UNC Band Nerds

Did you hear about the 
UNC band member who 
locked his keys in the car?

He had to break a window 
to get the drummer out!


Professor Howdy said...

Translations of hotel terms!

Old world charm ................ No bath
Tropical ....................... Rainy
Majestic setting ............... A long way from town
Options galore ................. Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway .............. Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms ........... Already occupied
Explore on your own ............ Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts ....... They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees .................. No extras
Nominal fee .................... Outrageous charge
Standard ....................... Sub-standard
Deluxe ......................... Standard
Superior ....................... One free shower cap
Cozy ............................. Small
All the amenities .............. Two free shower caps
Plush ............................ Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes ................. Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy ................. No air conditioning
Picturesque .................... Theme park nearby
Concierge ...................... Stand with tourist brochures
Continental breakfast .......... Free muffin


Josh was helping Sally, a UNC student,
clean out the trunk of her car.

Inside, he noticed a bag labeled
"Emergency Repair Kit". Looking
at it a little closer, he noticed
a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking
that was a bit strange, he asked Sally
what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency
repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat
and need to blow up one of my tires..."

Professor Howdy said...

"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris
and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering fromthese,
I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they
gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gaveway to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely
lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute
ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it.... It was the hardest spelling
test I've ever had."


As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could
make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they
checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were
carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.

"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."


A real man's guide to household tools:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape.

Professor Howdy said...

We do precision guesswork.

Professor Howdy said...


1) Can you decipher this famous saying?

That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness
of its abode will ensnare a vermiculate creature.

2) What has one leg,
but not two.
Never gets fat,
has 15 teeth,
but doesn't chew.
All green and no blue,
bugs don't like them but I do.
What are they?

(Answers located in another article's comments but not this ones. Hint: Posted in one of today's posting!)

BJ said...

I found a blog a couple of years ago and read it daily for a year. The blog just disappeared one day. I always regretted that I had not said hello or good job or anything. I just enjoyed it over a almost a years time.

I have enjoyed your blog for a few weeks now.

Hello, good job.

Anonymous said...

Rosie, Imus and St. Paul

Thoughts on Filthy Language

On Wednesday, during an introduction to our prayer time at our Wednesday Night Service, Pastor Steve Wallace asked us to focus our prayers on the highlight of filthy speech in our nation. I knew of the Don Imus situation. I did not know about the Rosie situation. Steve was referring to the attention being given on television to filthy speech. It became an opportunity to pray for our nation and the words we are using regularly in public discourse. I am thankful that Steve did this.

In fact, I have never listened to either Mr. Imus or Ms. O' Donnell speak, other than excerpts on news shows, but I now know more than I wanted to. I am happily prudish as it touches upon speech, but I am not naïve. I know all about those kinds of words. I used to use them. How shameful. What horrible memories of life without Christ. And so I hate to be reminded of those words that are so prevalent in our land today. I was not brought up to speak like that. It was, when I first uttered the words, most unnatural to me. They were, quite literally, foreign words to me, and though I had not heard of some of the words that I eventually used, I intuitively understood that they were ungodly words. But in the company of other filthy speakers, and living in the "far country," away from God, I was initiated. This I know: Filthy language emanates from a polluted heart. "Out of the heart," said Jesus, comes forth every sort of evil. And yet, "What comes out of the man [also] defiles him," our Savior taught. Thus, filthy language both starts from defilement and adds to it. Wherever Satan has a strong hold on a human being, there is a stench of one sort or another.

When Jesus Christ saved my soul, my language began to change. It is hard for the same tongue to speak the words "grace," "forgiveness," and, of course, "Lord Jesus" and the kind of words that Imus and Rosie have been using. And so I stopped using the language because God cleaned up the foul pollution in my soul. The dredging work of my heart goes on, but the filthy, first layer of scum has been removed, and language is often one of the first things to be transformed from such a gracious operation of the Holy Spirit. But believer beware: only listen to this sort of degraded speech, only stay away from the clean thoughts of Christ, from the godly company of others who are seeking Him, or strain the healing Words of Jesus through a filter of religion of works, or through apathy or sarcasm or anger or other unconfessed, hidden sin (removing the spiritual nutrients while retaining only the "form of religion"), and the old language will reappear. An oily sheen will begin to gather on the surface of the pool of your soul. You won't just start cursing. You will first tolerate it in your ear. You won't immediately begin to use filthy words. You will become desensitized to others using them. Then, like a sinister, encroaching killer Boa arising from the oily scum, it wraps itself around your mind. And before long, when you get angry or frustrated or hurt, you find the words you have been putting into your mind being vomited up in your speech.

The Apostle Paul never heard of Don Imus or Rosie O' Donnell, but he knew about their problem, our problem, and our nation's problem even then, for human nature does not change. Mark it:

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips [my emphasis]." (Colossians 3.5-8 NIV)

Do you notice that filthy language consists of the earthly things Paul spoke of? Think about it. NO, DON'T. But when we follow Jesus, we follow Him all the way. And so Paul will end this part of his letter to the Colossians by telling them:

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3.16-17 ESV)

And therein is our hope and the hope for our nation. The pollution of the soul is cleaned up by the "wonderful words of life" that we sing and pray and preach in the House of the Lord. Let us "read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest" (Book of Common Prayer, 1662) the Word of Christ that we may produce words of like-mindedness.

Plan now to join your brothers and sisters in church on Sunday, and let the sweet, pure honey of God's Word come into your soul and out of your mouth. It is so much easier on the ear. It is so much sweeter on your tongue.

Dr. Michael A. Milton, Senior Pastor
First Presbyterian Church

Anonymous said...

That's funny Professor!!!

Professor Howdy said...

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