Vet Visit!

A man brought a limp dog into the Veterinary Clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out her stethoscope, placing it on the dog's chest.

After a moment or two, the Vet shook her head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, sir but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the Vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, she returned with a Labrador Retriever.

The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and barked, "Woof! Woof!".

The Veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessor, the cat sadly shook his head and went, "Miaow, Miaow."

He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The Veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600...

The dog's owner went ballistic.

"$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

Again, the Vet shook her head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, it would have only been $50, but no, you wanted testing... So with the Lab Work and the Cat Scan..."

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Professor Howdy said...

No one has ever been able to domesticate the African ele-
phant. Only the Indian elephant can be trained by man.


Crocodiles swallow stones apparently to help them dive
deeper but perhaps they just like the taste.


The first telephone book was one page long and had only 50
names in it.

Anonymous said...

"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-
comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather
engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects
in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey

Professor Howdy said...

WHO AM I? #1

--1. I was Born October 5, 1902, in Oak Park, Illinois.
Fibbing about my age, I became an ambulance driver
during World War I, at age 15.

--2. At age 20, I began to work as a salesman selling
paper cups. I also worked as a jazz pianist.

--3. For 17 years I sold mixers across the country until
meeting Dick and Mack in their restaurant. I
negotiated a deal to have unlimited use of their
name and concept.

--4. I modeled my business on principles of cleanliness,
quality, speed, and low prices, and even established
special "University" to train employees.

--5. The Golden Arches and a clown named Ronald that
identify my places are two of the most recognizable
symbols in the entire world.

WHO AM I? (Ray Kroc, McDonald's Entrepreneur)

--WHO AM I? #2

--1. I am a film actor, director, and producer born
Joseph Levitch in Newark, New Jersey in 1926.

--2. As a zany, mugging, sentimental comic, I worked
as a one night stand entertainer.

--3. In 1946 I met a famous singer with whom I teamed
up to make the film "My Friend Irma" in 1949; we
made 16 more films in the next 18 months before
we split up.

--4. Once on my own, I began producing and then directing
movies, becoming a special favorite in France.

--5. A dedicated campaigner for charitable causes, I am
identified with the annual Labor Day fund raising
telethon for "my kids" and the Muscular Dystrophy

WHO AM I? (Comedian, co-star with Dean Martin,
and telethon co-host Jerry Lewis.)

Professor Howdy said...

But this know, that in the last days
difficult times shall be there; for
men shall be lovers of self, lovers
of money, boastful, arrogant, evil
speakers, disobedient to parents,
ungrateful, profane, without natural
affection, implacable, slanderers,
of unsubdued passions, savage,
having no love for what is good,
traitors, headlong, of vain pretensions,
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

The Bible

Professor Howdy said...

While visiting England, Senator Ted Kennedy is invited to tea with
the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says
that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she
knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions,"
says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this
question: "Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds,
"It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the
Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Senator?" "Yes ma'am.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put one of his
colleagues in the Senate to the test. He summons Barbara Boxer to his
office and says, "Senator Boxer, I wonder if you can answer a question
for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or your sister. Who is it?" Boxer hems and haws and finally asks,
"Can I think about it and get back to you?" Kennedy agrees, and
Boxer leaves. Senator Boxer immediately calls a meeting of several
other senior senators of the same political persuasion, and they puzzle
over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an

Finally, in desperation, Boxer calls Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton,
the smartest woman in the world, and explains her problem. "Now
look here, Senator, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Clinton answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you idiot."

Much relieved, Boxer telephones Senator Kennedy and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Hillary Rodham Clinton!"

And Kennedy replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."

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