Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture!
First Published In The Last Century - July 26, 1997!
Over 9 Million Hits!
An Amusement Park Of Ideas! #ProfHowdy
Definitions:DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate thestrained carrots.FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful eventhough they're sure you're not raising them right.HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everythingwe say.OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblingsPUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dryshoes into it.SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, andto your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to makethose familiar grunting noises.VERBAL: able to whine in wordsWHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house
Computer Age-------------*What boots up must come down. *Fax is stranger than fiction. *Don't byte off more than you can view. *The geek shall inherit the earth. *The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. *Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Hindsight----------"This, the greatest of all wars, is not just another war--it is the last war."- H.G. Wells, writer, on World War I"The depression is over."- President Herbert Hoover in June, 1930, a decade before the U.S. would recover."I'm sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don't know how to use the English language."- The editor of the San Francisco Examiner, rejecting a 1889 article by Rudyard Kipling."The bullet hasn't been made that can kill me."- Gangster Jack "Legs" Diamond in 1929. He may have been technically correct, since it is not known when the bullets that riddled his body two years later were actually manufactured.
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