Monday

New Chainsaw!



A UNC grad walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The UNC grad is suitably impressed and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY!"

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the UNC grad says, "What's that noise?"



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3 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

A UNC professor with two badly burned ears went
to the emergency room for medical treatment.

"What happened" asked the doctor.

"Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching
the ball game on TV," began the man.

"She put the hot iron near the telephone and when
the phone rang, I answered the iron."

The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the
other ear?"

"Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man,
"when the same guy called again."

Professor Howdy said...

A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram.
He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to
send: "Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow."

The clerk says, "You can add another 'Bow wow' for the same price."

"But," the dog responded, "wouldn't that sound a little silly?"

Ron Hutchcraft said...

I was in Cincinnati, working on the message I was going to give that night, and I had a wonderful view of the Ohio River out my hotel window. But it wasn't until I talked with an African-American brother that night that I realized the significance of that river in the history of his people's long fight for freedom. In the days of slavery, many slaves managed to run away from their slave masters, thus beginning their desperate flight for freedom. If they were captured, well, their fate could be severe punishment or worse. If they could make it to northern Kentucky, across the river from Cincinnati, they were on the edge of their goal. And, once they were in what was the North, they would be helped to safety, maybe in Canada, or by those who ran safe houses on what became known as the Underground Railroad. Once I heard the history, I saw something very different as I looked out my window at the Ohio River from Cincinnati. I was thinking of slaves looking across from the border in Kentucky, realizing that if they could just get across that river, they would finally be free.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "The Freedom Line."

Not all slaves wear chains; not all slaves are sold on an auction block. Some of us who have been physically free our whole lives have never really been free on the inside, from the guilt over those mistakes in our past, from the shame over what we've been, or what we've done. Some of us know what it is to be slaves to our dark side, to our anger, our selfishness, to habits and patterns that we just seem powerless to break. You can even be a slave to religious bondages: to fears, legalisms, to the tyranny of what we feel our religion demands: so many shackles, so many slaves.

Then along comes the Liberator. His name is Jesus Christ, and He comes with what could be the very best news you have ever heard. It's recorded in John 8, beginning with verse 34, our word for today from the Word of God. First, the bad news: "Everyone who sins is a slave to sin." We know that all too well - slaves to sin's power, to its guilt, to its consequences. Then comes the good news. "If the Son (that's Jesus, the Son of God) makes you free, you are free indeed": freedom from life's most vicious slave master.

There's no religion, there's no spirituality, there's no ritual that can liberate you from sin's shackles. The only One who can do that is the man who bought your freedom with His blood. Jesus said He came to give His life as a "ransom for many" (Mark 10:45). He gave His life on the cross to take the guilt and the penalty for every wrong thing you've ever done. There was no other way to break sin's hold over us and to keep our sin from condemning us for all eternity.

So for you and me, the line between spiritual slavery and spiritual freedom runs by the cross of Jesus Christ. The question is: have you ever really stepped across that line and into His waiting, forgiving, healing arms? This very day you stand on the edge of an inner freedom you have never experienced before. You cross that line when you say to Jesus, "I understand now, Lord, that you loved me so much that You died for me. You took the rap for my sin, and now I am going to give my life to the One who gave His life for me. I am Yours, Lord. I'm giving me to you. You are my only hope."

If you want to begin that relationship today; if you want to be sure you belong to Him, let me encourage you to check out our website today and I think you'll find there some things that I've tried to put down that will help lead you down the road to be sure you have this relationship. Go to YoursForLife.net.

It would be great if this day could be your personal independence day. You know the old hymn says, "He breaks the power of canceled sin; He sets the prisoner free." That could be you today. You're at the freedom line. I'm praying that you'll step across.



To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit: Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325.

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