Un Acquazzone Pericoloso!

A UNC grad had been 
missing from work 
for over a week when 
finally someone noticed 
and called the cops. 

They went round to 

his flat and broke the 
door down. They found 
him near death in the 
still running shower 
with an empty bottle 
of shampoo next to him.
Apparently he'd been 

washing his hair. The 
instructions on the 
bottle said:

*Wet hair

*Apply shampoo

Rinse Repeat


Professor Howdy said...

*After he recovered, he went to
a real University in Raleigh & after
graduation he got a high paying
job where they WOULD miss
him immediately...

Jackson - USC said...

You have the most funny
stuff on here.

Professor Howdy said...

"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry, original member of the Continental Congress

Professor Howdy said...

Must Be True -- I Read it on the Internet

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 was "MM" in Roman
numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man,
was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of
Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone
knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which
is why the government made them change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in
his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and
when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN
STOLEN.He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer,
and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster
in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.
(It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL
GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press
#90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
line at the guy's expense.Then reaching into the coin-return slot
he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped
a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's
and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to
more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for only 10 people
you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10
people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but
on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To
be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as
part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will
receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and
Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have
more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in
your shampoo, your spouse will develop a skin rash from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S.
government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.

Professor Howdy said...

Sad? Lonely? Worried?



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