rendered God superfluous. In The Gay
Science his madman yells, "'Where is God?' Well, I will tell you. We
have killed him, you and I." He goes on to doubt if even reason and the
advance of theoretical knowledge, as our modern-day atheists posit, could
heal the "wound of our existence." Indeed, science, reason, and history
could not overcome the reality that human beings "can rise or sink to no
other reality than the reality of our drives." One of those drives,
Nietzsche argued, is the will to power, ultimately fulfilled by rogue
regimes in World War I, and in World War II by the Nazi regime and the
Communist regime led by Joseph Stalin.
Thus, Nietzsche's utter suspicion of reason calls the entire optimistic
program advocated by popular atheists into question. God's absence would
not make for a better world, according to Nietzsche. Indeed, his picture
of a world without God, without a divine Creator intimately involved in
re-creation, is a very grim place filled with darkness, amorality, and
despair.
In contrast to the godless future predicted by Nietzsche or our current
atheistic prophets, the prophet Isaiah, even in the midst of warnings of
exile, destruction, and suffering had a hope-filled vision of a world
permeated with the presence of God: "The wolf will dwell with the lamb,
and the leopard will lie down with the kid, the calf and the young lion
and the fatling together; and a little child will lead them... they will
not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of
the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea" (Isaiah 11:6, 9).
This vision of a God-filled future is what Christians should hope for and
work towards, even as we wrestle with the challenges and the difficulties
of a God-famished world.
Margaret Manning is associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International
Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.