Monday

Riddles!




1) A potato's key tool, I have 
all the power. I am generally 
used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or 
lost or the such, My partner 
would only respond to your 
touch.

What am I?





2) Which does not belong in this 
group: Apple, grape, banana, 
 cherry, pear.



3) Unscramble the following 
letters to form a word:

E N I T R A E S R A B S



4) My first is a number, my 
second another, And each, 
I assure you, will rhyme with 
the other. My first you will 
find is one-fifth of my second,
And truly my whole, a long 
period reckoned. Yet my first 
and my second (nay, think not 
I cozen), When added together, 
will make but two dozen.

How many am I?



5) A certain family party consisted 
of 1 grandfather, 1 grandmother, 
2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 
grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 
2 sons, 2 daughters, 1 father-in-law, 
1 mother-in-law and 1 daughter-in-law. 
This may appear appear to add up
to 23 people but was in fact only 7.

Who all was the party?





6) At the end of a fun day of shopping 
you find that you have $9.60 in change 
in your pocket. The money is made up 
of equal numbers of quarters, dimes 
and nickels. How many of each coin 
do you have?


7) I am not a king, I am not a queen
But most of you will bow when I'm seen
Currently I am resting on my side
But soon I will continue my stride
I can't walk, run, fly or crawl
Yet I am the greatest traveller of all

What Am I?



*Answers are located BELOW!
















Riddle Answers:


1) TV Remote Control
2) Banana. It's the only one that needs to be peeled before eating.
3) BRAINTEASERS
4) Four Score
5) The party consisted of 2 little girls, their brother,
their mother and father, and their father's mother and
father.
6) You have 24 of each coin.
7) A coin on the floor

3 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

1) A potato's key tool, I have all the power.
I am generally used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,
My partner would only respond to your touch.

What am I?


2) Which does not belong in this group: Apple, grape, banana,
cherry, pear.


3) Unscramble the following letters to form a word.

E N I T R A E S R A B S


4) My first is a number, my second another,
And each, I assure you, will rhyme with the other.
My first you will find is one-fifth of my second,
And truly my whole, a long period reckoned.
Yet my first and my second (nay, think not I cozen),
When added together, will make but two dozen.

How many am I?


5) A certain family party consisted of 1 grandfather,
1 grandmother, 2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 3
grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 2 sons, 2
daughters, 1 father-in-law, 1 mother-in-law and 1
daughter-in-law. This may appear appear to add up
to 23 people but was in fact only 7.

Who all was the party?

6) At the end of a fun day of shopping you find that you
have $9.60 in change in your pocket. The money is made
up of equal numbers of quarters, dimes and nickels. How
many of each coin do you have?

7) I am not a king, I am not a queen
But most of you will bow when I'm seen
Currently I am resting on my side
But soon I will continue my stride
I can't walk, run, fly or crawl
Yet I am the greatest traveller of all

What Am I?



*****************************


Riddle Answers:


1) TV Remote Control
2) Banana. It's the only one that needs to be peeled before eating.
3) BRAINTEASERS
4) Four Score
5) The party consisted of 2 little girls, their brother,
their mother and father, and their father's mother and
father.
6) You have 24 of each coin.
7) A coin on the floor

Professor Howdy said...

.



Read what you have time for below
& save the residuum for a stormy/
blustery/dilatory interval while
the charming/exquisite/vernal/
aestival season is bursting out all
over. Our goal is to promote a non-
threatening and productive office
& university environment and to
establish language that is gender-
neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-
neutral while celebrating our spirit
of diversity.



Write me sometime:

Click Here

===============




***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
ahead for your divertissement!?!




===============




Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way
through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail
address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique
blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic
but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....


Write me sometime:

Click Here


===============



*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.



===============

Why Am I Here:


Click Here



===============



'Thought & Humor' has been read in all 50 States,
all 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge,
every Ivy League School & all major American
Universities including UNC!!!



Write me sometime:

Click Here

===============




To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED HIM.




===============




Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues,
friends, and family, and let them know they can
subscribe by sending an e-mail to:

harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com


===============



Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:
harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
(Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject).
(Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)

You may subscribe ANY friend/family you wish to beguile/regale.
They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future.
(You may remain anonymous if you wish.)


===============



Your very own library


Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')


===============



Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


===============

If you stop believing what your professor told you had to be true
and if you start thinking for yourself you may come to some
conclusions you hadn't expected. You may find the Bible makes
more sense than you thought or were told to think. Allow yourself
to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you always thought could
be true. Can you believe what you don't understand? You and I
believe everyday what we don't understand unless it comes to
the issue of salvation. - - - Dr. Woodrow Kroll


===============


There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the
Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was
constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be-
tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history,
a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging.
It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned.
- - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist


===============



In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued this ruling, "By our form
of government, the Christian religion is the established religion,
and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on
equal footing." Some 57 years later, after Congress was
petitioned to separate Christian principles from government,
in 1853 the House Judiciary Committee issued their formal
report, including these words: "In this age there is no substitute
for Christianity. This was the religion of the founders of the republic,
and they expected it to be the religion of their dependents. The
great vital, conservative elements in our system is the belief of
our people in the pure doctrines and divine truths of the gospel
of Jesus Christ." - - - Dr. Gerald Beavan


===============



"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own
their dependence upon the overruling power of God
and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the
Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those
nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord."
-- President Abraham Lincoln

===============



Trust in yourself and you are doomed to disappointment;
trust in money and you may have it taken from you;
but trust in God, and you are never to be confounded in
time or eternity. - D.L. Moody


===============



Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds.
Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with their hand on the door latch
they die outside. GK Chesterton


===============



Address Change

Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this electrifying autumn season
should your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
change. Subscribe your new address:


harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
and Howdy...



===============



Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.




===============






"How to Be Sure You're
a REAL Christian"

1-888-NEED-HIM


(24/7 - free call)


===============



Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
Big Problems???
Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
Want to get REAL help???
(FREE - English/Spanish)

1-800-633-3446


Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============



I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really
foolish thing that people often say about Him [Jesus Christ]:
"I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I
don't accept His claim to be God."

That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was
merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would
not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic --
on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg --
or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice. Either this Man was, and is,
the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse ....
You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit at Him and kill
Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has
not left that option open to us. He did not intend to.


-- From Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis


===============




"Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider
well the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ
which is eternal life (John 17:3)."

- - - The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643


"All scholars shall live religious, godly, and blameless lives according
to the rules of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy Scriptures, the
fountain of light and truth; and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret."

- - - Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter


===============



Muhammad or Jesus???


Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============






Why The U.S.A. Is At War:

Click Here
Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============






AMERICA ARCHIVED


Click Here

This government site offers access to historic documents.
View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.



===============



'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but
never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.


===============



Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......






===============





Who is Jesus?

Click Here

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============




"Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like
to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."

Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}




===============



The Bible claims to be the Word of the only true God. In addition to
historical, archaeological, and scientific proofs, there are numerous
internal proofs. No such evidences exist for other "sacred writings."
The Bible was written during 1,600 years by 40 prophets, most of
whom lived in diverse cultures, at different times in history, yet who
never contradict but complement each other. For the Qur'an, Muslims
must take the word of Muhammad, just as the Book of Mormon rests
solely upon Joseph Smith's word. But every biblical prophet is confirmed
by 39 other prophets.
- - Dave Hunt




===============



God designed humans to want to believe in something.
That's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.
Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God
of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe
in everything -- including Little Green Men.

- - Chuck Colson


===============



Dear Howdy,

Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate
for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...
it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we
all need...please keep up the great works!!!

Type atcha later...

God bless you,

Phil H
WI


===============



Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**


SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have
seen. The best to you.

S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.


===============


Recommended by Prof Howdy for improving your life:


Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here
Click Here



{Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}

===============





Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':

Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???

Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administration, Married
Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married
Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author
Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
Rob - 20's - NY - University Administration, Married
Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design
Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country

Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.


===============




Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...


Click Here


(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a child my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)


===============

Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.

Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============



Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.





===============



Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -

(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it.
--Matthew 7:13-14




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease, Crosswalk.com,
CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

Professor Howdy said...

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. - Jesus Christ

Follow T&H!