Friday

Body On The Ninth Floor!



A very large, old, building was 
being torn down in Chapel Hill, 
N.C. to make room for a new dorm.

While working on the 9th floor, 
two construction workers found 
a skeleton in a small closet behind
the elevator shaft. They decided 
that they should call the police. 
When the police arrived they directed
them to the closet and showed 
them the skeleton fully clothed 
and standing upright. They said, 
"This could be Jimmy Hoffa or 
somebody really important."

Two days went by and the 
construction workers couldn't
stand it any more, they had 
to know who they had found.
They called the police and said, 
"We are the two guys who found 
the skeleton in the closet and 
we want to know if it was Jimmy 
Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy 
Hoffa, but it was somebody
kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"


*Please see "comments" for additional
pertinent information and the answer.




3 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chapel Hill, N.C.
to make room for a new dorm. While working on the 9th floor, two
construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the
elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When
the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them
the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This
could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any
more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and
said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and
we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"

"The 1956 UNC* National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

*Please see below for additional pertinent information.

Professor Howdy said...




*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs* including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), N.U.T., A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State. UNC
is a trademark of Underachievers of North Carolina...


*Please Note: Two of the above doctorate degrees are
held by the acclaimed, aristocratic, arresting, brilliant,
celebrated, conspicuous, dignified, distingue, eminent,
especial, esteemed, extraordinary, famed, foremost,
glorious, great, highly regarded, honored, illustrious,
imposing, marked, memorable, noble, nonpareil,
notable, noted, noteworthy, peerless, prominent,
remarkable, renowned, reputable, royal, salient,
shining, signal, singular, special, stately, striking,
superior, talked of, unforgettable, venerable,
well-known but very humble Professor Dr. Howdy.
Can you guesstimate which two???



*******************************




*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor'
and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) Senate Dinosaurs
2) Harvard or U.C. - Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.




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Just What/Who/Where
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All of us, at one time or another, have experienced
the strange physiological reaction of zygomatic
stimulation and subsequent larynx strain.

This strain upsets the respiratory system, which
results in deep, noisy gasps. The mouth opens
and closes as the lungs struggle for oxygen.

The struggle for oxygen causes the face to turn
various shades of red and strange, unique noises
emerge from deep within. What is this strange,
physiological reaction I am describing? It is laughter!

We normally associate laughter with humor. But,
gelotology, the study of laughter, suggests another
trigger for laughter called the incongruity theory.

This theory suggests that laughter arises when logic
and familiarity are replaced by things that don't normally
go together--when we expect one outcome and another
happens. Generally speaking, our minds and bodies
anticipate what's going to happen and how it's going
to end based on logical thought, emotion, and our past
experience. But, when circumstances go in unexpected
directions, our thoughts and emotions suddenly have
to switch gears and laughter emerges out of the tension
between what we expect--and what actually happens.
- - Margaret Manning


===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington

"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant

"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)

"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a child my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)


===============

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Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============



Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)

NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

And this Good News about the Kingdom will be
preached through all the world for a witness to
all people; and then the end will come. Mat 24:14






===============



Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?


http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html

Click Here



===============




Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -

(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it.
--Matthew 7:13-14




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor'
is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________

References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Buffalosjokes, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease, Crosswalk.com,
CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


'Thought & Humor'
respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.


But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Here's some blogs that I found
of interest
as I negotiated my way
through cyberspace:


Every Student
Religion Comparison
Around the Well
Danish Cartoons
Arabic Cartoons
Muhammad or Jesus???
Answering Islam
Is Jesus God?
A Short Look At Six World Religions
God's Word in different languages...
How to become a Christian
Who Is Jesus?
See The Word
Watch The Jesus Movie
Spanish Cartoons
German Cartoons
Chinese Cartoons
Italian Cartoons
Greek Cartoons
Japanese Cartoons
Portuguese Cartoons
French Cartoons
Hindi Cartoons
Russian Cartoons


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P U R P O S E of 'Thought & Humor:

But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts

O God, You have taught me from my
youth; And to this day I declare
Your wondrous works. Now also when
I am old and gray headed, O God,
do not forsake me, Until I declare
Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
Ps 71

Ron Hutchcraft - AWWY said...

The Largest Single Living Thing



It was one of those rare mornings off for our Native American outreach team
and someone had arranged for us to take a brief raft trip down the beautiful
Snake River in Wyoming. Our guide pointed out these incredible sights along
the way including a stand of tall Aspen trees along the bank. He told us
that Aspens actually have a single root system. In other words, that stand
of trees all came from the same root, just branching out a lot of different
directions. That's amazing! And then our guide who I assume wasn't just
putting on some dumb tourists said that the largest living thing in the
world is in Colorado, a giant stand of Aspen trees. Yep, all the product of
a single root. Many, many trees, one root. . .

Now in a sense, you and I may be a part of what is the largest single living
thing in the world. Ephesians 4:4-5 talks about the family of Jesus Christ
on earth - His church. Here's what is says, "There is one body and one
Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one
Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all who is over all and
through all and in all." Realize what these verses have just told us.
There are many people who have been to that same cross that you went to for
forgiveness - one cross, same empty tomb - all for the same eternal life.
They belong to the same Savior, and as different and even as difficult as
they may be, every believer comes from that single root - Jesus Christ; same
cross, same Savior, same Father, same indwelling Holy Spirit, going to the
same heaven.

Now, our word for today, Ephesians 4:3, we've got to act like we are one.
It says this, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the
bond of peace." It says keep the unity of the Spirit. You see unity is the
natural state of people in whom Christ lives. Christians working together,
staying together is not something to be achieved, that's the way Jesus set
it up. It's something to be preserved. And you'd better believe the enemy
of Jesus is doing everything he can to put walls and hard feelings and
categories and egos between us. Why? Well, first because it breaks the
heart of our Savior when those He loves don't love each other. Secondly,
because Satan knows the power of Christians standing together as opposed to
standing separately. Philippians 1:27, "Stand firm in one spirit contending
as one man for the faith of the Gospel without being frightened in any way
by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be
destroyed." Now, does that verse describe the way Christians are working in
your community, in one spirit, as one man, even in your own church? By the
way, how many Christian churches are there in your town? If you ask Jesus,
He'd probably say one - His church, meeting in different locations.

Keeping us one is hard work. It says, "Make every effort." You put a lot
of energy into it because our egos tear us apart, our differences, our
jealousies, and the enemy is always trying to get a wedge in. Where is he
succeeding in your relationships, your church, your community? Well, don't
let it stay that way! If there is any brother or sister you have a problem
with, who has a problem with you, make every effort to bridge the gap. If
there is any division in your church or your ministry, offer yourself to God
as the peacemaker. If the churches in your area are operating as if they
have separate roots, begin to pull people together to pray and work
together. Maybe this reconciliation needs to start right in your own
family? Put a lot of effort into keeping the unity that God expects from
His children.

I'm not sure about that Aspen stand being the largest single living thing in
the world. The church of Jesus Christ isn't a thing, but it should be the
largest single living organism in the world with all our roots going back to
an old rugged cross, an empty tomb, and a single Savior.




To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ, please visit:

http://www.yoursforlife.net/alpha or call 1-888-966-7325.


Click Here



Wist u dat de God van u houdt?
Avez-vous su que Dieu vous aime ?
Wußten Sie, daß Gott Sie liebt?
Avete saputo che il dio li ama?
Você soube que o deus o ama?
¿Usted sabía que el dios le ama?

http://everystudent.com/menus/intl.html

Click Here

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