It's A Jungle Out There!

An herpetologist (snake expert) 
brought several snakes to show 
a zoo in Chapel Hill. A girl went 
up to him after the class to ask 
more about the snakes. She wanted 
to know if he had ever been bitten 
by a poisonous snake.

He said "Yep, several times. 

Most recently a rattler bit me
right here", and he showed 
the  scar on his arm where 
the snake had sunk it's fangs.

She looked at the man in awe 

and asked, "And you lived!?"

He looked at her, surprised, 

then grinned and said "You're
a UNC student, aren't you?"


Professor Howdy said...


1) ninnyhammer NIN-ee-ham-uhr (noun)
: a fool; blockhead.

Of uncertain origin. From ninny (perhaps shortening of
innocent) + hammer (possibly from hammerheaded)

"Margaret Lloyd made the sweetly ninnyhammer heroine
Josephine believable within the wild framework of the
plot, and swooped around the stage like a lark."
Craig Smith; Opera's Production of 'Pinafore' Full of
Heart; Santa Fe New Mexican; Nov 24, 2001.

2) shivaree shiv-uh-REE (noun)
: a noisy, mock serenade to a newly married couple,
involving the banging of kettles, pots and pans.

From French charivari (din, hullabaloo)

"Friends tried to subject them to a shivaree, but the
joke was on them. The bride and groom were nowhere to
be found."

Professor Howdy said...

Satisfaction guaranteed or your next issue
of 'Thought & Humor' is FREE!!!

Professor Howdy said...

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what
hours the call center was open.

I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week".

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh... Pacific."

Professor Howdy said...


You're just as likely to die by falling out of bed then you
are to get struck by lightning; each is a 1 in 2,000,000
chance. You have a 1 in 3,000,000 chance of being killed by
a snake.


The little-used adjective "tabescent" means to waste or wither


The blue whale weighs as much as thirty elephants, and is as
long as three Greyhound buses.


That's alot of Yoke

An ostrich egg can make eleven-and-a-half omelets.


Marilyn Monroe

The last line ever spoken by Marilyn Monroe on the silver
screen was "How do you find your way back in the dark?"
The line is from the 1961 film The Misfits with Clark Gable.
She died in 1962.


Book Matches

Joshua Pusey of Pennsylvania received a patent for his book
matches in 1892.


"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind."
--Winston Churchill (1874-1965), Statesman/Author

Professor Howdy said...

Most elementary school children will be able to tell you that
the first American flag was made by Betsy Ross. What they are
not taught was that she was also a social scientist who de-
veloped the techniques now used by Gallop and others. It
started when she asked a group of colonists what they thought
of the flag she had made. This was the origin of ...
the flag poll.

Professor Howdy said...

A UNC student walks into a bar with a slab
of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A root beer please, and one for the road."

Professor Howdy said...

Misconceptions about the Crusades are all too common. Generally portrayed
as a series of unprovoked holy wars against Islam, they are supposed to have
been the epitome of self-righteousness and intolerance -- a black stain on
the history of the Catholic Church in particular and Western, Christian
civilization in general. Since September 11, variations of this theme have
been used to explain -- even justify -- Muslim terror against the West.
Former president Bill Clinton himself, in a speech at Georgetown University,
fingered Muslim anger at the Crusades as the "root cause" of the present

But the truth is that the Crusades had nothing to do with colonialism or
unprovoked aggression The Crusades were not the brainchild of an ambitious
pope or rapacious knights but a response to more than four centuries
of conquests in which Muslims had already captured two thirds of the old
Christian world. At some point, European culture had to defend itself or
be subsumed by Islam. The Crusades were that defense.

Their entire subsequent history is one of Western reaction to Muslim
advances --
they were no more offensive than was the American invasion of Normandy.

• Islam was born in war and grew the same way. From the time of Mohammed,
the means of Muslim expansion was always the sword.

• With enormous energy, the warriors of Islam struck out against the
Christians shortly after Mohammed's death. Palestine, Syria, and Egypt --
once the most heavily Christian areas in the world -- quickly succumbed.

• By the eighth century, Muslim armies had conquered all of Christian North
Africa and Spain. In the eleventh century, the Seljuk Turks conquered Asia
Minor (modern Turkey), which had been Christian since the time of St. Paul.

• The Byzantine Empire was reduced to little more than Greece. In
desperation, the emperor in Constantinople sent word to the Christians of
western Europe asking them to aid their brothers and sisters in the East.

• The end of the medieval Crusades did not bring an end to Muslim jihad --
Islamic states like Mamluk Egypt continued to expand in size and power,
and the Ottoman Turks built the largest and most awesome state in Muslim

• Under Suleiman the Magnificent the Turks came within a hair's breadth of
capturing Vienna, which would have left all of Germany at their mercy. At
that point Crusades were no longer waged to rescue Jerusalem, but Europe

• It is often asserted that Crusaders were merely lacklands and
ne'er-do-wells who took advantage of an opportunity to rob and pillage in a
faraway land. Recent scholarship has demolished that contrivance. The truth
is that the Crusades were notoriously bad for plunder. A few people got
rich, but the vast majority returned with nothing.

• The Ottoman Turks conquered not only their fellow Muslims, thus further
unifying Islam, but also continued to press westward, capturing
Constantinople and plunging deep into Europe itself. By the 15th century,
the Crusades were no longer errands of mercy for a distant people but
desperate attempts of one of the last remnants of Christendom to survive.
Europeans began to ponder the real possibility that Islam would finally
achieve its aim of conquering the entire Christian world.

• In 1529, Suleiman the Magnificent laid siege to Vienna. If not for a run
of freak rainstorms that delayed his progress and forced him to leave behind
much of his artillery, it is virtually certain that the Turks would have
taken the city.

• Whether we admire the Crusaders or not, it is a fact that the world we
know today would not exist without their efforts. Without the Crusades,
and from a human standpoint, Christianity might well have followed
Zoroastrianism, another of Islam's rivals, into extinction. Of course God
would have not allowed that. Mt 16:18

From: A Concise History of the Crusades by Thomas F. Madden

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