Dear Diary!

Dear Dr. Howdy,

When I was a baby, 

I kept a diary. Recently,
I was rereading

It said, "Day 1 - 
Still tired from the 
move. Day 2 - 
Everybody talks to me
like I'm a nincompoop."

Steven W.

Google: T3H7P12H



Professor Howdy said...

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love -
and get married.

The ceremony was kind of boring, but the
Reception was great!

Professor Howdy said...

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car
(with a UNC decal) on the freeway. As the officer peered
through the driver's window, he was astounded to find
that the student behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.

"No!" the proud UNC student yelled back, "Scarf!"

Professor Howdy said...

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of
water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass
of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take
the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?"

Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

Professor Howdy said...

The Teenage Casualties of Casual Sex
By Doug Giles
Saturday, September 22, 2007

Chances are historically high, young person, that if you screw around sexually nowadays well…you could very well be…screwed. As in, for life, with the “gift” that keeps on giving—namely, a Sexually Transmitted Disease.

FYI young dudes and dudettes: no matter what they tell you on the various TV commercials, these diverse and multitudinous sex plagues aren’t just a “little inconvenient” like a runny nose, halitosis or dandruff. They are devastating.

The entrance of an STD into your B-O-D could equal one or more of the following: perpetual physical pain, public humiliation, chronic depression, infertility, increased chance of birth defects in your kids (if you can still have them), cervix, penile and anal cancer and/or an early and horrible visit from the Grim Reaper.

Now, I know what most teenage crotch rockets and their aiding and abetting adult purveyors of the follow-your-little-head propaganda are thinking: “It could never happen to me. I’m special. That kind of stuff only happens to skanks like Courtney Love and Tommy Lee, and anyway, more than likely this is trumped-up parent/Bible Belt-inspired blather lathered up to make us keep our zippers in the upright and locked position.”

The truth of the matter is that STDs are cranking in our culture like never before, and they are an equal opportunity infector. An estimated 19 million new cases occur each year with our teenage kids getting hammered with the lion’s share of this slop (teens now make up 25% of the 19 million new “victims” annually).

Check out this smattering of factual 411 from Dr. Meg Meeker’s new book Your Kids at Risk: How Teen Sex Threatens Our Sons and Daughters:

• This year, 8 to 10 million teens will contract an STD.

• Nearly one out of four sexually active teens is living with a sexually transmitted disease at this moment.

• Nearly 50% of African-American teenagers have genital herpes.

• Although teenagers make up just 10% of the population, they acquire 25% of all STDs.

• Herpes (specifically, herpes simplex virus type 2) has skyrocketed 500% in the past 20 years among white teenagers.

• One in five children over the age of 12 tests positive for herpes type 2.

• Nearly one out of ten teenage girls has chlamydia, and half of all new chlamydia cases are diagnosed in girls 15 to 19 years old.

• STDs accounted for 87% of all cases reported of the top ten most frequently reported diseases in the United States in 1995.

• This new epidemic is not just cursing those “poor inner city kids.” No, the viruses have solidly taken up residence in the suburbs.

Yep, the reality is that every twenty-four hours 21,000 teens are slapped, saddled, infused and infected with some creepy, nasty and potentially deadly bug brought about by following the advice of our crass culture.

It seems as if following the guidance of the sexual revolutionaries of the ‘60s, American Pie, Superbad, Paris and Pam has brought about a veritable venereal tsunami of which our teens are now drowning in the disease-laden wake.

Imagine that.

Who’d a thunk that going indiscriminately nuts with your ‘nads would end in anal warts, barrenness, a cauliflowered and inflamed penis, blown ovaries, ruined-for-life fallopian tubes, cervical cancer and a premature death? Wow. Who saw that comin’?

Y’know, I thought we could do whatever we wanted to sexually and the god of these goof balls, the latex condom, would save us all, baby. It’s weird that with all the condoms in use today that STDs have not diminished but have rather skyrocketed. That’s freaky. We all had so much hope in that $1.00 thin sheath of lambskin.

I guess the condom commandos didn’t figure on new STDs showing up and ruining their party. Yes, the industrious little venereal buggers of the 21st century have found a way around the pesky rubber.

One polyurethane circumventor is the human papilloma virus (HPV). This dog is highly contagious and spreads via skin to skin contact as well as through secretions. Unless you get a HazMat suit you’re at risk now if you’re going to be a sexual player. Good luck.

For this pain-dealer there is no medication, no treatment that will eliminate this virus and HPV is responsible for 99.7% of all cervical cancer and the deaths of 5,000 women each year. And most victims have no symptoms (just 1% develop genital warts) and no idea they have it until it solidly has them.

Young person…let me ask you a blunt question: is getting off with whomever/whenever worth getting offed by an STD? Can’t you wait ‘til you find some non disease-riddled person you love and stick with them? Is the need so intense that potentially dying for the big “O” is cool with you? If so, you need to dial down and get focused. Love yourself a tad more. Get a vision. Find God. Play Yahtzee or something because your obsession could come around and bite you in the butt, literally.

Here’s my last word for the teenager: Nobody on the abstinence side of the sex spectrum is trying to keep you from having fun. We’re just trying to keep you alive so that when you meet the right person and get married you can have a healthy sex life with no regrets, diseases, infertility or untimely death, that’s all. And yes, it’s come down to that. The sexual revolution is over, and we all lost. In this, your day, my young friend, there is a very real pay day for buying the BS our sex-obsessed culture is selling you. This is the hand you’ve been dealt. Be afraid.

And finally for mom and dad: Get Dr. Meg Meeker’s new book Your Kids at Risk: How Teen Sex Threatens Our Sons and Daughters. This book is one of the most frightening and sobering books I’ve read lately. You will be chilled to the bone. If your GACF (Give a Crap Factor) is remotely engaged regarding your children then this book is a must-read. Be ready to be freaked out. Not only will Dr. Meeker sufficiently wake you up to the STD epidemic that is upon us, but she will simultaneously give you the wherewithal to help you help yours not be a part of the crotchal carnage.

One other thing—and don’t tell anybody I told you to do this—but if you don’t have anything to do this weekend, why don’t you Google some STDs with your teen who might still be a little “iffy” about abstinence and check out the various photo galleries of the folks who followed the advice of our modern vice-meisters and played sexual roulette with their reproductive organs? It’s scary. Very scary. You will all be gobsmacked. It’s crude. It’s rude. It’s disgusting. But you know what…sometimes we need something that’ll just wake us the hell up.

Doug Giles’ new book “10 Habits of Decidedly Defective People: The Successful Loser’s Guide to Life” is now available. Doug’s award winning talk show and video blog can be seen and heard at

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Anonymous said...

Dear DAIRY? Apparently even Professor Howdy is suseptible to typo's.

Professor Howdy said...

After I have been there,
I must also see Rome.

Apostle Paul -
Acts 19:21

Professor Howdy said...

To all who are in Rome,
beloved of God,

...called to be saints...
-Romans 1:7

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