Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture!
First Published In The Last Century - July 26, 1997!
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An Amusement Park Of Ideas! #ProfHowdy
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
ElementronicsThe heaviest element known to science is Managerium.This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleuscomposed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons,25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistantvice-neutrons all going round in circles.Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it doesnot decay but institutes a series of reviews leading toreorganization.Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tinyparticles known as morons.
Peanut Gallery is American slang dating to 1888referring to the balcony section of a theater--presumably from hoi polloi eating peanuts inthe cheap seats. The term was popularizedin the 1950s by the television show HowdyDoody, in which the host Buffalo Bob wouldcall the child audience the peanut gallery.In doing so, Buffalo Bob was combining twodifferent slang traditions.Peanut is also slang for something smallor inconsequential. This use dates to the1930s. By 1942, the word was being usedto mean a small or inconsequential person,or a child. This is the origin of name ofCharles Schulz's comic strip, and HowdyDoody got mileage out of both sensesof the term.
A couple were driving to the airport in stony silencesince they had had an argument and she was notreally interested in flying in her husband’s aircraftthat afternoon. They drove past a meadow inwhich several goats, cows, horses and sheepwere grazing. He asked sarcastically, “Relativesof yours?” “Yes!” she quickly replied “In-laws.”
A UNC student goes into a restaurant and noticesthere's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've wona motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggestprize is a free lunch."But the student keeps on screaming, "I've won amotorhome! I've won a motorhome!"Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am,I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't havepossibly won a motorhome because we didn't havethat as a prize!"The UNC student says, "No, it's not a mistake. I'vewon a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to themanager and HE reads ."W I N. A. B A G E L"
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS1) acidulous e sijjeless (adjective): slightly sour in taste: cutting and sharp in speech or toneMid-18th century. Formed from Latin acidulus,from acidus, from acere "to be sour."Her acidulous tone let us know we were in trouble.2) balky bawkee (adjective): difficult and uncooperativeThe balky mule stopped dead in its tracks.
"A Makeover for the Woman You Love" Ephesians 5:25 It's no wonder many American women are unhappy with their looks. They're comparing themselves to the magazine pictures of these flawless models. Of course, that woman doesn't really exist. She's the creation of hair stylists, makeup artists, wardrobe specialists, special lighting and hundreds of continuous-frame photos - from which one good one is selected, and then airbrushed to remove all imperfections. Nobody looks good compared to that mythical icon - including the real girl in the picture! But with our obsession with a certain definition of beauty, the word "makeover" has become more and more popular. They even have TV shows now that are totally devoted to transforming a woman thought of as "average" into someone much more stylish. It just takes some time backstage with the hair, makeup, and wardrobe magicians. And with the split screen showing her "before," out steps this glamorous "new woman" with her makeover! There are husbands who've been doing makeovers for a long time - making their wife more beautiful - from the inside out. Changing makeup and hairstyle, and clothing - oh, that's the easy kind of makeover - and it's totally superficial. But the Bible makes it clear that a husband has the power to contribute to an internal makeover in the woman he loves - a makeover that will eventually show up on the outside. The true beautifying of a woman doesn't come through a makeup or wardrobe artist. It comes through the love of God, expressed through the self-sacrificing love of a husband. That's the makeover miracle God describes in our word for today from the Word of God in Ephesians 5, beginning with verse 25. He says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Instinctively, a man likes to be the center of everything. But with Christ in his life, he has the potential to be something so much better - to love as Jesus did. Jesus set aside all self-interest, all self-protection, all self-seeking for us. He forgot about Himself, thought only of us, and sacrificed everything in the love that took Him to the cross. The high calling of a husband is to let the woman he loves taste that kind of love through his love as, several times a day, he sets aside what he needs for what she needs, what matters to him for what matters to her. Love, Jesus-style, is not a four-letter word. It's a nine-letter word: sacrifice. Listen to the result of Christ loving us that way and ultimately of a man loving a woman that way. "Christ gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." The selfless love of a husband can, over time, help a woman feel safe enough to deal with her weaknesses, to pour out her soul. And, in so doing, to cleanse her soul. God's love through a loving husband can set her free from the fears and the scars of the past that have defined her for so long. His praise can restore her sense of worth. His listening can offload what weighs her down. His attentiveness can free her to trust him with all her needs and to respond to him without reservation. It's a beautiful thing. You can tell a woman who's being loved like this. She glows. She's radiant. She's being loved as God intended, and by just being what God intended for him to be, her husband ends up with a wife with a glowing new beauty. And it starts with the man. Our wife, in so many ways, is a mirror of the way we love her - or don't love her. But God has always planned marriage to be a powerful makeover tool - not because you're trying to change the person you love, but because you love them so much that something beautiful happens. Ron Hutchcraft Listen with RealAudio! http://xrl.us/d4npTo subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:email@example.com---------------------------------------------------------------------To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please call:1-888-NEED HIM. =============== Here are some famous inventions: » There were 15,700,003 Model T Ford's manufactured, all in black. » The electric chair was invented by a dentist. » Thomas Edison held more than 1,300 U.S. and foreign patents. » Thomas Edison's first major invention was the quadruplex telegraph. Unlike other telegraphs at the time, it could send four messages at the same time over one wire. » The film for the first Kodak camera was 2¾ inches wide, or 70 millimeters. Kodak has been manufacturing 70-millimeter film continuously since 1888. » The first "braces" were constructed by Pierre Fauchard in 1728. Fauchard's "braces" consisted of a flat strip of metal, which was connected to teeth by pieces of thread. » Though Frederick Banting and Charles Best were co- discovers of insulin, only Banting was officially recognized for the Nobel Prize in medicine in 1923. He shared his winnings with Best, though. » Today, 40 percent of the world's newspapers are printed on paper made from Canada's forests. =============== UNC PROF: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? UNC SOPH: H I J K L M N O!! UNC PROF: What? What are you talking about, Donald? UNC SOPH: Well, yesterday you said it's H to O, so. . .
But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. - Romans 5:8 NLT
For God made two great lights, the sun and the moon, to shine down upon the earth. The greater one, the sun, presides during the day; the lesser one, the moon, presides through the night. He also made the stars. - Genesis 1:16 NLT
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