Monday

Seagulls!



Why do seagulls fly over the sea?


(Because if they flew over the bay, they'd
be bagels.)

9 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.

Professor Howdy said...

Elementronics

The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus
composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons,
25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant
vice-neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does
not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to
reorganization.

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny
particles known as morons.

Professor Howdy said...

Peanut Gallery is American slang dating to 1888
referring to the balcony section of a theater--
presumably from hoi polloi eating peanuts in
the cheap seats. The term was popularized
in the 1950s by the television show Howdy
Doody, in which the host Buffalo Bob would
call the child audience the peanut gallery.
In doing so, Buffalo Bob was combining two
different slang traditions.

Peanut is also slang for something small
or inconsequential. This use dates to the
1930s. By 1942, the word was being used
to mean a small or inconsequential person,
or a child. This is the origin of name of
Charles Schulz's comic strip, and Howdy
Doody got mileage out of both senses
of the term.

Professor Howdy said...

A couple were driving to the airport in stony silence
since they had had an argument and she was not
really interested in flying in her husband’s aircraft
that afternoon. They drove past a meadow in
which several goats, cows, horses and sheep
were grazing. He asked sarcastically, “Relatives
of yours?” “Yes!” she quickly replied “In-laws.”

Professor Howdy said...

A UNC student goes into a restaurant and notices
there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won
a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest
prize is a free lunch."

But the student keeps on screaming, "I've won a
motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am,
I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have
possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have
that as a prize!"

The UNC student says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've
won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the
manager and HE reads .

"W I N. A. B A G E L"

Professor Howdy said...

OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS


1) acidulous e sijjeless (adjective)
: slightly sour in taste
: cutting and sharp in speech or tone

Mid-18th century. Formed from Latin acidulus,
from acidus, from acere "to be sour."

Her acidulous tone let us know we were in trouble.

2) balky bawkee (adjective)
: difficult and uncooperative

The balky mule stopped dead in its tracks.

Professor Howdy said...

"A Makeover for the Woman You Love"
Ephesians 5:25


It's no wonder many American women are unhappy with their looks.
They're comparing themselves to the magazine pictures of these flawless
models. Of course, that woman doesn't really exist. She's the creation of
hair stylists, makeup artists, wardrobe specialists, special lighting and
hundreds of continuous-frame photos - from which one good one is selected,
and then airbrushed to remove all imperfections. Nobody looks good compared
to that mythical icon - including the real girl in the picture! But with our
obsession with a certain definition of beauty, the word "makeover" has
become more and more popular. They even have TV shows now that are totally
devoted to transforming a woman thought of as "average" into someone much
more stylish. It just takes some time backstage with the hair, makeup, and
wardrobe magicians. And with the split screen showing her "before," out
steps this glamorous "new woman" with her makeover!

There are husbands who've been doing makeovers for a long time -
making their wife more beautiful - from the inside out. Changing makeup
and hairstyle, and clothing - oh, that's the easy kind of makeover - and
it's totally superficial. But the Bible makes it clear that a husband has the
power to contribute to an internal makeover in the woman he loves - a
makeover that will eventually show up on the outside. The true beautifying
of a woman doesn't come through a makeup or wardrobe artist. It comes
through the love of God, expressed through the self-sacrificing love of a
husband.

That's the makeover miracle God describes in our word for today from
the Word of God in Ephesians 5, beginning with verse 25. He says, "Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her." Instinctively, a man likes to be the center of everything. But with
Christ in his life, he has the potential to be something so much better -
to love as Jesus did. Jesus set aside all self-interest, all self-protection,
all self-seeking for us. He forgot about Himself, thought only of us, and
sacrificed everything in the love that took Him to the cross. The high
calling of a husband is to let the woman he loves taste that kind of love
through his love as, several times a day, he sets aside what he needs
for what she needs, what matters to him for what matters to her. Love,
Jesus-style, is not a four-letter word. It's a nine-letter word: sacrifice.

Listen to the result of Christ loving us that way and ultimately of
a man loving a woman that way. "Christ gave himself up for her, to make
her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their
own bodies."

The selfless love of a husband can, over time, help a woman feel
safe enough to deal with her weaknesses, to pour out her soul. And, in so
doing, to cleanse her soul. God's love through a loving husband can set her
free from the fears and the scars of the past that have defined her for so
long. His praise can restore her sense of worth. His listening can offload
what weighs her down.

His attentiveness can free her to trust him with all her needs and
to respond to him without reservation. It's a beautiful thing. You can tell
a woman who's being loved like this. She glows. She's radiant. She's being
loved as God intended, and by just being what God intended for him to be,
her husband ends up with a wife with a glowing new beauty.

And it starts with the man. Our wife, in so many ways, is a mirror
of the way we love her - or don't love her. But God has always planned
marriage to be a powerful makeover tool - not because you're trying to
change the person you love, but because you love them so much that
something beautiful happens. Ron Hutchcraft





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Here are some famous inventions:

» There were 15,700,003 Model T Ford's manufactured,
all in black.

» The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

» Thomas Edison held more than 1,300 U.S. and foreign
patents.

» Thomas Edison's first major invention was the quadruplex
telegraph. Unlike other telegraphs at the time, it could
send four messages at the same time over one wire.

» The film for the first Kodak camera was 2¾ inches wide,
or 70 millimeters. Kodak has been manufacturing 70-millimeter
film continuously since 1888.

» The first "braces" were constructed by Pierre Fauchard in
1728. Fauchard's "braces" consisted of a flat strip of metal,
which was connected to teeth by pieces of thread.

» Though Frederick Banting and Charles Best were co-
discovers of insulin, only Banting was officially recognized
for the Nobel Prize in medicine in 1923. He shared his
winnings with Best, though.

» Today, 40 percent of the world's newspapers are printed
on paper made from Canada's forests.






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UNC PROF: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

UNC SOPH: H I J K L M N O!!

UNC PROF: What? What are you talking about, Donald?

UNC SOPH: Well, yesterday you said it's H to O, so. . .

The Professor said...

But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. - Romans 5:8 NLT

The Professor said...

For God made two great lights, the sun and the moon, to shine down upon the earth. The greater one, the sun, presides during the day; the lesser one, the moon, presides through the night. He also made the stars. - Genesis 1:16 NLT

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