Sunday

Three Ways!



There are three ways to get things done:

1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it

4 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

Definitions:

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even
though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything
we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and
to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make
those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house

Professor Howdy said...

Computer Age
-------------

*What boots up must come down.
*Fax is stranger than fiction.
*Don't byte off more than you can view.
*The geek shall inherit the earth.
*The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
*Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him
to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Professor Howdy said...

Hindsight----------


"This, the greatest of all wars, is not just another war--it is the last war."- H.G. Wells, writer, on World War I

"The depression is over."- President Herbert Hoover in June, 1930, a decade before the U.S. would recover.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don't know how to use the English language."- The editor of the San Francisco Examiner, rejecting a 1889 article by Rudyard Kipling.

"The bullet hasn't been made that can kill me."- Gangster Jack "Legs" Diamond in 1929. He may have been technically correct, since it is not known when the bullets that riddled his body two years later were actually manufactured.

Professor Howdy said...

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