Q. What's the difference between
a female lawyer and a pit bull?
*Above demonstrates what intelligent
beautiful girls do when you send them
'T & H' jokes if they esteem you!!! 100%
Veracious - Why wrastle with the hassle!!!
Scientifically Proven - Results Plighted!!!
*Click on the tiny white envelope -
with an arrow pointing to the right -
just below any thought, humor, or
cartoon on the main page of this
award winning blog and send it
on to her for stellar causatums...
A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"
ReplyDelete"Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my
finger to the phone."
By the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think
ReplyDeleteof yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of
yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the
measure of faith God has given you. --Romans 12
==================
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese
mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
*+*+
The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today.
They are demanding to make less money!
==================
Hear about the UNC student who.............................?
* Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months.
The box had said "2 to 4 years."..........?
* Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went
out...........?
* Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone
button...........?
==================
Q) How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the
stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the stricture
of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part,
also known as 'Lawyer,' and the party of the second part, also
known as 'Lightbulb,' do hereby and forthwith agree to a
transaction wherein the party of the second part (Lightbulb) shall
be removed from the current position. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not limited to, the following steps:
(1) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder,
or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part
(Lightbulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Lightbulb) in
a counter-clockwise direction, this point being nonnegotiable.
(2) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
(Lightbulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
(Receptacle),the party of the first part(Lawyer) shall have the
option of disposing of the party of the second part (Lightbulb) in
a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal
statutes.
==================
Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
Big Problems???
Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
Want to get REAL help???
(FREE - English/Spanish)
1-800-633-3446
While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
ReplyDeleteDavid and his wife listened to the instructor declare,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
==================
"How to Be Sure You're
a REAL Christian"
1-888-NEED-HIM
(24/7 - free call)
==================
The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could
find was in use...
So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking
it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still
the man was on the phone.
I noticed he was just standing there, not saying a word. Four more
minutes went by, and he still wasn't saying anything...
Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the
phone; just for minute... I really wouldn't be long, but needed to
make an important call.
"Just hold on, buddy!" he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm
talking to my wife."
saludos brother.
ReplyDeleteOne day I was talking with the owner of a local pizza restaurant; a place where I am known all too well. I was there at the tail end of their rush hour, and let me tell you, this place is a zoo for about 90 minutes around noon. It was slowing down and the owner finally was able to stop to talk with me. When he asked me how I was doing, I said, "Well, I'm doing a lot better now. I had lunch!" The owner said, "I know what you mean. If I wait very late to eat lunch, I start to get shaky." I told him, "Well, I guess you're in a good place then." Actually, he corrected me. He said, "Sometimes we are so busy serving it that we don't have time to eat it ourselves!"
ReplyDeleteA lot of us have experienced what my restaurant owner friend was talking about - being so busy serving that we don't have any time to get fed ourselves - spiritually, that is. Hey, it happened to Martha, didn't it? It's happened to me way too often, and probably to you, too.
Martha's experience is described in Luke 10:38, our word for today from the Word of God. "Jesus came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"
Now, Martha's busy serving Jesus. Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to Him. Which is better? Most of us make-it-happen, get-it-done types would instinctively gravitate to the doing stuff rather than the being stuff. But Jesus says, "Mary has chosen what is better." I think we've all been Martha-ed...maybe you are right now. You get so busy serving Jesus that you have no time to be with Jesus. It's like my pizza friend. We're so busy serving spiritual food to others that we're actually eating less of it ourselves.
Now that's backwards! The more people are looking to you, the more you have to be with the Lord yourself. But, frankly, it's easy to let your spiritual health become a victim of ministry. In fact, serving God's Word without experiencing God yourself is a prescription for burnout.
There's a danger in studying God's truth only to prepare lessons, Bible studies, sermons and missing the purpose of studying it, which is to have your life changed through applying it to your everyday life. There's a danger of becoming someone who leads others to experience the Lord while you're slowly becoming a spectator yourself. And you can so fill your life with Christian meetings, Christian positions, and Christian activity that it feels like knowing the Lord. But, in fact, those activities have slowly crowded out that precious private time with Jesus. And that time is the fuel for any valid ministry!
So you may be serving others while starving yourself. Soon that's going to lead to a Martha Meltdown. Ministry is supposed to be the overflow of your own time with the Lord, not a righteous substitute for it. So if you feel yourself growing weak and tired, frustrated, and negative while you're serving your Lord, don't blame the work and don't blame the customers. You probably have not taken time to feed yourself spiritually - to really be with Jesus. You don't want to lose your closeness to Jesus in the middle of serving Jesus.
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit:
Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325.
Click Here
Click Here
Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?
http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html
Click Here
Click Here
Beautiful Music With Pictures:
Click Here
Last More than an hour!!!
New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making headlines.
ReplyDeleteFrom: Cjsw150@aol.com
Date: January 8, 2009 5:31:06 AM EST
To: Cjsw5343@aol.com
Subject: Wonderful
Wonderful!
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.
We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.
We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.
;
We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me,Me.
We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.
And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.
Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me, Me.
There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.
And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.
But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.
They send us invitations to join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me,Me.
So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.
***********************************
For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents!!! And thanks for the memories............
I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART.
Tribute to a man who DID make a difference:
May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003
ON TURNING 70 'You still chase women, but only downhill'.
ON TURNING 80 'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100 ' I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING'I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR 'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'
ON GOLF 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS ' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER ' When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'.'
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES ' I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'
ON GOING TO HEAVEN 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
GOD BLESS Everyone
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke...