Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture!
First Published In The Last Century - July 26, 1997!
Over 9 Million Hits!
An Amusement Park Of Ideas! #ProfHowdy
The executive was interviewing a UNC grad for a positionin his company. He wanted to find out something about herpersonality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation withsomeone, living or dead, who would it be?"The UNC grad quickly responded, "The living one."
UNC Technology: 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. 2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gittin the far wood. 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 8. HARD DRIVE: Gittin home in the winter time. 9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. 10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside. 11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season. 12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. 13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. 14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchiebag. 15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields. 16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. 17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. 18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys. 19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs. 20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. 21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. 22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine 23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all" 24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whutya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks. 25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
You Know You're From California When:1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing's and none are visible.2. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.3. You are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, is named Breeze.
ProfessorThis is a job very hard. Who will be the winner? You or the "signal men"?
Definitely the signal man:O)
If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. May You AlwaysExperience This Kind Of Love,Dr. Howdy
Twice in a little over a year we were stunned by news of major earthquakes, and the images we won't soon forget. But they were in two very different parts of the world. The first one was in Haiti. When the ground was finished shaking...well, you remember. The homes, the businesses, even their President's palace were in total rubble. The second quake hit Japan, and for those areas that didn't get the tsunami--just got hit by the quake--most of their homes and businesses were left standing. What's the difference? The materials their structures were made of. You know, a quake has a way of exposing the strength or the weakness of what you're building on.I saw my friend, Mike, not too long after the major tsunami that hit Wall Street two or three years ago. Mike's a dear brother and he's had a very long and successful career on Wall Street. But during those chaotic months in our economy, I think he felt like a Category 5 hurricane or an 8.0 earthquake had hit his life and his business. When I asked him how all the turbulence and uncertainty were affecting him, he responded with an answer that I had to think about. He said, "It exposed my idols."Now, I'm pretty sure my friend does not have a graven image in his closet. But not all idols are carved out of stone. An idol is simply something we put our faith in to give us security, to give us identity, to give us significance, love. As Mike told me not long after that financial tsunami, "If you'd asked any of us marketplace Christians where our security was, we would have told you we were definitely trusting the Lord. But what has happened has shown us what we were really trusting in."God will do what He has to do to "expose our idols" and show us what we're "really trusting in." It usually means shaking whatever we've trusted instead of trusting Him. In Old Testament times, the Philistines put their faith in a god they called Dagon.Now, our word for today from the word of God tells us that when they captured the ark of God's covenant with Israel, Dagon had some problems. 1 Samuel 5, beginning in verse 1, says, "When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord!" Okay, they put old Dagon back in his place, but the next morning it says they found that "his head and hands had been broken off."Now, you know what? Every "idol" will ultimately fall on its face. Every "idol" in our life will ultimately break. It doesn't matter if it's your career, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a house, a bank account, a ministry. Even very good things can become idols. Yeah, your children, your church, the work you're doing for God. They're false gods when we need them to give us our worth, to give us our identity, to give us our security.But many times we can't recognize an idol until it's shaken or until it's gone. And the First Commandment is still first. "You shall have no other gods before Me" (Exodus 20:3).Jonah revealed the high price of diverting our trust from the true God to another god. He said, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs" (Jonah 2:8). If we only knew all we could have from God...but for the idol. To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit: Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325."A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft
I'll be loving you, oh alwaysWith a love that's true, alwaysWhen the things you've plannedNeed a helping handI will understand, always!Always!(Irving Berlin)Days may not be fair, alwaysThat's when I'll be there, alwaysNot for just an hourNot for just a dayNot for just a yearBut always!Not for just an hourNot for just a dayNot for just a yearBut always!
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