Monday

Vettura Di Gioco del calcio!



The UNC* coach's wife yells 
to her husband, "It's Sports 
Illustrated on the phone!"

The coach falls all over 
himself racing to the phone
and says, "Hello?"


Then he hears, "For just 
75 cents an issue...."

*Please see "comments"
for additional pertinent
& germane information.

5 comments:

Professor Howdy said...




*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs* including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), N.U.T., A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State. UNC
is a trademark of Underachievers of North Carolina...


*Please Note: Two of the above doctorate degrees are
held by the acclaimed, aristocratic, arresting, brilliant,
celebrated, conspicuous, dignified, distingue, eminent,
especial, esteemed, extraordinary, famed, foremost,
glorious, great, highly regarded, honored, illustrious,
imposing, marked, memorable, noble, nonpareil,
notable, noted, noteworthy, peerless, prominent,
remarkable, renowned, reputable, royal, salient,
shining, signal, singular, special, stately, striking,
superior, talked of, unforgettable, venerable,
well-known but very humble Professor Dr. Howdy.
Can you guesstimate which two???



*******************************




*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor'
and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C. - Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.




===============





Just What is 'Thought & Humor'
anyway???

Watch Video:



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===============


Just What/Who/Where
is UNC anyway???

Watch Video:



Click Here




===============




All of us, at one time or another, have experienced
the strange physiological reaction of zygomatic
stimulation and subsequent larynx strain.

This strain upsets the respiratory system, which
results in deep, noisy gasps. The mouth opens
and closes as the lungs struggle for oxygen.

The struggle for oxygen causes the face to turn
various shades of red and strange, unique noises
emerge from deep within. What is this strange,
physiological reaction I am describing? It is laughter!

We normally associate laughter with humor. But,
gelotology, the study of laughter, suggests another
trigger for laughter called the incongruity theory.

This theory suggests that laughter arises when logic
and familiarity are replaced by things that don't normally
go together--when we expect one outcome and another
happens. Generally speaking, our minds and bodies
anticipate what's going to happen and how it's going
to end based on logical thought, emotion, and our past
experience. But, when circumstances go in unexpected
directions, our thoughts and emotions suddenly have
to switch gears and laughter emerges out of the tension
between what we expect--and what actually happens.
- - Margaret Manning


===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a child my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)


===============

Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.

Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============



Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

And this Good News about the Kingdom will be
preached through all the world for a witness to
all people; and then the end will come. Mat 24:14






===============



Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -

(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it.
--Matthew 7:13-14




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Buffalosjokes, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease, Crosswalk.com,
CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Here's some blogs that I found
of interest
as I negotiated my way
through cyberspace:


Every Student
Religion Comparison
Around the Well
Danish Cartoons
Arabic Cartoons
Muhammad or Jesus???
Answering Islam
Is Jesus God?
A Short Look At Six World Religions
God's Word in different languages...
How to become a Christian
Who Is Jesus?
See The Word
Watch The Jesus Movie
Spanish Cartoons
German Cartoons
Chinese Cartoons
Italian Cartoons
Greek Cartoons
Japanese Cartoons
Portuguese Cartoons
French Cartoons
Hindi Cartoons
Russian Cartoons


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


P U R P O S E of 'Thought & Humor:

But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts

O God, You have taught me from my
youth; And to this day I declare
Your wondrous works. Now also when
I am old and gray headed, O God,
do not forsake me, Until I declare
Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
Ps 71

Professor Howdy said...

VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came,
I saw, I did a little shopping.

Professor Howdy said...

Glass is not a crystalline solid, but a random jumble of molecules.
Because of its random structure it does not have a clear melting
temperature and there is no temperature where it can be said to
be definitely solid. Instead, it gradually becomes harder as it cools.

Historians have pointed out that the glass in some centuries-old
windows is thicker at the bottom, as if the glass had slumped over
the years.

Scientists still debate whether room-temperature glass is a solid or
some other state of matter. But according to one study, to see the
flow of cool glass we would have to wait ten billion times the age of
the universe. So those ancient windows are thicker at the bottom
because they were made that way, not because of any later flowing
of the glass.

'Thought & Humor' said...

A Better Hour
Inspiration for Change

November 15, 2007

Research shows that teenage boys spend on average around 58 minutes a day playing video games. Girls were only slightly behind at 44 minutes a day. USA Today reports that teens spend about 16 percent of their time each day surfing the Internet or e-mailing. And then there is television, that omnipresent invader of our lives.

Could there be a better way to spend an hour than television-watching, Web-surfing, or gaming? Eighteenth-century English poet William Cowper thought so.

Cowper lived in a time as degenerate and self-indulgent as our own. Poverty, violence, prostitution, murder, thievery, and general lawlessness flourished. The wealthy benefited greatly from the horrid slave trade in which Britain owned more than half the slave ships. Gambling was a national obsession; obscene literature sold well; executions known as Hanging Shows attracted huge crowds.

But in the midst of this, a small group of men and women living in and around Clapham, a suburb of London, England, decided to do something about the situation. As the movie Amazing Grace (now available on DVD) so brilliantly captures, this little group was ultimately able to reform England by calling the British to what William Cowper referred to as "the better hour." The group, often called the Clapham Sect or the Clapham Circle, began to meet in each others' homes to discuss what needed to be done and to take action to accomplish what they planned.

Today, teens like Zach Hunter are following in the footsteps of Wilberforce and his Clapham Circle by speaking out against human trafficking in our day. Hunter, who is the tenth-grade author of Be the Change, founded the group "Loose Change to Loosen Chains." As its name implies, the group encourages gathering loose change to put toward the cause of stopping human trafficking around the world. Zach is the spokesperson for The Amazing Change campaign, also sponsored by the movie Amazing Grace, as well as a new contest that your teenage son or daughter should not miss.

The Better Hour Contest for high-school students seeks to engage teens in service projects that reflect the concerns of William Wilberforce, the British parliamentarian who fought to end the Trans-Atlantic slave trade and helped launch 69 societies for the reformation of culture in early nineteenth-century England.

With funding from the John Templeton Foundation, this contest offers a $10,000 first prize and up to $40,000 in total prizes for the best essay about what students have done. Students can use any ongoing project as long as they register and submit according to the contest guidelines, or they can embark on something entirely new. But they need to register now for the Better Hour Contest in time to execute their idea and meet the final project deadline of March 1, 2008. Awards will be presented in U.S. Congress in May 2008. Visit our website, www.BreakPoint.org, for more information.

I cannot think of a better way students could spend an hour than by engaging in the causes so near to the heart of William Wilberforce and his Clapham Circle. So pick up a copy of the new DVD Amazing Grace, watch it with the teenagers in your life, and then encourage them to enter the Better Hour Contest. One hour like this might encourage a lifetime of better hours serving others.

Professor Howdy said...

Life-Changing Faith on Display in Amazing Grace


DVD Release Date: November 13, 2007
Theatrical Release Date: February 23, 2007
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama
Running Time: 111 min.
Director: Michael Apted
Actors: Ioan Gruffudd, Albert Finney, Michael Gambon, Romola Garai, Benedict Cumberbatch, Youssou N'Dour, Rufus Sewell

One of the great stories of a Christian who lived in the world but was not of the world, the story of William Wilberforce and his efforts to abolish slavery in England gets a thought-provoking treatment in Amazing Grace. Working tirelessly for the abolition cause, Wilberforce suffered through years of setbacks in Parliament until a key legislator joined his side, and time caught up with his favored cause.

Ioan Gruffudd stars as Wilberforce, referred to as “Wilber” throughout the movie, who’s first elected to the House of Commons in his early 20s. With the support of his friend, William Pitt (Benedict Cumberbatch), Wilberforce champions the abolitionist cause. Lending support is former slave Oloudah Equiano (singer Youssou N’Dour); Thomas Clarkson (Rufus Sewell), whose impatience with the progress of abolition leads him to advocate revolution as the quickest way to end the slave trade; and Lord Charles Fox (Michael Gambon), who, with the addition of his signature to an abolitionist petition with 300,000 names already on it, tips the scales of justice in favor of freedom and inalienable rights.

A radiant Romola Garai stars as Barbara Spooner, to whom Wilberforce confides his frustrations with the repeated failure of his anti-slavery legislation to find support among other lawmakers. The efforts of Wilberforce’s friends to set him up with Barbara provide some of the film’s most light-hearted and winning moments.

Best of all are the veterans Gambon as Fox, and, in the film’s strongest Christian role, Albert Finney as John Newton – Wilberforce’s childhood pastor and author of the hymn, “Amazing Grace.” Haunted by his own role in the slave trade years earlier, Newton pushes Wilberforce to continue the abolitionist struggle. The movie wisely includes its own version of Newton’s famous quote, from late in his life, as conveyed to Wilberforce: “My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things, that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour.”

Newton’s faith in the film is clear from the outset, but Wilberforce’s religion plays second fiddle here to his political activism. However, downplayed though it might be, Wilberforce’s faith is by no means ignored. He seeks counsel from Newton and confides in him that his childhood faith, though dormant for a period, has begun to re-emerge. He tells his butler that he’d rather stare at the creative wonder of a spider web than immerse himself in professional and social obligations. A man asks Wilberforce, “You found God, sir?” and Wilberforce replies, “I think He found me.” Later, he says, “I grew up and grew foolish. Now my faith is returning.”

With so much going for it, the film is easy to recommend, but it’s a qualified recommendation. Why? Because although director Michael Apted tells Wilberforce’s story competently, his nicely lit scenes are heavy on dialogue and very light on camera movement. Such an approach is not inappropriate for a historical drama, but after so many standard shots of characters talking to each other, the film begins to feel heavy and somewhat inert.

Also problematic is the flashback structure incorporated into the screenplay (written by Steven Knight, who also wrote Dirty Pretty Things), as Wilberforce recounts his legislative struggles to Barbara, until events catch up to the movie’s present day – before jumping ahead two years. Title cards that explain to viewers that the events on screen are taking place in “the present day” or “two years later” smooth over some jarring transitions.

Nevertheless, any moments of viewer confusion pass quickly and are overwhelmed by the tremendous stakes involved in Wilberforce’s struggle, and eventual success. Amazing Grace is an amazing story, a reminder that believers are called to persevere through trials, and that we sometimes reap rewards in this life as well as the next.

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