Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture!
First Published In The Last Century - July 26, 1997!
Over 9 Million Hits!
An Amusement Park Of Ideas! #ProfHowdy
What did the horse say to his neighbor?Howdy NEIGH-bor!What is a horse’s favorite bear?Whinny the Pooh!Why couldn’t the pony talk?Because she was a little hoarse!What do horses use when they have a stuffy nose?Neiiiiiiiiigh-sal spray!What kind of money do horses use?Horse sense! (cents)Knock- knock.Who’s there?Whinny.Whinny who?Whinny-yuh gonna be home?What is a horse’s favorite state?Maine! (mane)What am I if I have a sore throat and can’t talk?Hoarse! (horse)What is a horse’s favorite kind of tale?A farrier (fairy-er) tale!Where do horses stay in a hotel?In the bridle suite!What is the quickest way to mail a little horse?Use the Pony Express.What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.What kinds of horse breeds jump higher than a house?All of them! Houses can’t jump!A man rode to a hotel on June 3rd, stayed a week and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible?His horse was named June 3rd!What is as big as a horse and weighs nothing?A horse shadow.What kind of horse only comes out at night?A night mare.What kind of horse is on the new quarter?A quarter horse of course!
A UNC grad walks into a store. Curious about a shinyobject, he asks, "What is that?"The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."The UNC grad then asks, "What does it do?"The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."So the UNC grad buys one.The next day, he brings it to work. His boss, also a UNCgrad, asks, "What is that shiny object?"He replies "It's a thermos."The boss asks, "What does it do?""It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."The boss then asks, "What do you have in there?""Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
NEW "Periodic Elements"Valuable scientific data. A proposed new addition to theperiodic table (from Chemistry class) elements:Element Name: WOMANSymbol: WOAtomic Weight: (don't even go there)Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothingand may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly.Very bitter if mishandled.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possessesstrong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exoticfood. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersionof wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Professionals Define:"What is a kiss?"Here's how the professors of different subjectsdefine the same word, *kiss*, in different ways:**Prof. of Algebra:Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.**Prof. of Geometry:Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.**Prof. of Physics:Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to theexpansion of the heart.**Prof. of Chemistry:Kiss is the reaction of the interaction betweentwo hearts.**Prof. of Zoology:Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.**Prof. of Dentistry:Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.**Prof. of Accountancy:Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.**Prof. of Economics:Kiss is that thing for which the demand is alwayshigher than the supply.**Prof. of English:Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it ismore common than proper; it is spoken in the pluraland it is applicable to all.**Prof. of Computer Science:What is a kiss? It looks to be an undefined variable.**Prof. of Statistics:Kiss is an event whose probability depends on thevital statistics of 36-24-36.
I like the picture of the quarter horse! hehehe. Funny!!! ^^_
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