Two Atoms Walking!

Two atoms are walking down 
the street and they run into 
each other.

One says to the other, 
"Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron!" 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive!"

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Professor Howdy said...

Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cow steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

Professor Howdy said...

"Yes, Sir?"
"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same
seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so
I can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the plane."

Professor Howdy said...

Quirks About Life You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty

**..Most people deserve each other.

**..All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

**..The one who snores will fall asleep first.

**..The length of a marriage is inversely proportional
to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

**..The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and
apropo as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.

dunno said...

amazing one,made me lol

Professor Howdy said...

Okay, I'm pretty much a village idiot when it comes to taking care of growing things, I admit that. I have to be careful laughing therefore; at what a cousin of ours did. Oh, it was a nice thing. His wife was gone for a couple of weeks; he volunteered to take care of some of the household jobs she was leaving behind. Including watering her plants. Which he did. Including this good-sized ficus plant. Now, I don't what that is, but I can still tell the story, right. He watered it faithfully every day, and he proudly reported that to his wife when she got home. That's when he learned a revealing fact about that ficus plant - it wasn't real. He had been faithfully watering a lifeless plant.

You know, no amount of watering is going to make something lifeless real. No matter how sincere the efforts. One of the disturbing revelations in the Bible is the fact that many people are sincerely nurturing something that has no life. In hopes that it will win them points with God. And help them go to heaven some day.

In Proverbs 14:12, our word for today from the Word of God, it says: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Wow. If you ask most folks if they're going to heaven, well they'll say "yeah," or "I hope so." And those hopes, in most cases, are based on the good things I do, the nice person I'm trying to be, the religion I'm faithfully following.

Unfortunately, God explicitly tells us that is not how to get to heaven. Listen to God's own words, "He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy" (Titus 3:5). In another place, God says, "No one will be declared righteous in His sight by observing the law" (Romans 3:20). And it couldn't be much clearer than this statement: "It is by grace," that's God's underserved favor, "it is by grace you have been saved through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works..." (Ephesians 2:8-9). Well, that couldn't be any plainer. Not by works - no amount of religion, no amount of human goodness.

So a person may be faithfully pursuing some spiritual system or lifestyle and still miss heaven. They're watering something that can't produce life. It may be may look like something that has life. They may be really sincere, but the Bible says human goodness can't produce eternal life.

(Continued Below!)

Professor Howdy said...

Because our sin carries an eternal death penalty that the Bible describes as the "wages of sin" (Romans 6:23). And doing good can't pay a death penalty - someone has to die to pay a death penalty. I deserve that penalty for hijacking my life from the God who gave it to me. But Someone loved me - and you - so much that He said, "I will die in your place." That was God's only Son, Jesus. And He is our only hope of heaven.

We're drowning. We can't save ourselves. Our only hope is grabbing the Rescuer, Jesus, holding onto Him like He's our only hope. Grabbing Him is the difference between eternal life and eternal death. Now, if you're not sure that there's ever been a time when you've put all your trust in Jesus, I urge you; make this day your Jesus-day. You can just say to Him, "Jesus, I believe that some of those sins You died for on that cross were mine. I'm turning over the wheel of my life to you. I'm not driving anymore, I've done that enough. Putting all my trust in you, to take me to heaven someday and to forgive my sin. I'm yours starting now."

Listen, if you prayed that prayer, or if you'd really like to check out a simple explanation of how to be sure you belong to Jesus, I urge you to go to our website. And it would be great to know if you've begun this relationship with Him, because I'd love to send you the "5 Secrets to a Great Relationship with God." I want you to know about those. Listen, check out our website, will you? It's

Look, you've know about Jesus. You've tried to do things that please Jesus. But maybe you've never really given yourself to Jesus. You're so close. Don't miss Him.

To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit: Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325.

"A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft

Professor Howdy said...

In a No-Place

Was it only days ago or had years since slipped away? His rugged brother, Esau, could spend weeks in the wilderness hunting, but already he longs for the tents of home. Fearing retribution, Jacob is fleeing for his life, the distance increasing from his mother, father, brother—all that he has ever known. What he wrested with deceit—his brother's blessing and inheritance—Esau intends to avenge with blood. Jacob's destination, Haran, is more than a month away. Where is his blessing now?(1)

Deep into the hill country, the setting sun leaves shadows in the valleys darkening the calculations in his mind. If only his brother hadn't offered him his birthright. If only he hadn't listened to his mother. Running for days, Jacob soon succumbs to the weariness of night. Lying on his back, his head against a hard stone, he is vulnerable to attack from man and beast. Yet too tired to fight, his hypervigilant body slowly gives in to sleep.

Suddenly, a stairway
from heaven touches earth. Angels ascend and descend. Above the stairway stands God Himself. He speaks: "I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you" (Genesis 28:13-15).

Jacob's heartbeat accelerates, adrenaline surging through him like a rush of desert wind. He cannot speak, he cannot move. His back against the cold earth, he is pinned by the weight of words, light, glory: fear. The LORD God is addressing him—blessing him!

Then he wakes up.

(Continued Below!)

Professor Howdy said...

Stricken and dumb, minutes pass before words take shape: "Surely the
LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it." With this recognition, newfound fear floods his soul and a hushed awe breathes in the stillness of night: "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven." At the light of dawn he takes his stone pillow and sets it on its side. Pouring oil on it, he consecrates it as a marker to God. So Jacob calls this place "Bethel": house of God.

While the "true 'daybreak' for his soul will not come until the end of his twenty-year exile [in Haran]... God's revelation requires no scheming from Jacob.... In this unexpected event in a no-place, God, sovereignly and apart from Jacob's schemes, reveals himself to Jacob."(2) God reminds Jacob of his faithfulness, reassuring him, "I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac." What was wrested through deception now pales to what God graciously gives: "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will
bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." What could not be earned has been freely given. Jacob, once asleep to the gracious God of his father and mother, now awakes to his presence. God will be with him and lead him to Haran. And The God of Promised Presence will bless him and his offspring and bring him home.

Although Jacob's story is unique—he would wrestle with God and God would change Jacob's name to symbolize a nation—his story reveals that God, in his manifest humility, seeks us wherever we are. Whether in the wilderness in the dead of night or the seeming no-place of grief, compromise, or rebellion, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob declares that He is "the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth" (Exodus 34:6). God longs that we would, like Jacob, surrender to Him, for He desires to lead us home. And as we recognize his gracious presence and goodness, fear and
wonder give way to worship, an overflow of awe and gratitude that cannot be contained: "Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it."

Danielle DuRant is director of research and writing at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

(1) For the background to this story, see Genesis 25:19-34 and Genesis 27.
(2) Bruce Waltke, Genesis: A Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2001), 389.

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