Friday

Les Sud De Voyage!



As migration approached, three elderly 
vultures doubted they would be able to 
make the trip south, so they decided to 
go by airplane. When they checked their 
baggage, the attendant noticed that they 
were carrying three dead raccoons. "Do 
you wish to check the raccoons through 
as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. 

"They're carrion."

7 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

The UNC math professor said, "Now class, we know
there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour,
24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell
me how many seconds there are in a year?"

All the students looked baffled by the question except
Rufus, who raises his hand and waves it excitedly.
"Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?"
the math professor asked.

Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February
second, March second..."

Professor Howdy said...

~ Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~ Does your life shed light or cast a shadow?
~ Don't let school interfere with your education.
~ Don't let the diapers fool you. I'm the boss around here!
~ Don't make fun of children or the elderly - they are your past and future.
~ Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.
~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
~ Ever wonder why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
~ ~ Familiarity breeds children.
~ Give God what is right, not what is left.
~ God loves us not according to how we do but according to who God is.
~ He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
~ He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a
tree.
~ Honor is a gift a man gives himself. (A woman, too, of course...)
~ How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
~ I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
~ I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow
man, and I just HATE people like that.
~ I must have money...I still have checks in my checkbook.
~ I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want
to move in with them.
~ I wonder if Dracula ever had ticks.
~ I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something
else.
~ I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
~ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
~ If brains were taxed, she'd get a rebate.
~ If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
~ If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
~ If he says that you are too good for him, believe it.
~ If I melted dry ice, could I swim in it and not get wet?
~ If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my
cat.
~ "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have stopped eating
vegetables."
~ If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
~ If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
~ If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at
all.
~ If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
~ If you're in a car going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on
the headlights?
~ In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
~ It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit.
Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another
fight, away from the first fight.
~ It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
~ Just BEFORE someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their
stomach?
~ Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments
that take our breath away.
~ Man's way leads to a hopeless end...God's way leads to an endless hope.
~ Many girls like to marry a military man...he can cook, sew, and make beds
and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
~ My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.
~ Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
~ On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the
present.
~ On your mark...get set...go away!
~ Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
~ Opportunity knocks but once; temptation leans on the doorbell.
~ Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a
piece of our mind.
~ Procrastinate Now!
~ Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
~ She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
~ Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell your storm how big
your God is.
~ Tell me, where is this "bright side" that you speak of?
~ The distance between the ticket counter and your plane is directly
proportional to the weight of what you are carrying and inversely
proportional to the time remaining before takeoff.
~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
~ The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
~ The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise.
~ The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
~ The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
~ The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
bucket.
~ The grace of God is the mending glue for broken hearts.
~ There are only two kinds of people in the world: Those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
~ There's always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
hurt.
~ These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
~ Things today are a lot like they used to be back in the day when things
were different than they are now.
~ Those who get too big for their breeches will be exposed in the end.
~ Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt
that he forgets his sugar.
~ What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
~ When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
~ When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
~ When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
~ When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
~ When you open a new bag of cotton balls, do you throw the top one away?
~ Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.
~ Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
~ Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back
or further steps will be taken.
~ Wrinkled was not one of the things i wanted to be when I grew up.
~ You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stop laughing.
~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only
thing you care to exercise.
~ You may be addicted to Narnia if you randomly knock on the backs of
closets...just in case.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you a
flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.

Professor Howdy said...

The God we meet in apologetics is mostly a subject to be studied, a case to be argued, a conclusion to be drawn—a far cry from the God who has revealed Himself both in the Scriptures and ultimately in the Person of Jesus Christ. When the pursuit of knowledge becomes an end in itself, the conclusions we accept are decidedly driven by our most cherished passions. Just as it is possible to pursue knowledge simply to satisfy our belief in God without much concern for God Himself, it is also possible to seek it
passionately precisely because we disbelieve in God. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: In our thirst for knowledge, "intent is prior to content."(2) Our finitude guarantees that there will always be gaps in our knowledge which only omniscience can fill, but God has put enough content in the world to satisfy any honest intent to find Him.

Is it pointless then to pant for knowledge? Far be it from me to suggest such a thing! This very piece of writing is an attempt to convey knowledge! And, besides, "It is God's privilege to conceal things and the king's privilege to discover them" (Proverbs 25:2, NLT). Whenever I am tempted to disparage the passion for painstaking attention to the seemingly minutiae, I am reminded of the faithful souls who have labored for years to sift through ancient manuscripts and translate them into a language that I can read. We are all beneficiaries of the dedication of others in almost all areas of our lives. Worshiping at
the altar of ignorance is no more pious than worshipping at the altar of mental abundance. But those whose pursuit of Truth is infused with the purity of spirit discover that, all along, the Father has been seeking such to worship Him.(3)




J.M. Njoroge is a member of the speaking team at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.



(1) C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1996), 71.
(2) Ravi Zacharias, Can Man Live Without God (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1996), 98.
(3) See John 4:23.

Professor Howdy said...

To Pant for Knowledge

Among my toughest audiences in apologetics are undoubtedly my two little boys. From the time words started forming on their lips, questions of various kinds have been a staple around our home—the most formidable one being, "Why, daddy?" More than any other of our appetites, I strongly suspect that thirst for knowledge and the occasional thrill of discovery have played the greatest role in shaping history. From the vast machinery of the news media to the intricate systems of the educational enterprise, from specialized research institutions to the multifaceted world of religious devotion, human hunger for knowledge is the oil that greases the mill of civilization.

So pervasive is this drive for knowledge that it can become an end in itself, opening up a rudderless detour along even the journey to God. This is true in religious systems that claim knowledge for a select few, with secretly guarded rituals forever hidden from the uninitiated.
Gnosticism, from the Greek word gnosis, which means knowledge, was built upon the premise that there exists a category of knowledge privileged to a select few. Most Eastern religions insist that the problem with humanity is not sin but ignorance; hence, their solution to the human predicament is enlightenment, not forgiveness. Similarly, scientific naturalism stakes its fortunes on the bare, cold facts of particles and quarks; to know them is to know ultimate reality—never mind the minor detail that, logically, there is a gaping missing link between knowing how something works and the conclusion that it was not made.

But according to the Bible, at the end of our incessant pursuit of knowledge lies a Person, not an ideology or impersonal reality. God is not only the beginner of all that is; God has also revealed Himself in the earthliest of terms. Jesus was born in circumstances accessible to the lowliest of the shepherds as well as to the most majestic of kings. He spoke to
large crowds in public places and was crucified outside the city walls, thereby silencing forever the voices of self-appointed guardians of alleged esoteric knowledge. In biblical terms, no pursuit of knowledge is ever complete without the discovery of him who is the Truth; to know him is to know not only ultimate reality but also ourselves.

For the Christian, then, it is a solemn thought to remember that reducing apologetics to a contest in the abstract can actually keep us from knowing God. Determined to demonstrate the consistency of our beliefs, we can easily find ourselves on endless rabbit trails—pursuing every form of ism, striving to tie each and every loose end in our belief system, finding comfort when we succeed and frustration when we fail—all the time unaware of the beckoning arms of our loving Father who is Himself the treasure we so diligently seek and hope to show others. Like Jewish leaders of old who diligently searched the scriptures but failed to recognize
the one to whom they point when he stood before them in human flesh, we can perfect the art of dissecting biblical and philosophical truths with little progress in our knowledge of God—so enamored with the map that we never take a step towards the destination. As C.S. Lewis observes, "There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself...as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist!"(1)

(Continued Below!)

Professor Howdy said...

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." - John 14:6

Professor Howdy said...

Out of the Dark



It's likely Plato we have to credit for any negative views of dark caves we might yet be holding onto. His is a vision of darkness and imprisonment, that place where we remain unable to grasp anything more than shadows, ensnared, yet unable to step out of the night that holds us. The cave of darkness, in this view, is a metaphor we would likely rather avoid for ourselves. The cave is a curse that confines.



Thankfully, for the Celtic Christian, and I suspect for many who have seen hidden fruit emerge from dark places, the cave was in fact the opposite. From their beginnings in the fifth century, Celtic believers held a strong sense of what they called Sacred Space, referring to certain places—caves, wells, even friendships—as Thin Places. Which is to say, places where the veil between this world and the divine world seems somehow sheer. In these places the glory of God seems better able to seep through to human awareness.



Perhaps it is in
this tradition that many of the Irish poets have offered a different take on darkness, and conversely, the surprise of blessing, not curse, in the midst of it. As one such poet writes, "The core of the human is not some psychological cellar that holds [us captive in] the crippled shapes of [our] woundedness and destructive choices." Rather, the core of the human is "the soul, the core of self...that continues to dream of a state of wholeness, that place," he writes, "where everything comes together, where loss will be made good, where blindness will transform into vision, where damage will be made whole, and where the clenched question will open in the house of surprise."(1)



Here, whether the cave is dark with difficulty or crowded with a sense of the sacred, the Christian holds that the mark of an infinite maker upon our souls is always legible. And it is this quality that kindles our ethics, justice, and imaginations to love God and neighbor and to bless one another,
wherever it is we find ourselves. And while this posture of blessing will not erase difficulty of darkness nor abolish it, it does reach deeper to draw out the hidden fruit of the dark.



In the gospel story of Jesus at the wedding in Cana, Jesus hints at both sorts of caves, and the one who is able to draw fruit from both. He is among friends and family at a wedding, when the wine runs out. His first reaction to his mother's plea to fix the situation hints at the darker time he knew was on its way. And yet, in full view of that dark cave, he looks around him at a wedding feast, filled with guests of the hopeful bride and groom. And seeing another sacred space, he surprises the crowd with wine. Vineyard owner Amelia Ceja says that "Anyone can make wine. But not everyone can make wine that tells a story." I can't think of a wine that embodies this idea more than the wine Jesus made in Cana that day.



(Continued Below!)

Professor Howdy said...

For in this wine, Jesus blends the cry of the human heart for
wholeness with the delight of the human heart for blessing and communion. He uses the symbols and waters of purification, knowing full well what the purification of humanity would ultimately cost him, and he creates enough wine to bless the bride and groom and all their guests long after the wedding is finished—a sign of both his coming hour and the coming abundant feast.



The promise of communion with Christ is something that we can discover in caves again and again, whether dark with difficulty or light with mystery and hope. Fruit can indeed be found in both. And to invoke blessing on each other in the midst of these sacred spaces is to call some of that wholeness Jesus hinted at in Cana upon our hearts even now. It is to make a feast, whether in Cana of Galilee, Atlanta, or London that is itself a sign of the Great Wedding Feast to come. The Master of that scared space, found in places that may ever surprise us, is the God who thankfully continues to bring hidden fruit
out of the dark.


Jill Carattini is managing editor of A Slice of Infinity at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.


(1) John O'Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us (New York: Doubleday, 2008), 199.

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