There is no egg in eggplant nor is there ham
in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
Sometimes I think all the English speakers
should be committed to an asylum for the
In what language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of
a language in which your house can burn
up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
form by filling it out and in which, an alarm
goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human race,
which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are out, they are
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?