Monday

Your Next Flight!



No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

The crying baby on board is always seated next to you.

The best-looking person of the opposite sex on your flight is never seated next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.


http://money.cnn.com/2006/05/20/news/companies/airlines_full/airplane_crowd.03.jpg

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2 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house -
cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs
me to help with the attic and the garage, moving
and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies.
"I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count
on you!"

Ravi Zacharias said...

Insult to Injury

For a moment I was completely confused. Wincing, I bent down to remove what I thought was a thorn between my toes when a bee crawled out of my sandal. My immediate reaction was one of indignation. I hadn't done anything to warrant this. But this train of thought was immediately derailed by a second sting on the opposite foot. The next thing I knew bees were everywhere. They went after my head and continued to chase me regardless of how fast or far I seemed to run. By the time I made it home, I had been stung repeatedly.

I can't remember the last time I had been stung by a bee. (I was probably five or six years old, and my mom was immediately there to medicate and console me.) By the time the adrenaline stopped rushing, I was overwhelmed with throbbing limbs. I had forgotten how painful a bee sting can be and I had no idea how to soothe the hurt. My husband gave me a bag of ice and set off to the Internet for information. What we discovered was half-helpful,
half-maddening.

On every website that offered information on treating bee stings, there inevitably seemed to be a few thoughts on what I should have done to prevent them. The lists were always very similar: Avoid wearing perfume and bright colors. Don't work or play around bee hives. Don't provoke them or disturb them. Remember that bee stings are painful and can be dangerous. The words almost seemed to make the stinging worse; the burden of fault was unbearable.

Religious people sometimes make use of similar teaching opportunities. When a person is crumbling under the weight of his or her own sin, crying out over a life of brokenness, or agonizing over a certain sting of consequence, someone inevitably steps in to offer some after-the-fact instruction. This person’s objective may be well-meaning. There may even be nothing wrong with the words or wisdom offered. But there is undoubtedly a wrong a time to offer. Before we give a lesson on all that makes us bleed, the wounded
need to know there is a physician.

Jesus came onto the religious scene of Jerusalem with a method that bothered a great number of people. The experts of the law were proficient in the commandments of Scripture; they wanted people to know that sin bears great consequence and that the way to God is straight and narrow. The teaching of Jesus certainly echoed these truths, and yet he called out the religious leaders repeatedly as those whose "teachings are but rules taught by men" (Matthew 15:8). "And you experts in the law," he proclaimed, "woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them" (Luke 11:46).

Of course, the advice given to me about avoiding bee stings was obviously sound. And on some level, it seems reasonable to include these principles while discussing a treatment plan; prevention is clearly the best treatment. But each time I came across this "guidance" as my entire body throbbed
in pain, I naturally wanted to scream. Of course I didn't mean to disturb the bee's nest; I'm still not even sure where the nest was. To be fair, I didn't see any of it coming. I wasn't wearing bright colors and I wasn't wearing perfume. I simply stepped in the wrong place at the wrong time and I was paying for those steps. Yet regardless: all of this was completely irrelevant at the moment I was looking for help.

There are times when sin simply comes in and completely flattens us. In hindsight we may be able to see the wrong turns and reckless steps that might have brought us there, or actions that might have prevented the heartache altogether. But in the midst of our brokenness, Jesus isn't the one pointing this out. To the wounded, he simply says, "Come."

When we come to Christ asking for help, we are offered a person, not a list that adds insult to injury. To the wounded, he simply offers his own wounds. While Jesus indeed offered instruction that would load down the
strongest among us, God was lifting him onto to the Cross to help us bear the burden. In his presence the stinging may at first seem worse, but the wound, he assures us, will heal.



Jill Carattini is managing editor of A Slice of Infinity at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.


Ravi Zacharias and Stuart McAllister will be in Colorado this week! Together they will host an Engaging Today's Culture event:
- "God in the Marketplace", Thursday, February 19, 2009, Colorado Springs, CO
Click here for more information.
http://www.rzim.org/USA/Events/EventDescriptions/Seminars/EngagingTodaysCulture.aspx

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