A Chapel Hill motorcycle cop
was on patrol one bright sunny
April afternoon when he came
upon a line of cars stopped at
a light with horns blasting. He
stopped behind the last car in
line...
Then he noticed the reason for
the noise. The light directing
that lane of traffic was green.
He pulled out of line and stopped
alongside of the first car in line
to see what the problem was...
The officer motioned for the
UNC student (he could tell by
the bumper sticker) to roll
down her window, which
she promptly did.
He then asked her why she
was stopped when the light
was green.
She answered, "Oh, because
I'm on my way to my sister's
house which is that way," and
she pointed to the right.
The motorcycle officer said,
"Well, go ahead! The light is
green."
The UNC student responded,
"Yes, I know, but the sign under
the light says: 'RIGHT TURN ON RED.'"
+++
Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:
1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.
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===============
I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying
the really foolish thing that people often say
about Him [Jesus Christ]: "I'm ready to accept
Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't
accept His claim to be God."
That is the one thing we must not say. A man
who was merely a man and said the sort of
things Jesus said would not be a great moral
teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on a
level with a man who says he is a poached
egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell.
You must make your choice. Either this Man
was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman
or something worse ....
You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit
at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can
fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God.
But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great human
teacher. He has not left that option open
to us. He did not intend to.
-- From C.S. Lewis
(Author of The Chronicles of Narnia)
===============
"Let every student be plainly instructed
and earnestly pressed to consider well
the main end of his life and studies is
to know God and Jesus Christ which is
eternal life (John 17:3)."
The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643
"All scholars shall live religious, godly,
and blameless lives according to the rules
of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy
Scriptures, the fountain of light and truth;
and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret."
Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter
===============
Muhammad or Jesus???
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(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
===============
'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but
never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.
An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to his
ReplyDeleteDoctor's office. "Doctor Kaine, there are dogs all
over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all
night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you Howard," Doctor Kaine
said, rummaging through a drawer full of sample
medications.
"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a
dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," said Howard, "I'll try anything. Let's give it
a shot."
A few weeks later Howard, looking worse than ever.
"Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said Dr. Kaine,
shaking her head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered Howard wearily, "but
I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I
finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the
pill!"
A UNC grad was driving down the highway in his Mercedes
ReplyDeletewhen he had a flat tire and had to stop by the roadside to
change it. Shortly, an other UNC grad drives to the scene
and jumps out of his car.
"Hey, Mate, what are you doing?"
"Taking off the tire, of course"
"Great", says the other UNC grad and smashes the front
window of the Merc, "then I'll take off the radio!"
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
ReplyDeleteCould crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
I've had the privilege of playing several different positions. Not on a
ReplyDeletebaseball or football team, but on a wedding team. I've been the groom,
I've been the officiating minister, I've been an usher, and I've been the best
man. And on more than one occasion, it's been my job to make sure the
paperwork gets done while everyone else is "receptioning." The officiating
minister has to sign the marriage license, the bride and groom have to sign
it of course (the groom, if the groom is still conscious I mean), and two
more important people - the witnesses. The powers that be want it on record
that there were some people there who witnessed all these wonderful promises
being made by the young lovers.
Now, when serious business is being transacted, they sometimes require that
the signatures be witnessed by a notary public. This witness thing is
important when important commitments are being made. Someone cares if you
keep your promises. Actually, there is an extremely important person serving
as a witness for every promise you make.
In our word for today from the Word of God, Jesus spells out how seriously
He takes your commitments whether you do or not. In Matthew 5:37, Jesus
says, "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'; anything beyond
this comes from the "evil one." That's sobering stuff. Jesus says once
you've said yes, you'd better keep your commitment. It's OK to say no, but
it's not OK to say yes and have it end up being a no. In fact, Jesus seems
to tell us here that un-kept promises are the devil's idea. Jesus intends
for your "Yes" and your "no" to be some of the strongest words in the world.
And the Lord is standing there as a witness to your promises. In the Book of
Malachi, some believers are at the altar, weeping and wailing over why God
hasn't responded to them. There is obviously a breakdown between them and
God, but they can't figure out what it is. Until God says: "You weep and
wail because (the Lord) no longer pays attention to your offerings or
accepts them with pleasure from your hands."
"You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you
and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though
she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." No, you won't find
God's signature as a witness on your marriage certificate. But He was there,
and He was watching. And He says, "The problem between Me and you is because
of the problem between you and your mate. You're not doing what you promised
to do. Until that relationship is right, our relationship won't be right."
Again, God cares deeply about whether or not you do what you've promised to
do in your marriage, or in any area where you said a "yes" or a "no." You
not only lose ground with God when you don't keep your commitments, you lose
ground with the people around you. They lose respect for you. They find it
hard to take you seriously, to trust you. And I'll tell you, it really hurts
to be an un-trusted person.
In Ecclesiastes 5:4, the Lord talks about promises you make to Him, and the
warning He applies to any promise you make. "God has no pleasure in fools;
fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill
it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin."
Satan, who is the inventor of broken promises, loves it when you join his
club. God, the One who never lies, really cares if you keep your promises.
If you say you'll do it, do it. Whatever it costs, keep your commitments,
because it will cost you a whole lot more not to.
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ, please visit:
Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325.
Click Here
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Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?
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