Monday

Total Brain Replacement!



In the hospital the relatives gathered 
in the waiting room, where their family 
member lays gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired 

and somber.



"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," 

he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one 

at  this time is a brain transplant. It's an 
experimental procedure, very risky but it
is the only hope. Insurance will cover the 
procedure, but you will have to pay for 
the brain yourselves."



The family members sat silent as they 

absorbed the news. After a great length 
of time, someone asked, "Well, how
much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, 

"$5,000 for a Democrat brain,
and $200 for a Republican brain."


The moment turned awkward. 
Democrats in the room tried not 
to smile, avoiding eye contact with 
the others, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, 

blurted out the question everyone wanted 
to ask, "Why is the Democrat brain so 
much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence 

and explained to the entire group, "It's 
just standard pricing procedure. We have 
to mark down the price of the Republican 
brains, because they've actually been used."


#ProfHowdy
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4 comments:

Professor Howdy said...

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and
his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that
truck?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today.

"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche cost.

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck
like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street, said the boy. "I don't know her name
- they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me
if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!" moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see
what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady
lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!

He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold
a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know
why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he
had ran off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to
come back."

"He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell
his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money."

"So I did."

Leroy Jethro Gibbs said...

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air,
pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In
Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the
same one twice.

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it
into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses
that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either..'

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it
in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and
shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on
the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.

Professor Howdy said...

Well, it happened three times at the Hutchcraft house. Yep, a teenager learning to drive. With all of the angst that goes with that. Not for them; for us! And three times we'd come around to that question happening again and again, "Dad, can I have the car?" I have to tell you, I had real mixed emotions about that, and I had a lot of questions about "How far are you going to go?" "How long will you be gone?" "Where are you driving?" "Who are you going with?" I was apprehensive about turning over that ton of deadly metal to a teenage son. And probably all reasons, right?

Now, my wife often asks for my car, and when she does, I give her the keys - no questions asked. Oh, I have no fear of my wife driving my car. I've seen her drive, and she does real well; at least as well as I do. Probably better.

Of course, turning over the keys comes down to one bottom line issue: can I trust you with something this big? Maybe for you right now that's the most decisive choice you have.

Now, our word for today from the Word of God comes from Romans 8:32. Paul comes up with this equation, "He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Paul's logic is petty simply here. God's already given the most expensive thing He could give. He gave His Son for you. Now, if He would give His Son, you can have confidence to come to Him with any need. You can trust Him with anything.

Now, that statement actually answers the bottom line question about being a follower of Christ. After all the smoke clears away, you can sum up your choices in the Christian life in four words - can Jesus be trusted? That's what it all comes down to. That's really the bottom line question for you in you've never given yourself to Jesus, "Can He be trusted?"

It may well be that right now your hand is pretty tightly clinched around one very important part of your life that you've not been able to release to His lordship and His leadership. You know you need to, but you just can't. Within the last couple of days I had a young woman say, "Ron, I love the Lord with all my heart. I'd go anywhere He asks me to go, but I cannot give Him...Don." This guy was very important to her.

What's your Don right now? Oh, you've opened up many areas to His control, but this one, this last one, this bottom line one is particularly scary. This relationship, or maybe your career, or your location, your dream. And the issue is, "Who's going to get the keys?" You see, if you can't let it go, then it's become an idol.

Remember the question, "Can Jesus be trusted even with this?" One guy answered that for himself in a conference I was at a while back. He said, "Ron, I can give the Lord everything but one thing - basketball. It's my identity, it's my future." At the end of the week he came back and said, "Ron, I've given Him everything. I've given Him basketball." I said, "Whoa! How did you decide to do that?" He said, "Ron, I just settled it. If He loved me enough to die for me, He would never do me wrong." Well, in the Bible's words, if "He delivered up His Son for all of us," won't He give us all the other things? Yes, He can be trusted with it.

(Continued Below!)

Professor Howdy said...

Here's the scene: Your hand is tightly closed, and His hand is open saying, "Trust Me with it." Aren't you tired of this battle? Trade in the struggle of resisting Christ for the peace of trusting Christ. Your hands are too shaky to hold something that important.

And maybe for all your religion and all the Christianity you've had; all the Christian things you've been involved in, maybe you have never actually put your life, your soul, your eternity, your sin in the hands of Jesus. And today He says, "Come to Me and I will give you rest." He died for you. You can trust Him. It's time to give you to Him. You say, "Jesus, I'm Yours. Anyone who loved me enough to die for me will never do me wrong."

I hope you'll go to our website today, because I think you'll find a lot of help there for this moment in your decision making and this very important moment in your life. It's YoursForLife.net.

You can put whatever matters most to you in the hands of Jesus. In fact, His hands are the only hands that can be trusted.


To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit: Yours for Life or call 1-888-966-7325.

"A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft

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